Florida incoming transfer Darious Cummings is going by “Bear” Cummings. What do you guys want to be called?

— Jason Lieser (@PBPjasonlieser) January 15, 2013

• How would he feel about “Bearious” for more formal occasions? If we’re all supposed to be taking after forest creatures for a fresh new look for spring 2013, we would like to be referred to from here on as “Killer Otter.” Thank you for your attention to this matter.

• And speaking of spring. Army’s spring game, which graced our neck of the woods at Fort Benning last year, continues its freshly-established traveling tradition with a March 8 scrimmage set to take place at Fort Hood, Texas.

• The Coliseum just needs a place to crash for a few days, until it gets things figured out. The Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum Commission is behind in its rent, per the L.A. Times, but once it gets its free-range vegan water bottle business up and running things are really going to turn around. It’s not a pyramid scheme. It’s not!

• That’s a helluva windbreak. Texas Tech approves plans for a “freestanding high-definition video board,” theoretically to be installed and operational in time for the 2013 season.

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There is no such thing as a compelling photo of NCAA COI deliberations, so here is Sebastian in a vaguely menacing posture. (AP)

Assorted items of varying degrees of interest which you may have missed while grudgingly watching playoff football and sending surly tweets to the Golden Globes:

• The NCAA is Lucy, and Miami football is the football, and we are Charlie Brown running toward it, or something? This metaphor holds up only to demonstrate how very much we wish for this all to be over, but here we go: The Miami Herald is calling the release of NCAA allegations against the Hurricanes football program “imminent,” just short of the investigation’s two-year anniversary. Bylaw Blogger John Infante lays out all the ways this process could still be stalled, and how the Miami case might affect Oregon’s.

• Mike Stoops also a fan of Hi Haters Friday! Friday night, 6:06 p.m., Tulsa World‘s John E. Hoover posts a transcript excerpt of a Mike Stoops radio interview, specifically a question regarding Johnny Football: “They’re gonna be tough to deal with. If they can keep him out of jail or keep him eligible, he’s gonna be pretty good.” Friday night, 10:37 p.m., Tulsa World post headline: “Mike Stoops regrets controversial comments on Manziel.” Had Stoops’ defense possessed that kind of on-the-fly adaptability in the Cotton Bowl, perhaps Manziel would not have scored four touchdowns against it, PAAAOWL.

• Roster blotter. In better news for Miami: Seantrel Henderson, Brandon Linder and Curtis Porter announced Monday morning they all intend to return to the ‘Canes in 2013 … in even better news for Profiteroles fans, Dri Archer will stay on for his senior season at Kent State … Iowa State quarterback Jared “That Kid Who Beat Oklahoma State” Barnett and linebacker C.J. Morgan intend to transfer … Texas defensive tackle Brandon Moore will enter the draft … also declaring is USC corner Nickell Robey, whom we will dearly miss watching because of his too-perfect defensive name … Oregon linebacker Anthony Wallace will transfer … Case McCoy and Jordan Hicks have been reinstated at Texas … and Casey Pachall returns to the Horned Frogs.

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The story of one day in the college football postseason, as told through social media.

Solid crowd at LP Field, but don’t judge it yet. This quaint stadium on the river is a honky labyrinth from hell to get to.

— Steven Godfrey (@38Godfrey) December 31, 2012

Mike Glennon still leads all prospective NFL draft picks in neckness.

— edsbs (@edsbs) December 31, 2012

Nobody stands Paul Johnson up for dinner. RT @insideusc: Lane Kiffin has some type of scrape or bump between his eyes. Not sure reason why.

— CollegeFootballTalk (@CFTalk) December 31, 2012

Does Lane Kiffin think the Sun Bowl happens on the Sun? WHAT ARE YOU WEARING CUZ

— Jason Kirk (@JasonKirkSBN) December 31, 2012

The Red Lobster scholar of the year is once again a pile of popcorn shrimp.

— Bill Hanstockings (@sundownmotel) December 31, 2012

Red Lobster scholar of the year wins a semi truck full of Cheddar Bay biscuits and a real bad attitude when you ask for a soda refill.

— Bill Hanstockings (@sundownmotel) December 31, 2012

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The 2012 Sun Bowl is just hours away. We’re sure you have so many questions. We’re here to help. (For an X’s and O’s breakdown, click through to Ben Glicksman’s game preview.)

The Trojans have arrived in El Paso. Yup, that is Lane Kiffin sporting a sombrero. #USC #SunBowl twitter.com/USC_Athletics/…

— USC Trojans (@USC_Athletics) December 26, 2012

• What’s all this, then? Hail to the Sun Bowl, sure is a fun bowl! Ra! Ra! Ra! Ugh. Look, somebody has to be excited about the Sun Bowl.

• Where will this game be played? The Sun Bowl takes place within the Sun Bowl, a stadium in El Paso, Texas, used as a home base by the UTEP Miners.

• When is it on television? Coverage begins at 2 p.m. ET on CBS. This is your last chance this college football season to bask in the chortlings of Verne Lundquist.

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Stefphon Jefferson has clearly just caught a look at the New Mexico Bowl scoreboard here. (AP)

• My god, it’s full of stats. Just for funsies, and maybe also because we’re football-free until Thursday, here is a list of NCAA bowl records broken by Nevada and Arizona in the 2012 New Mexico Bowl, via Wolf Pack sports info:

-Most plays (combined, both teams): Nevada-Arizona, 188 (Previous, 187, by Auburn-Northwestern in 2010 Outback Bowl).

-Most first downs: Nevada, 39 (Previous, 36—Oklahoma (48) vs. Virginia (14) (Gator, Dec. 29, 1991) (16 rush, 18 pass, 2 penalty); Marshall (64) vs. East Carolina (61) (2 ot) (GMAC, 2001) (9 rush, 25 pass, 2 penalty).

-Most first downs, both teams: Nevada-Arizona, 70 (Previous: 62—North Carolina St. (56) [34] vs. Kansas (26) [28] (Tangerine, 2003).

-Most first downs rushing: Nevada, 28 (Previous: 26—Oklahoma (40) vs. Auburn (22) (Sugar, Jan. 1, 1972); Navy (51) vs. Colorado St. (30) (Poinsettia, 2005).

-Most first downs rushing, both teams: Nevada-Arizona, 38 (Previous: 36—Colorado (47) [24] & Alabama (33) [12] (Liberty, 1969); Miami (FL) (46) [16] & Texas (3) [20] (Cotton, 1991).

An auspicious beginning to the postseason, no?

• Further bowltyme antics. In case you missed it last week, follow along with Stewart Mandel’s Bowl Pickoff right over here.

• Actual playoff happenings. Mount Union continues to do Mount Union things, gaining another D-III championship on Friday night … Valdosta State wrecked Winston-Salem State in the Division II title game … Sam Houston State and North Dakota State will face off for the FCS championship.

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Quarterback Trent Steelman (8) has played his final game for the Black Knights. (AP)

• Navy 17, Army 13. The Midshipmen take the Commander-in-Chief’s Trophy and extend their winning streak over the Black Knights, but don’t let this moment pass without a fond farewell to Trent Steelman, who was born to quarterback at Army:

Look, it's Trent Steelman and the Army versus Wave Ryder and the Navy. How is anyone not watching this?

—
Andrew Bucholtz (@AndrewBucholtz) December 08, 2012

Steelman finishes his college career without ever having beaten Navy, and with sour memories of his final play as a Black Knight. He also finishes with another record to his name and his legacy burnished, both during and after the game. We’ve written his name in all caps for years, because it just seems to fit. Happy trails, TRENT STEELMAN.

• Assorted trophy happenings. Read Andy Staples’ anecdote of the Manziel family’s adventures in trademarking … Manti Te’o garnered more Heisman points than any other purely defensive player in the history of the award … Te’o added the Lott Trophy to his hardware haul.

• Quote of the day, Heisman edition. From Johnny Manziel’s acceptance speech on Saturday night: “To Grandpa … you inspired me to play football. Grandma, I’m sorry for all the things we broke in the house.”

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• Louisville 20, Rutgers 17. We’ll let SI.com’s Gabriel Baumgaertner tell y’all all about the antics of Teddy Bridgewater, but don’t go away without watching him let it all out postgame with offensive coordinator Shawn Watson. Bridgewater led the Cardinals to a primetime win, on the road, against the country’s fourth-ranked scoring defense. And then this happened:

How Bridgewater is even remaining upright at this point is anybody’s guess, but up he his, and no matter your particular partisanship, you must applaud. Have you a pulse? You will be moved. But don’t take our word for it. Listen to his teammates. Here’s Louisville offensive lineman Alex Kupper, after the game: “His legacy at the University of Louisville keeps building and building, and he’s only halfway through. He’s just an unbelievable player, the way he fights. When you’re playing next to him, if you do anything less, it’s shame on you.”

Rutgers still gets a share of the Big East title, and Cincinnati could force a four-way tie atop the conference standings with a win over UConn, but take it from Louisville safety Calvin Pryor, as the Cardinals mull their postseason possibilities: ”Whatever it is is better than going to the Belk Bowl!” [BOX | RECAP]

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Stepfan Taylor (33) and Stanford will look to pull off a repeat performance against UCLA next week. (AP)

Snap Judgments from the Week 13 late slate. For more, check out Friday’s Snaps, Saturday’s early Snaps, Saturday’s midday Snaps, our recaps of Michigan-Ohio State, Florida-Florida State and Notre Dame-USC and our complete Top 25 review.

• No. 11 Stanford 35, No. 15 UCLA 17. With tonight’s victory, the Cardinal secured a share of the Pac-12 North division title and set up a rematch for the conference championship six days from now in Palo Alto. The win was all but assured midway through the second quarter, when Stanford jumped out to a 21-7 lead on a 49-yard Stepfan Taylor touchdown run; UCLA didn’t come within a score of catching up again all night. Stanford’s last conference title came in 1999; the Cardinal will be making their first appearance in the Pac-12 championship game.

Johnathan Franklin, he of the 131-yards-per-game rushing average, was held below 100 yards for just the fourth time this season, recording 65 yards on 21 carries and scoring one of the Bruins’ two touchdowns. Taylor more than doubled up Franklin, gaining 147 yards on 21 carries and scoring twice, all before being rested in the fourth quarter. UCLA quarterback Brett Hundley, meanwhile, threw for 259 yards but was sacked seven times — bad even for an offense that ranked 110th nationally in sacks allowed before this game, and above even Stanford’s lofty four-sack average.

Not to take anything away from Stanford, which has done some very neat work this season in the absence of Andrew Luck, among other key figures, but it’s all right to feel the tiniest bit let down about this. If only for the sake of variety, it would’ve been interesting to see UCLA play Oregon for the first time this season and not the Cardinal for a second in a week. But if we got everything we wanted, there’d be no point in writing fanfic about Ron Prince becoming monarch-commissioner of college football, and where’s the fun in that? The battle for a Rose Bowl bid begins next Friday at 8 p.m. ET. [BOX | RECAP]

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UCLA’s Johnathan Franklin rushed for 171 yards and two touchdowns in a victory over USC. (Jeff Gross/Getty Images)

Snap Judgments from the Week 12 midday slate. For more, check out our early Snaps, our coverage of Stanford-Oregon, our look at the new BCS landscape and our complete Top 25 review.

• No. 17 UCLA 38, No. 21 USC 28. You heard a lot last week about the football monopoly in Los Angeles being over. No, again. No, for real this time. Well, you’ll hear even more about it this week, but only because it’s finally, demonstrably true. (We’re taking suggestions on which board-game related jokes to start making in its place from here on out. Balderdash? Sorry? Jenga?)

On a rainy afternoon in the Rose Bowl, the Bruins dashed out to a 24-0 lead midway through the second quarter, only to see the Trojans snatch momentum back by the start of the third, by which point Matt Barkley had thrown two touchdown passes and defensive tackle George Uko had scored a genuine Fat Guy Touchdown on a slip-and-slide fumble recovery. (Storied rivalry, historic venue, high conference stakes, home-and-home jerseys AND a FGTD: This game had it all, y’all.) A pair of traded touchdowns and a successful USC two-point conversion later, and the Trojans were trailing by three points with a little more than seven minutes left in the fourth quarter.

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Monteé Ball’s last name is also a football word, which should save us all some headline writing time once he finally breaks this record. (AP)

Saturday college football games of varying degrees of interest, grouped in highly subjective categories. For more preview content, visit Andy Staples’ Walkthrough.

• Biggest game with nothing riding on it: No. 6 Ohio State at Wisconsin, 3:30 p.m. ET. The Badgers already know they’re headed to Indianapolis, as the only other teams with fewer than three conference losses in the Leaders Division (the Buckeyes and Penn State) are ineligible for postseason play. But a win here would be the biggest [screw]-you moment for Urban Meyer since the 2008 Florida-Georgia game. And if you think Urban Meyer doesn’t live for [screw]-you moments, please see the 2008 Florida-Georgia game.

What is actually at stake: The NCAA all-time career touchdowns record, currently sitting at 78 and held by former Miami RedHawk Travis Prentice. Monteé Ball is one score away from tying and two away from breaking this record, and he has a chance to do both at home. He recorded 198 rushing yards and three scores last week against Indiana; if Ball does break the record, expect to hear the hollering in Madison as far away as Kentucky, and expect little bits of glitter to spew from this page. (Please protect your eyes accordingly.)

• Biggest game we feel like we couldn’t predict if our lives depended on it: No. 21 USC at No. 17 UCLA, 3:05 p.m. We have well established at this point in the season that even when relying on math and the best available logic, picking games is tricky work. It’s much more fun, and equally ineffective, to rely on factors like spite and cussedness and probably-imaginary-but-maybe-not-surefire jinxes to decide, particularly in rivalry matchups, which is why this weekend’s clash in the Rose Bowl scares the hell out of us. Some factors to consider: Whose coach to dislike (or grudgingly admire) more? Is it cosmically dangerous to even bring up that “football monopoly” talk at this point? Can we straight-up call this game for USC because keeping an opposing team’s costumed representative from poking one’s field with a sword is the furthest possible thing from a power move imaginable?

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