• By the time you see this post, all of this information will be out of date. Just keep this soothing mantra in your minds, and we’ll all get through this together:

When it all boils down, we’re all members of the Human Race Conference. #footballhugs

— Good Bull Hunting (@GBHunting) November 28, 2012

Change begets stress, and even good stress is stress, our mama has always said, so continue those deep, cleansing breaths while you read these releases from Middle Tennessee State and Florida Atlantic announcing their intent to join Conference USA in 2014. Karl Benson is making solar puns in all caps, so give him a little hug if you see him. And our pal Steven Godfrey finally realizes why Rutgers cut him off for a story a couple weeks back.

The Sun Sentinel is reporting that Western Kentucky and New Mexico State may be next, so if it’s all right with y’all we’re going to wait until next week to re-revise our handy realignment graphic.

• Bowltyme! Our postseason schedule is up and running, with new bowl teams added as they’re announced. It’s also in a font large enough for you to read first thing in the morning without your glasses a couple weeks from now, when you sit upright in bed and are terrified you have overslept into the New Mexico Bowl.

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Jordan Lynch, pinballer of the year. (AP)

Our weekly highlight show of lesser FBS luminaries. Non-AQs and independents, be welcome. WE HAVE MUCH TO DISCUSS.

• On teams about to move themselves outside our purview. Like we said this morning, we had no sooner finished updating our magnificent work of college football realignment art than word came down we might need to add Middle Tennessee State to it. And right as we were wrapping up this here column, Florida Atlantic joins the fray, chasing FIU to Conference USA. Consider this another plea for a dead period in conference realignment, for the sake of everyone’s collective multitasking abilities, at least until the bowls are over. What on earth else are we going to talk about in February if we get all this conference-hopping sorted out before Christmas?

And what to do with some of these teams going forward? We have a while to figure it out, obviously, but how to cover this ballooning middle class created by the sinking of the Big East? Will the Blue Raiders graduate from Profiterole-dom as Temple did last year? We’ll probably dedicate way more thought to this than we should; but, again, best to save that for the offseason when we have nothing better to do.

• Conference races drawing to a close. Where we’re at heading into that weird hybrid weekend of regular and postseason games: Kent State and Northern Illinois meet Friday night in Detroit for the MAC title game. Tulsa hosts Central Florida this Saturday for the C-USA championship. The Mountain West remains deadlocked in that wacky three-way tie between San Diego State, Fresno State and Boise State, with only the Broncos’ Saturday date with Nevada standing any chance of breaking it. The top two teams in the Sun Belt, Arkansas State and Middle Tennessee, play a final regular-season game Saturday that may as well be the conference title game. Utah State has clinched the WAC title outright with last week’s victory over Idaho. And Army and Navy will meet a week from Saturday for the right to hoist the Commander-in-Chief’s Trophy, with Air Force out of the race entirely for the first time since 2005.

• Bowltyme! Stewart Mandel’s latest postseason projections can be found here, along with a freshly-updated chart listing every accepted bowl invitation. Profiteroles playing this holiday season include Nevada in the New Mexico Bowl, Utah State in the Potato, San Diego State and BYU in the Poinsettia, Louisiana in the New Orleans, SMU in the Hawaii, Air Force in the Armed Forces and Navy in the Fight Hunger.

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What glories yet await Cory Dorris and the Golden Hurricane as Conference USA play continues? (AP)

Our weekly highlight show of lesser FBS luminaries. Non-AQs and independents, be welcome.

Tis the season for car commercials with big-ass bows and conference math. We attempted to explain, in bewildering detail, how the MAC races could shake out from here in our Wednesday night MACtion preview. We are here to inform you (with some glee, as we adore late-season chaos) that the MAC has far from the most convoluted conference race situation at the moment. Very quickly, the current states of the remaining non-AQ conference races, as teams not named Navy or BYU begin to prettify themselves for postseason suitors:

• Conference USA: Two teams with perfect 6-0 league play records top the two divisions: Central Florida in the East and Tulsa in the West. After Saturday, one squad’s record will bear some blemish when the two clash in Tulsa, but don’t expect that to affect the race. The Knights have only UAB to clear after that in the regular season, and hold a head-to-head advantage over East Carolina, the only other team in the division with fewer than three conference losses. Tulsa’s championship game aspirations could still be spoiled with a loss tonight and another at SMU November 24, assuming the Mustangs (4-2 in league play) beat Rice in the meantime.

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Florida State cheerleaders present the Noles’ and Hokies’ 2012 turnover margins in interpretive dance. (The girl at the top who is flying away represents the ball.) (AP)

• No. 8 Florida State 28, Virginia Tech 22. Things you need to know about Thursday night’s contest: EJ Manuel saved the game for the ‘Noles on a last-minute 39-yard touchdown connection to Rashad Greene. Virginia Tech linebacker Michael Cole has been diagnosed with a neck sprain after being taken off the field in an ambulance in the third quarter and was to be released from the hospital last night (and is already back on Twitter, if you’d like to send well wishes.) Also, this happened. For more on last night’s ACC clash, click these links:  [BOX | RECAP]

• Arkansas State 45, Louisiana-Monroe 23. Warhawks backup quarterback Cody Wells, starting in place of the injured Kolton Browning, managed to throw for 357 yards, but the Red Wolves are pretty adept at staying ahead on the scoreboard and the stat sheet. Ryan Aplin went 26-of-34 for 334 yards, and David Oku rushed 22 times for 131. Todd Berry spoke afterwards on how injuries to several key players, Browning among them, have affected the Warhawks late in the season:

“It’s been unfortunate, but that’s part of the game. I know one thing, about four weeks ago we were a lot better football team than we are right now. [...] Not to take away anything from [Arkansas State], but right now everybody looks pretty good against us.”

The Red Wolves remain atop the Sun Belt standings along with Middle Tennessee State, each carrying one conference loss. [BOX | RECAP ]

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Michigan State’s Mark Dantonio can get WAY grouchier than this. You’ll see. (AP)

Your oddly specific Saturday viewing guide. For more football-centric preview content, check out Andy Staples’ Walkthrough.

• Most locally sourced farm-to-fan football. In-state rivalries abound in Week 8, for those of you keeping vigilant watches on your carbon footprints. Saturday’s sustainably-grown grudge matches include No. 22 Stanford at Cal (3 p.m. ET), Michigan State at No. 23 Michigan (3:30 p.m.) and No. 12 Florida State at Miami (8 p.m.).

• Worst idea for a noon kickoff in recorded human history. Or maybe “best idea in terms of public safety,” but we’re still calling an 11 a.m. CT kickoff for LSU at Texas A&M the worst kind of cowardice. Who wants to live forever?

• Saddest ball of football sadness. Army (1-5) at Eastern Michigan (0-6), the latter of which we really did call “the country’s best winless team” on the Mandel Initiative podcast earlier this week. We meant every word of that. (HONORABLE MENTIONS: Boston College, already with a loss to this Army team, has to play a Georgia Tech team that’s already lost to Middle Tennessee State; and FAU-South Alabama, which will play in the One Of You is Getting Off The Floor Of The Sun Belt Whether You Want To Or Not Classic.)

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Logan Kilgore and the Middle Tennessee State offense racked up 510 yards of offense in a win at Georgia Tech. (AP)

Our weekly highlight show of lesser FBS luminaries. Non-AQs and independents, be welcome.

You see, they are called the “Sun Belt” teams because they are just out there belting people. See. That the Sun Belt would field four teams to be reckoned with in 2012 was a reasonable preseason estimate of ours, we think. What we didn’t expect was that two of those teams would be Louisiana-Monroe and Middle Tennessee State rather than Florida International and Arkansas State. Mario Cristobal’s Golden Panthers fell to 1-4 after a 48-20 loss to Louisiana Saturday; perhaps this is his way of telegraphing just how much he wants people to start bothering him with potential job openings in power conferences. We saw the Panthers, on paper, as the likely top contender for conference championship honors; right now, as deep as the Sun Belt is rolling, FIU will be lucky to finish in its top half.

But let’s focus on the good stuff, which you already know if you’re bothering to read this, but which we can’t stand not to repeat: Middle Tennessee, which opened the season with a six-point loss to an FCS team, just racked up 510 yards and 49 points against Georgia Tech, at Georgia Tech. Tee-hee! The Blue Raiders’ weapon of choice: junior running back Benny Cunningham, who carried the ball 27 times for a grand total of 217 yards and five touchdowns. MTSU’s defense sacked Tevin Washington four times. Paul Johnson must’ve eaten a quarry’s worth of gravel just to make it through a single film session.

“Our guys know what they’re getting into at Middle. These guys have played against them the last couple of years. This is a good conference,” said Louisiana-Monroe coach Todd Berry after Saturday’s win over Tulane. A popular sentiment heading into 2012, re: the Sun Belt, to be sure. But did you ever think these two outfits would be this thickly in the mix? Week 6′s Warhawks-Blue Raiders tilt is looking like appointment television about now.

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Nick Florence threw for a Baylor-record 581 yards against West Virginia … and lost. (ZUMAPRESS.com)

Assorted bests and worsts from college football’s weekend that was:

• Most traumatizing treasured memory to be passed down to future generations:

Talk about a memorable tailgate, I just attended a wedding in the parking lot of FedEx Field. Hokies instagr.am/p/QKwOFNqIUU/

— Homer McFanboy (@HomerMcFanboy) September 29, 2012

“Grandmama, what was your wedding day like?” “Well, Kayleee, Bud Foster’s defense allowed 495 yards to Cincinnati, including a 39-yard touchdown pass with less than 30 seconds to play, which is how we got the idea to name your uncle Munchie, in the hopes that he’d grow up to achieve greatness.”

• The We Are Giving Nick Florence A Medal, Consarnit Medal of Gallantry in the Face of Complete Defensive Lunacy: Florence, y’all. See, 581 yards and five touchdowns shouldn’t rightly send anybody home with a loss. Baylor converted 11-of-16 third-down tries Saturday; just one more successful attempt and, again, we’re maybe writing a different story today.

• Loudest scream into the abyss: We are automatically behind any quarterback who shows up in a shirtless mugshot setting before even earning the starting job, so Johnny Manziel turning out to be really good at football is just icing at this point. But what icing: While we were watching Baylor and West Virginia blow holes in one another Saturday, Johnny Football (CAN YOU BE ANY MORE AMERICAN? WE THINK NOT!) was throwing for 453 yards, rushing for 104 more and accounting for four scores against Arkansas. Speaking of which:

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We know, David Ash. We can’t wait for Texas’ Week 6 game against West Virginia, either. (AP)

Snap Judgments from the Week 5 evening slate. For more coverage, check out midday Snaps and early Snaps, Holly Anderson’s coverage of Baylor-West Virginia, Andy Staples’ coverage of Ohio State-Michigan State, Stewart Mandel’s coverage of Stanford-Washington and our complete Top 25 review.

• No. 12 Texas 41, Oklahoma State 36: It may be impossible, even for devoted students of hyperbole such as ourselves, to demonstrate how much we’re looking forward to next week’s Texas-West Virginia game. Texas quarterback David Ash is going to draw statistical comparisons, over the course of this week, to Geno Smith, comparisons in which he will fall short in a numerical sense, even having faced a Cowboys’ defense that was missing several key components.

But for those of you who study the delicate science of clutchology, witness the Longhorns’ final scoring drive in Stillwater tonight, in which Ash hit D.J. Grant with a pass that resulted in a 29-yard gain, a pass caught so quickly it looked like a flicker in the cable feed on our crummy hotel television, and then less than a minute later connected with Mike Davis over the top of a Cowboys defender for 32 yards more. OUR NOTES ARE ALL IN CAPS AT THIS POINT, PROBABLY BECAUSE GUS JOHNSON WAS CALLING THIS GAME, BUT ALSO BECAUSE BOTH OF THESE PLAYS WERE REALLY NEAT.

Two plays later, Joe Bergeron tried to punch in a touchdown from two yards out and, depending on which shade of orange you prefer, either scored heroically or fumbled the ball and was handed a score by an inept set of officials. (On our subpar viewing monitor, it didn’t look like a score, but we weren’t there. What we do know is that we agree with our colleague Andy Staples that this was one of those games that just begged for ref suspensions. Bad calls went to both sides.)

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Washington’s Kasen Williams provided one of Thursday’s only moments of offensive flash. (AP)

• Washington 17, No. 8 Stanford 13. Will this be one of those delightful years that sees every highly regarded team picked off, one by one? What, like you don’t want to see a Minnesota-Oregon State Rose Bowl? Cartoon beavers and gophers, clutching flower stems in their teeth! Don’t hate this beautiful inevitability.

We do not quite credit Stanford’s Trent Murphy with the elusive FAT GUY TOUCHDOWN, but he certainly is burly, and his interception return provided some of the only entertainment to be found in Thursday night’s matchup. Stewart Mandel, bless him, actually watched the whole thing and wrote some words about it. Honor him. [BOX | RECAP]

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Robbie ‘Mighty Mouse’ Rouse, out for a leisurely stroll against one of the worst football teams in human memory. (AP)

Our weekly highlight show of lesser FBS luminaries. Non-AQs and independents, be welcome.

Soooo remember last week, when we were all “Robbie Rouse is 79 yards away from becoming Fresno State’s all-time leading rusher, isn’t that swell?” We all know by now what happened next. So while we’ve got Mighty Mouse up on a pedestal, let’s put some of his teammates up there with him.

Video game football doesn’t begin to cover what Fresno State did to Colorado in Week 3; this was more akin to watching a cartoon. Were you aware … 

•  Rouse’s 94-yard touchdown run, the one that made him Fresno State’s all-time leading rusher, wasn’t even the Bulldogs’ longest scoring play of the game? On Fresno State’s prior possession, Derek Carr and Isaiah Burse combined for a 97-yard pitch-and-catch touchdown run.

•  Carr recorded his 300 passing yards and five touchdowns all in the first half?

•  Fresno State’s defense recorded four interceptions and four sacks?

•  Safety Phillip Thomas was responsible for three of those interceptions, two of which he returned for touchdowns?

•  Even the Bulldogs’ punter, Andrew Shapiro, got in on the rout with a career-long 69-yard punt? 

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