Washington’s Austin Seferian-Jenkins was reportedly involved in a nasty-sounding car crash over the weekend. (AP)

Over the weekend, Tacoma’s News Tribune reported that Washington’s Austin Seferian-Jenkins had been involved in a car accident. The sophomore tight end holds the school career record for receiving yards and touchdown catches, and he recorded seven scores in 2012.

Washington released a statement from Steve Sarkisian on Sunday afternoon: “We are aware of an incident that occurred Saturday evening involving Austin Seferian-Jenkins. We are taking the matter very seriously. Austin made decisions that fall short of our expectations for student-athletes who represent the University of Washington. He will be disciplined internally in accordance with team and departmental policies. We will continue to support Austin throughout this process, while also holding him accountable and responsible for his actions.”

The school release added that Seferian-Jenkins and the athletic department would not be commenting further on the incident, but Monday afternoon the Seattle Times reported some scary context for the arrest, citing a police report in which an unnamed driver’s car left the road and the driver went headfirst into the car’s windshield.

Markus Pierce-Brewster: Better at quarterback hurrying than he is at alleged electronics theft. (AP)

Now that we’ve gotten that punnery out of our system, the facts: Syracuse defensive end Markus Pierce-Brewster and defensive tackle Davon Walls are among four students facing felony burglary charges. The students are accused — allegedly backed up by surveillance videos — of burglarizing several Syracuse apartments, making off with close to a thousand dollars’ worth of electronic equipment.

Pierce-Brewster played in all 13 games for the Orange last season, recording 13 solo tackles, seven solo tackles for loss and one sack. Walls is perhaps best known for declaring last offseason, “I’m like a steak. People want it medium rare.”

At left, Samson Kafovalu tackles Stanford’s Kevin Hogan as though he were a short brick wall. (AP)

Today in arrests that sound much cooler now than they probably were at the time: Boulder’s Daily Camera reports that Colorado defensive lineman Samson Kafovalu was arrested over the weekend while trying to buffalo-doze his way into a fraternity party. Relevant excerpt, emphasis added: “While his friends were trying to push him back, Kafovalu bumped into a short brick wall and knocked part of it over, causing $300 in damage according to the fraternity, according to police.”

Now. We’re not monsters. Threatening other human beings is not OK. If folks don’t want you in their party that badly, how good a time could you really have in there? And we cannot condone property damage that doesn’t involve garden gnomes. But. Don’t you wanna be the guy who knocked over a brick wall? However short and decrepit? Like an actual buffalo might have done? If Kafovalu can properly channel this Super Mario power of his, what a difference that might make to Colorado’s defense.

Among the charges filed against Kafovalu: “use of fighting words,” which, it turns out, can be a crime!

Or, In Which We Should Have Known Better Than To Try And Go Out Of Town Today:

Recruiting wise, this is a star-studded arrest. Four players totaling a combined 18-star rating. #Bama—
SB Nation Recruiting (@SBNRecruiting) February 12, 2013

Johnny Manziel thwarts Alabama once again, gentle readers. Young Master Football’s Heisman Trophy victory means the Tide will be unable to complete the celebrated Switzer Sweep of winning the BCS championship, Fulmer Cup and Heisman Trophy in a single year, as Auburn did not too long ago. But ‘Bama’s making up for missing out on the third element of the Slam by going after the second as it does on the football field: With alarming depth and relentless tenacity.

Crimson Tide running back Brent Calloway, linebacker Tyler Hayes, defensive lineman D.J. Pettway and safety Eddie Williams have all been arrested and charged in connection with an incident in which two students were robbed, and a credit card obtained in the attack was used to purchase … vending machine snacks? College! Charge details, per the Associated Press:

 Pettway and Hayes were charged with second-degree robbery. Williams was charged with fraudulent use of a credit card and second-degree robbery. Calloway was charged with fraudulent use of a credit card.

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Our continued best wishes to Tulane’s Devon Walker for a complete recovery. (AP Photo/Tulane University)

Newsy bits of varying degrees of quality from the weekend that was:

• Good news first. “As a senior, I had only a few more credits to get and it would seem like a waste of time for me to have gone through all the struggles I have and just act like I don’t need it any more or act like it wouldn’t help me in the future.” New Orleans’ WWL-TV catches up with Tulane’s Devon Walker, who intends to return to school this fall and wrap up his cell and molecular biology degree.

• And then deer antler spray news, as God intended. Intrepid internet personality Rick Muscles bought him some Bambi shavings at the S.W.A.T.S. gym, which went about how you might expect it to go:

RM: Please remember: a dude with a hologram taped to his nipple was telling me about my second brain.

SH: In your stomach.

RM: In my stomach.

SH: Go on.

• Phrasing. As Friday evening news dumps go, the revelation that Texas offensive coordinator Major Applewhite was disciplined in 2009 for having a relationship with a student was a doozy, and that’s not even counting what may be the most unfortunately placed “during” in sports history:

Deloss Dodds: ""Major Applewhite engaged in inappropriate, consensual behavior with an adult student one time during the 2009 Fiesta Bowl."—
Bob Ballou (@KEYESportsBob) February 02, 2013

Burnt Orange Nation breaks down the situation over here.

• ‘Crootin! When We Get Interested About Recruiting: When we can up our tally of schools holding Signing Day events at Buffalo Wild Wings (New Mexico State makes three!), when the AJC gets to explain what a bong is and when Jim Mora invites everybody over for hot dish, velvet ropes be damned:

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We have at least three weeks’ worth of Sebastian photos on hand, in case this Miami story keeps dragging on. (AP)

Assorted newsy bits — of varying degrees of importance — you might have missed over the long weekend:

• Didn’t we already do this headline a week ago? ”Imminent” can mean a lot of things! In the cosmic sense, the NCAA’s investigation of Miami has spanned less than a fraction of an eyeblink, but here we are, riding on a human-speed space-time wave, just twiddling our bloggy thumbs until the ‘Canes’ notice of allegations drops. The latest rumblings, per Bruce Feldman, involve a very large book being thrown at ex-Miami and current Louisville assistant Clint Hurtt and other former ‘Canes colleagues. We’ll have more on this when we actually see the notice of allegations, unless we don’t see this notice of allegations, in which case we’ll be right back here next Monday writing a third variation on this same headline.

• And speaking of the NCAA: On the final day of the annual NCAA convention, the latest raft of changes — touted as an effort to streamline NCAA regulations — were unveiled. Your friendly neighborhood Bylaw Blogger takes a look at one proposal, regarding recruiting start dates, that was left out of the bundle.

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• You a Terp? Maryland has announced walk-on football tryouts for Wednesday, January 30. You must be a full-time, currently enrolled student to be eligible for consideration.

This is also your reminder that heading into Maryland’s last regular-season football game of 2012, this is what Maryland’s injury report looked like. So if you’re an aspiring quarterback, we’re honestly not sure whether to tell you to show up or stay away.

• Meanwhile, while the internet was caving in on itself …  Lost yesterday in the avalanche of news shocks was the announcement that the Mountain West has retaken San Diego State. (We’re choosing to picture this as a giant Risk board in action. The Big 12 is clearly Australia.) We have an MWC source who’s promised to tell us the second the conference poaches UCLA, and y’all will be the first to know after that.

• Coach-hirin’ follies! Go right on ahead and apply for Chip Kelly’s old job, and be sure and let us know how that works out … here is a magnificent lead followed by Rob Mullens’ insistence that he has no clubhouse leaders in mind for Kelly’s vacant seat … John-El lands at DII Fort Lewis College … Utah passing coordinator Aaron Roderick will take the OC slot at BYU [UPDATE: No he won't!] … Louisiana Tech won’t have to re-glaze any of its “I <3 OFFENSIVE COORDINATOR TONY” mugs … Tim Rosenbach joins the UNLV staff as OC.

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Commissioner Delany, can we get a little Gator Chomp?

• From the “Things That Will In No Way End In Heartbreak” Department. The Chick-fil-A Bowl has set up a “Rivalizer” web app that allows you to accessorize the photo of your choice with paraphernalia supporting the ACC or SEC team of your choice. We have a modest example on the right here.

• Well, now we KNOW he’s lying. Nick Saban, betraying his true form by acting like he’s some kind of mortal being with a defined lifespan: “I really enjoy what I’m doing here right now. I’m getting old now.” For the record, we hope he stays at Alabama forever, just to see if he ages more slowly than his statue outside Bryant-Denny Stadium.

• Roster blotter. Alabama’s Barrett Jones continues to rest his injured foot … Oregon’s Kyle Long has lost his eligibility appeal … Washington State’s Jeff Tuel will try his luck at the NFL draft … Missouri’s Ka’Ra Stewart has been dismissed from the Tigers following a drug possession arrest.

• Quote of the day. “The [university] presidents and athletic directors need to wake up about these [non-automatic qualifying] conferences and understand that they don’t have the fan appeal.” — Gator Bowl president Rick Catlett. “His SEC/Big Ten game is going for $2.50.” — Stewart Mandel.

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Highlight video of the ballyhooed 1992 RU/VT game. And there is NO QUESTION it was made in 1992. youtu.be/UIlIsa2zphg

— RussellAthleticBowl (@RussellAthBowl) December 3, 2012

We would like to politely request at this time that all footage of the 2012 Rutgers Athletic Bowl adhere to these same retro production values. For continuity, you see.

• Assorted trophy happenings. Your 2012 Heisman finalists, who are somehow still not called “Heis-men,” which will apparently never be satisfactorily explained: Johnny Manziel, Manti Te’o and Collin Klein. Klein has also been bestowed with the Johnny Unitas Award, and Te’o with the Nagurski Trophy. In non-Heis-men news, Notre Dame’s Bob Diaco is the 2012 Broyles Award winner, and Matt McGloin takes home the Burlsworth Award.

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• By the time you see this post, all of this information will be out of date. Just keep this soothing mantra in your minds, and we’ll all get through this together:

When it all boils down, we’re all members of the Human Race Conference. #footballhugs

— Good Bull Hunting (@GBHunting) November 28, 2012

Change begets stress, and even good stress is stress, our mama has always said, so continue those deep, cleansing breaths while you read these releases from Middle Tennessee State and Florida Atlantic announcing their intent to join Conference USA in 2014. Karl Benson is making solar puns in all caps, so give him a little hug if you see him. And our pal Steven Godfrey finally realizes why Rutgers cut him off for a story a couple weeks back.

The Sun Sentinel is reporting that Western Kentucky and New Mexico State may be next, so if it’s all right with y’all we’re going to wait until next week to re-revise our handy realignment graphic.

• Bowltyme! Our postseason schedule is up and running, with new bowl teams added as they’re announced. It’s also in a font large enough for you to read first thing in the morning without your glasses a couple weeks from now, when you sit upright in bed and are terrified you have overslept into the New Mexico Bowl.

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