Cam Newton is back at Auburn, taking spring classes and working toward his degree. Cam Newton will not be doing any press on this matter, according to Auburn. This leaves us with a lot of time on our hands to imagine what we would get up to if thrust back into a college environment with all of Newton’s accolades.
Are there any among you who would not abuse this situation just a tiny little bit? Here follows our abbreviated list of things we would try at Auburn if we happened to be a famous pro football player:
• Bring different combination of Auburn/Carolina apparel to campus every day. Festoon statue accordingly. Frequent refreshes for holidays/notable school events.
• Purchase baby elephant. Name it after Pat Dye. Outfit with tiny houndstooth hat. Drape with decorative blanket reading “28-27.” Take everywhere.
• Persuade Auburn biology department to breed tigers with panthers to produce the ultimate mascot/guardian-pet.
• At irregular intervals, pay for lunches of students in cafeteria line. When approached for autographs, claim to be Kenny Chesney in elaborate disguise and on stilts.
• Join intramural bowling, badminton or ping-pong team. Take everything involved WAY too seriously.
• Stage Cam Newton Look-Alike Contest.