It’s like our granddad always said, “Call the touchdown play first, or lose to Texas State at home in Week 1.” (AP)

Houston is auctioning off what it’s calling the “Ultimate Spring Game Experience,” which consists of reserved parking for the spring game, seats at the staff table for the pregame meal, facetime with Tony Levine, and then some light playcalling (emphasis added):

The winner and guest will then head out to Carl Lewis Field to pick up their two VIP field passes and take in pregame activities before meeting with Meacham and picking the first offensive play of the spring game. UHCougars.com recommends picking a touchdown.

We’re not making assumptions about how all your mothers behaved at sporting events, but ours was the “RUN THE TOUCHDOWN PLAY” type, and she’d look awfully fetching in red and white.

Winning bidder must be a University of Houston fan and supporter and must dress and act accordingly and in a professional and courteous manner while participating in this experience.

Well, hell. Still, it’s a good meditation to take into the weekend: Always call the touchdown play first.

Meet the new Boise. Same as the old Boise? If Joe Southwick has anything to say about it… (AP)

The return of our weekly highlight show of lesser FBS luminaries. Non-AQs and independents, be welcome. (Not you, Notre Dame; more on that at the bottom.)

• Time chasers. We mentioned this last week, but games we would most like to see played in other times: Boise State-Michigan State at the end of last year and Arkansas State-Oregon at the end of this one. The Broncos’ opening-week win streak was snapped, but not for a lack of effort on the part of Boise’s almost entirely rebuilt team. That Sept. 20 date with BYU is looking like appointment television about now. And we’re eager to see how Ryan Aplin and the Red Wolves develop offensively under Gus Malzahn as the season progresses against competition that’s more on their level. (Not included in this category: Memphis in Week 2. What do y’all reckon that score will look like?)

• ALL HAIL THE LORDS OF EARLY SEPTEMBER. Great show, Ohio. Now do it again, 11 more times. The Bobcats’ remaining regular season schedule, we remind you, consists of New Mexico State, Marshall, Norfolk State and eight MAC teams that finished with losing records in 2011. But this is MACtion, where accidents happen with a frenzied glee.

• HOUSTON. LOOK AT YOUR LIFE. LOOK AT YOUR CHOICES. We liked Houston. We really, really did. We agreed with noted football robot Paul Myerberg that the Cougars looked like a good bet to take the West, and look where that got us. Either Dennis Franchione has quietly built a program capable of winning in its first year of FBS competition, or Houston is flailing its way to a 2012 face plant. Or, heavens forfend — both. We know, at least, what Tony Levine thinks.

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Washington State coach Mike Leach, seen here pondering a heart-healthy start to his day. (AP)

• Let’s start our week off correctly, shall we? With some heart-healthy legumes and a quote from Mike Leach!

At a Pullman restaurant, Leach ordered a cup of lentil soup and fish tacos, prompting him to weigh in on lentils.

“I don’t know what a lentil is,” he confessed. “Actually, despite not having a great deal of expertise on lentils, I did know there was a lentil festival here. I’ll have to get to the bottom of this lentil stuff.”

Good morning!

• You’re doing it wrong. We continue to shake our heads at the entities preventing The Longhorn Network from reaching more homes. We have said this before, but isn’t it always best, as a species, to err on the side of More Football?

• Here is a photo of Nick Saban in an outdoor location that is not a football stadium or golf course. Still sort of baffled that this SEC beachgoing thing actually happened.

• Penn State update. The person identified as Jerry Sandusky’s “Victim 1″ is suing Penn State.

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