An inspiring message for all who grace the Coliseum field. (Icon SMI)

The L.A. Times is running a story about a porn film shot in the Coliseum in 2001, the week after USC’s 6-10 home loss to Kansas State. Go, LAT, go!

The Coliseum is jointly run by the city, county and state, which owns the land. A spokesman for the California attorney general’s office said Tuesday that he did not know if it is illegal to film pornography on state property.

We’re just trying to imagine that poor spokesman going home after work. “Hi, honey, how was your day?” We’re going to continue to focus on the Rosencrantz & Guildenstern aspect of his role in this story for as long as possible, to keep from making Trojan jokes.

[HT: Solid Verbal.]

Prepare to be judged. (Getty Images)

We continue our curious streak of SEC West news with this tidbit out of Tuscaloosa: Reports are circulating that Alabama GA Derrick Crudup Jr. was arrested last week for misdemeanor drug possession. (We regret to inform you that you’ve all already been beaten to the “Roll joints!” joke by intrepid reader @BobbyBigWheel.)

Al.com has posted a university response signifying Bama’s ascension to the summit of the non-quote-quote art form: “Alabama spokesman Doug Walker said the athletic department is ‘aware of the situation and will take the appropriate action at the appropriate time.’” From such a famously PROCESS-oriented institution, we’d expect nothing less.

Mike the Tiger and a tiger shrimp: separated at birth? (Jennifer Abelson)

Come for the use of “menacing tiger shrimp” in a headline, stay for an LSU football allegory of startling clarity:

As summer approaches, fear and intrigue is building in south Louisiana over the latest menace prowling the waters of the Gulf of Mexico: the tiger shrimp. [...] The worry is that even more will be seen in the coming months, as last year’s stock may have exponentially reproduced. The shrimp, which have black and white stripes across their backs and tails similar to their jungle namesake, eat more and grow more quickly than native Gulf shrimp, prompting concerns they will out-compete the native shrimp for resources.

[Via @thecajunboy.]

Arkansas is looking to fill Jessica Dorrell’s old job. Apply today!

Well, looky here! “The University of Arkansas, Department of Athletics seeks a qualified individual for the position of On Campus Recruiting Coordinator.” That’d be Jessica Dorrell’s vacated position, which “offers a competitive salary and benefits”! Our sincere congratulations to whichever departmental drone typed that without snickering. To fill Dorrell’s sassy motorcycle boots, you must possess:

Bachelor’s Degree
Working knowledge of Intercollegiate Athletics, familiarity with NCAA rules
Two years of prior experience within a collegiate football program at Div. I level and/or NFL experience
Supervisory experience
Strong organizational and administrative abilities
Working knowledge of recruiting software
Proficient in Microsoft Excel, Word, and PowerPoint

We’d pull an Andy Staples and apply here, but as you might remember, we’re holding out for a hefty buyout at Notre Dame to secure our family’s financial future.

[Via FOTP, which reminds you to "sure up those sexting skills just in case."]

Rodeo clown and devoted lying liarpants Craig James, whose campaign for Senate is still apparently a real thing, faces a bit of a Republican primary challenge today, where he’s polling at a robust 3 percent, a statistically insignificant but still LOLsome two percentage points behind “Undecided.” You know at least a hundred people, gentle reader, and we live in contentious political times: When was the last time 97 of them agreed on anything? Say this for the man Wikipedia insists is nicknamed “Mustang Breath:” He’s a true uniter.

As this sideshow draws to a close, we’d like to thank Mr. James for the months of entertainment his vision quest has provided us (most especially this gem from Public Policy Polling, last week: “As Craig James has become better known he’s just gotten more and more unpopular”) and wish him all the best in his future endeavors, so long as he stays the blue hell off our televisions. Perhaps he can use this downtime to get better at lying. One should always strive for excellence in one’s beloved pastimes.

[Album art courtesy of The Gurgling Cod; KVUE link via Richard Deitsch.]

• A hit, a palpable Hokie hit. Boston College blog BC Interruption goes logo-trolling, with splendid results.

• Jock exams. Andy Staples takes the NCAA rules test, discovering that “An institution may send an institutional postcard, provided its dimensions do not exceed 4 1/4 by 6 inches, it includes only the institution’s name and logo or an athletics logo on one side when produced and it includes only handwritten information, (e.g., words, illustrations) on the opposite side when provided to the recipients,” and maybe learning a little something about life along the way. [banjo twang]

• “People will pay money to watch a group of talented people play a game.” Maybe it helps to be a Wake Forest fan, but this Deacs blogger has a good point to make and we, too, are so over realignment. Not in a too-cool, underground, realignment was so cool back in its analog days way, but in a 48 hours without sleep or eyedrops nails on a chalkboard way. Make it stop.

• We are posting this in the fervent hope that you will stop emailing us about it. There is a segment of Texas A&M’s fanbase that feels very, very strongly about fonts. Here, they would like to tell  you about it in detail.

• Just putting up a few quarterbacks for winter, you guys. There is barely a complete sentence in this article about Hugh Freeze’s scholly offers that cannot be turned into some sort of cold storage pun.

• Mike Leach item of the week:

Preakness 2day: Hal Mumme tells me story 2night of when Mike Leach allowed a horse 2 drink beer from his cup when they were at UK. #toofunny

— FootballScoop Staff (@footballscoop) May 20, 2012

• RELATED: Want to see who’s donating to Craig James’ hilariously flailsome Senate campaign? Sure, we all do!

• These are not the roids you’re looking for. Just in time for the weekend, there are no descriptors that can accurately convey how much we adore this Star Wars in Sports gallery. (That’s no moon. It’s the Georgia Dome.)

CBS’ Bryan Fischer directs you to the seven-minute mark of this CBS Sports video, where you will find NHL commissioner Gary Bettman making the following statement regarding the Winter Classic: “To have imagined that the event would be this spectacular, particularly when you’re there, to imagine that we would own New Year’s Day, which used to be for college football, nobody could have imagined it.”

Securing “ownership” of Jan. 1 became a little easier, we suppose, when no college football games were played on New Year’s Day 2012. Hockey’s case is somewhat weakened, however, by not having played on New Year’s Day 2012 either for fear of competing poorly against Sunday NFL games.

To start a HOCKEY VERSUS COLLEGE FOOTBALL CAGEMATCH!! over this would be sort of goofy; we believe that fans of the two sports have a lot in common and probably share a mutual appreciation for violence and pageantry. And we very much like the idea of the Winter Classic; not having grown up where snow games were ever a real possibility, anything played outside on ice is a cool novelty. But we’ll be honest: By the end of last year’s December 30-31 Armed Forces-Pinstripe-Music City-Insight-Texas-Sun-Liberty-CFA Bowl sprint, we were in such a bad way with sensory football overload that we spent the football-less Jan. 1 in a kind of recuperative coma, unaware that hockey was even happening on television. We might be a bad example, because it is our job to absorb football and football only. What say you, gentle readers?

“Football – The compliance office aproved the use of mini basketballs during a football winter conditioning drill.”

— Eleven Warriors (@elevenwarriors) May 24, 2012

Mini basketballs. Where does Urban Meyer’s treachery end, PAAAOWL? (11W also has a full list of OSU’s latest piddling violations, if you’re into that sort of thing.)

Could Kyle Brotzman’s notorious miss against Nevada in 2010 be a boon for Boise State? (Peter Read Miller/SI)

Stanford’s offensive coordinator position was recently endowed by an anonymous donor to honor Andrew Luck (gross autoplay video alert at that link). The donation got friend of the program The Gurgling Cod thinking about how to turn this into a rivalry game:

UGA FAN PROTIP — make anon gift to GT, name OC position after Reggie Ball. #trollanthropy espn.go.com/college-footba…

— The Gurgling Cod (@TheGurglingCod) May 23, 2012

Monied fans, you have your marching orders. Our previous bloggy home has just wrapped up an annual charity drive in which donations are given to match rivalry scores (say, $70.33 for enthusiastic fans of January’s Orange Bowl outcome), but an endowment? Oh, that’s a gift that lasts and lasts. We have 10 modest suggestions for our readers overburdened with spite and disposable income:

• FOR MICHIGAN FANS: Endow the offensive coordinator position at Notre Dame. Name it for Tommy Rees. (And if you’re going to do this, you’re going to have to win again this year, so look sharp.)

• FOR AUBURN FANS: Endow Florida’s special teams coordinator position. Name it for Wes Byrum.

• FOR PITT FANS: The Todd Graham Chair for Refugee Studies, university TBD.

• FOR OHIO STATE FANS: Won’t you consider contributing to the Urban Myer Recruiting Coordinator endowment at Wisconsin?

• FOR NORTH TEXAS FANS: Won’t you spare a few dollars to revamp Indiana’s scoreboard?

• FOR BOBBY PETRINO, BECAUSE IT’S NOT LIKE YOU’RE BUSY: Donate to Texas Tech. Make it splashy. Do it in your own name. Dare anyone to question your motives.

• FOR LANE KIFFIN: Create the “Lane Kiffin Endowment” at UCLA, in an area of your choosing, just so you can point across the sidelines and shriek, “HAHA ENDOWMENT” every November.

• FOR NEVADA FANS: The Boise State Mathematics Chair in Statistical Certainties Like 26-Yard Field Goals is a must, no?

• FOR UAB FANS: Give to your own school, because lord knows it could use it, and establish the Paul Bryant Jr. Head Football Coach position for four dollars and a gum wrapper.

• West Virginia just has the Dana Holgorsen sidecar, which has a “YOU MUST BE THIS DRUNK TO RIDE” sticker on it.

The music screams 1998. The hair wails immortality.

[Video via Brett.]