The Switzies are named in honor of Barry Switzer, patron saint of college football frolicking. (Andy Hayt/SI)

By Holly Anderson

In which we hand out imaginary trophies at the midpoint of the offseason, to celebrate living this long without football. Our pets remember what we look like in the mornings, now. It’s weird. Previous Switzies: 2011 midseason, 2011 postseason , 2012 offseason, 2012 midseason, 2012 postseason.

• Best offseason SI cover. We’re counting Colin Kaepernick’s appearance here as a #WACtion victory, but nothing tops Jadeveon Clowney overshadowing March Madness previews:

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The Switzies are named for former Oklahoma coach Barry Switzer, patron saint of football frolicking. Ten imaginary trophies — and the coveted Grape Job! plaque — honor our on- and off-field favorites at the close of the season.

• Special Achievement in Spectacle by a Heisman Winner. Johnny Manziel made more spectacular plays this season, in front of bigger crowds than the one that showed up in Shreveport when the Aggies faced Louisiana Tech in mid-October. But we got to see this one with our own eyes, giving it a special place in the shining black pits where our hearts should be. 

Just a madcap sequence of events on a night that saw more than its share of them.

• GameDay Moment of the Year. Someday eons into the future, when as-yet unimagined civilizations discover Earth and piece together the history of college football, it is our fervent and enduring hope that a being fancying itself a prophet uncovers this photo of South Carolina’s live mascot being fed Steve Spurrier-branded wine, and builds a religion around it.

Did Sir Big Spur sample the Steve Spurrier wine? twitter.com/gogamecocks/st…

— GoGamecocks.com (@gogamecocks) October 6, 2012

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Our 10 imaginary trophies celebrating on- and off-field favorites at the season’s midpoint. The Switzies are named for former Oklahoma coach Barry Switzer, patron saint of college football frolicking. For more midseason content, check out our Crystal Ball staff predictions, midseason All-America Team, podcast roundtable and Halfway Heisman.

• Best new toy. Johnny Manziel, QB, Texas A&M. He arrived on the national scene in a shirtless mugshot in the 2012 preseason, won the starting job for the Aggies as a redshirt freshman and then, wonder of wonders, turned out to be really good at football things. He stars in our Midseason Play of the Year, Defense (And Offense) (At The Same Damn Time), along with Christine Michael and Louisiana Tech’s Chip Hester and Mike Schrang:

• Midseason Play of the Year, Just Offense. This Bryan Bennett and Colt Lyerla touchdown raised a crucial question: Can scoring stats be split like sacks?

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Legendary coach Barry Switzer is the patron saint of Campus Union’s college football awards; Dana Holgorsen is one of our distinguished spring 2012 imaginary award recipients. (US PRESSWIRE)

[Previously: 2011 midseason Switzies | 2011 year-end Switzies]

Preseason football is meaningless football, but that won’t stop us from handing out imaginary trophies to the luminaries of spring. Be sure to also check out Andy Staples’ post-spring Top 25 and Stewart Mandel’s 10 spring lessons.

• The Paul Erdős Plaque for Most Relentlessly Complex Spring Game Scoring System: Auburn, which awarded players extra points for “explosive plays”  and consecutive first downs, confounding all onlookers.

• The Mark Mangino Medal of Mean Expectation Lowering: Quoth Dana Holgorsen, tempering fan panic as he tinkers with his offense: ”The guys in there? If we’re playing with them in the fall, we’re not going to win.”

• Most Likely To Announce His Own Retirement At Halftime Of The First Game Due To Incurable Sadness: We had Frank Spaziani slotted in here until about three minutes before hitting the “publish” button, when we realized we’re not sure if he’s capable of processing human sadness. Would Kirk Ferentz make an able runner-up candidate? He keeps right on losing running backs, had to replace two coordinators and has a Week 1 date with Northern Illinois. The Huskies are themselves replacing Chandler Harnish, but if Jordan Lynch can even prove a halfway passable facsimile … oh, man.

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The Switzies are named for former Oklahoma coach Barry Switzer, the patron saint of college football frolicking. (Rich Clarkson/SI)

Our 10 imaginary trophies celebrating on- and off-field favorites at the season’s midpoint:

• Best new toy: It’s not Clowney, Farmer or Kouandjio. The biggest impact freshman of 2011 is Clemson’s Sammy Watkins, who ranks in the top 20 nationally in receiving yards per game, sixth in kickoff returns and by the numbers is currently the FBS’ No. 10 all-purpose yardage generated. He’s recorded four games with at least 100 receiving yards in less than two months of college ball, and in two of those games has gone over 150. Against Maryland, he hit the century mark in receiving and  racked up 207 yards on kick return duty.

• Best stat: Aren’t early season cherry-picked numbers delicious? Remember those first weeks in September when Robert Griffin’s touchdown passes and incompletions hovered right around the same number? After four weeks of play that ratio was 20:18 and Baylor fan or not, it was hard not to hope it’d stay that way just for the spectacle of it. Subsequent games against Iowa State and Texas A&M knocked his incompletions out of reach. Then again, we’re talking about a guy who has a 78 percent completion rating after six games, so even his off days are nothing to sneeze at.

• Best highlight play: Nothing against the massive runs Trent Richardson’s reeling off, but there’s just something about a good catch that quickens the blood. The year’s best, thus far: Andrew Luck‘s one-handed grab versus UCLA, a move that would’ve been tricky even had the receiver been a receiver, and Mississippi State’s Chris Smith holding onto the ball in an invisible human gyroscope against South Carolina. Honorable mention: LSU punter Brad Wing‘s touchdown-that-wasn’t against Florida.

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