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Has it really been two full days since our last Florida recruiting Photoshop post? Sorry about that:
Our only quibble: They couldn’t work “Ben Hill Gryffindor” in up there at the top left corner? Or are Gators, by their reptilian nature, natural Slytherins?
We asked for this. Just one week ago, we beseeched the football gods, “Please let this practice continue and spread until all of D-I is being wooed with shoddily animated lightning bolts,” and now Florida’s homegrown graphics fever has infected Gators running backs coach Brian White, with added trompe-l’œil capabilities:
Dominique Booth is a four-star wide receiver prospect in the class of 2014. The Indianapolis native has offers from a couple dozen schools, per Rivals, including Alabama, Florida State, Michigan, Ohio State, Notre Dame and Wisconsin. He is also currently being targeted by one singularly dedicated Tennessee fan, in the reachiest case of Twittercrootin’ we ever hope to see:
Chipped my tooth though 😐—
Dominique Booth (@D1Bound721) April 21, 2013
While we cannot endorse tweeting at recruits, we do want to point out that our dentist during our time in Knoxville was a chain-smoking, gold-chain-sporting NASCAR grandpa, and that we have admirable teeth.
Michael Ferns is a four-star class of 2014 linebacker prospect from Saint Clairsville, Ohio, who has been offered by such programs as Alabama, Notre Dame, Ohio State and Stanford. He’s currently committed to Michigan. But via intrepid reader Jane, we were alerted to a curious piece of recruiting literature he appears to have received:
We say “appeared to receive” because without seeing the thing in our actual hands there’s no way to verify that this actually did come from Mississippi State. Will that stop us from having an impromptu afternoon Laff Riot? It will not:
The Big Ten, we are often told by Big Ten types, just Expects More out of its member schools, as do the schools themselves from their student athletes. So since Penn State is an academically well-regarded member of the Leaders Division, it should come as no surprise that it attracts the kind of prospective student who’s hardwired for overachieving — even when it comes to criminal acts.
Where your average recruit making the police blotter in a conference of lesser renown would turn up there for unpaid parking tickets or underage beer purchases, Nittany Lions prospect Zayd Issah is facing felony forgery and misdemeanor theft charges for “an alleged scheme to pass counterfeit money at a local McDonald’s restaurant,” is what we’re saying. As of this writing, there has been no public comment by Bill O’Brien regarding Issah’s future, if any, with the Nittany Lions.
For those of you scoring at home, this makes the second time this offseason that felonies have been committed by current or future college football players in the name of free snacks.
Our greatest vinyl-based fears have come to pass, with the NCAA’s board of directors following through on recommendations to suspend two high-profile new pieces of legislation, including the beloved (by us) Fathead Rule:
The Board postponed new rules deregulating who can perform recruiting tasks and what printed materials can be sent to prospects. Board members also considered suspending a third proposal that eliminated restrictions on modes and numerical limitations of recruiting contacts, but they ultimately agreed to let the membership decide that rule’s future through the override process. Suspending the rules means they will not become effective unless and until appropriate modifications are made.
Do we see how these proposals could get entirely out of hand if left unchecked? Sure. Are we disappointed that the mailing of oversized vinyl helmets and humans to high school kids isn’t going to be a thing? Little bit. Is the true source of our disappointment welling from the destruction of our plan to get our cat registered as an associate degree holder from a diploma mill and see if we can get him included on hot juco prospect lists, thereby earning a giant Fathead of his face? It absolutely is. Catheads!
The best case against elite college football prospects going to Georgia Tech that we’ve ever heard comes courtesy of … Paul Johnson? As told to the AJC (emphasis ours):
Johnson has heard it all while trying to attract recruits to Georgia Tech since 2007, and offered some candid thoughts on negative recruiting:
“I think a lot of it is out there,” he said. “I don’t hear as much about the (offense or SEC) in negative recruiting as I do ‘Your school is hard, and you don’t have any fun.’
Simple. Direct. To the point. There’s a lot to admire here, from a hater’s standpoint. This reminds us of nothing so much as our college roommate’s endlessly useful, never-fail breakup argument, the Avada Kedavra of coed slams: “Because you smell, and I don’t love you anymore.”
[Via the good Senator.]
Class of 2014 prospect Drake Harris, a two-sport star at Grand Rapids Christian, has withdrawn his verbal commitment to Michigan State and has been visiting Michigan, per the Detroit Free Press. Rated as a four-star recruit in both football and basketball, Harris has received football offers from such programs as Alabama, Florida, Georgia, Notre Dame and Oregon. As told to the Freep:
“Since I’m just playing football now,” Harris told reporters after his regional basketball game Monday in Grand Rapids, “I want to play at a bigger school, win a national championship.”
One of the most effective offseason conditioning methods out there is message-board rage sprints. To help you along, here’s a guide to everyone who could conceivably be offended by Harris’ statement:
• Michigan State: For Harris reopening his recruitment and slighting of the Spartans’ football program.
• Michigan: For the implied slight of the Michigan basketball program.
• Everybody else in the Big Ten not located in Columbus, Ohio (probably). Lest we forget, Ohio State also went after Harris, so look forward to whatever bon mots Urban Meyer has to dispense about Harris’ chances of winning a national title with the Wolverines.