Cam Clear, pictured here on National Signing Day 2011, was arrested after stealing a laptop from a Tennessee baseball player. (Landov)

Continuing a proud tradition of SEC football players named Cameron operating in a state of blissful oblivion regarding how easy stolen laptops are to track, backup Tennessee tight end Cam Clear was arrested Tuesday for felony theft after being caught with a Vol baseball player’s laptop. This being a college-athlete-swiping-electronics story, it will not surprise you to learn that he was apprehended in the dumbest possible fashion:

UT police detected Tuesday someone was using the laptop to log into the university’s wireless network and caught Clear sitting at the keyboard, according to the warrant.

We’ve said this before in about five different ways, but in today’s rapidly evolving world of technology, it disturbs us deeply that young Americans can reach their majority without understanding how easy it is to track gadgetry. Clear regretfully neglected to finish the drill in classic Cameron fashion by printing his name on the computer in letters visible from space or flinging it out the window in an effort to evade capture. No word just yet on his status with the team (UPDATE: indefinite suspension, ahoy!), but best case scenario, a stint in junior college and monster one-year career with an SEC West team will precede early entry into the draft. (Worst case scenario, he ends up in the What To Expect When You’re Expecting sequel.)

*And what the blue heck is James Cameron up to on the bottom of the ocean, all by himself? We’ll never really know, will we?

Maudrecus Humphrey and two other Razorbacks were arrested Saturday and charged with burglarizing dorm rooms. (AP)

It’s been an offseason of bad life choices for the Razorbacks, even though it’s only May, and even discounting entirely l’affaire Hawgpanky. We had Jason Peacock using a stolen debit card to ring up a whopping $35 of fraudulent gas pump charges in March, Tyler Gilbert involved in the theft of “camouflage military clothing, a plastic purple and gold Jason hockey mask, two dog collars and and four $20 bills” in April, and now Marquel Wade, Maudrecus Humphrey and Andrew Peterson caught in an astonishingly poorly thought-out dorm-burgling spree:

Wade was charged Saturday with one felony count of burglary. Humphrey, a junior, and Peterson, a redshirt freshman, are both charged with nine felony counts of burglary. [...]

Some of the stolen items were recovered from a bookstore near campus, along with in Peterson’s room, and the report said a store clerk identified the three as regularly selling used items.

Real criminal masterminding at work here. If all felony charges stand, the Razorbacks will edge TCU out in that lovable offseason diversion, the Fulmer Cup standings, where they’re tied with Washington State for sixth place as of this writing. Give them credit for singleminded teamwork, if nothing else. But now all we can think about is this:

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Oklahoma indefinitely suspended four players for violating team rules, including Jaz Reynolds (16) and two other receivers. (Getty)

In descending order of 2012 impact, let’s review the latest round of offseason bad life decisions made in the Big 12:

• Oklahoma: Four players suspended indefinitely, three of them receivers, for (all together now) the ever-popular-and-mysterious Violation Of Team Rules. The absence of wideouts Trey Franks, Kameel Jackson and Jaz Reynolds will significantly deplete the Sooners’ receiving corps, but OU blog Crimson & Cream Machine thinks the presence of Kenny Stills and a few promising underclassmen could make up the difference:

The bottom line is that Stills, Metoyer and Gardner are all capable of drawing the double-team and Jaz Reynolds wasn’t. Whoever replaced Reynolds must be ready to make and immediate impact and get the offense clicking quickly.

If the suspensions hold up into the season then the Sooners may have lost a lot in terms of bodies but when it comes to the product on the field they didn’t lose much at all.

Defensive back Quentin Hayes is the fourth offender. He recorded three solo tackles as a redshirt freshman in 2011 and saw action in a special teams capacity.

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Sammy Watkins made headlines when a traffic stop led to the discovery of pot and pills in his vehicle.
(Getty Images)

In a Campus Union feature first, the Allstate Police Blotter Item of the Week* is jam-packed with players you’ve actually heard of, all making bad life choices! (Half of them, anyway, but we’ll get to that.) Who’ll wrest the lead of most LOLsome police interaction of spring away from Boston College’s Jaryd Rudolph?

Cast your vote below for the Allstate Police Blotter Item of the Week:

Case 1: Sammy Watkins (WR/demigod) Clemson
The Incident: A traffic stop led to the discovery of weed and pills and drug charges for the freshman phenom.
The Case For: The possibility that the drugs were planted on Watkins by the Tigers’ perpetually intoxicated-looking plush mascot. (Seriously, have you seen that thing’s eyes? We would almost rather be dropped into a cage with an actual live tiger.)
The Case Against: Turning the mic over here to Georgia O-lineman Watts Danzler:

Sammy Watkins.. If he didn’t run Im disappointed, he could have led a highway high speed chase on foot and the cops would have never got him

— Watts Dantzler (@wattsdantzler) May 4, 2012

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Arizona's Jourdon Grandon reportedly punched numerous female partygoers in the face at a party.
(Icon SMI)

Another week, another bumper crop of legal run-ins for our irregularly scheduled distraction item, the Allstate Police Blotter Item of the Week, which continues to not be sponsored by Allstate, at all. These players’ life decisions are decidedly not in good hands.

Cast your vote below for the Allstate Police Blotter Item of the Week:*

Candidate 1: Josh Huff, WR, Oregon
The Incident: Drunk driving and speeding, all without a license.
The Case For: In 2012, Huff is a special kind of snowflake. From the Register-Guard report: “He is apparently the only member of the team to be arrested since the Ducks won the Rose Bowl on Jan. 2.” That is several days!
The Case Against: Getting kinda bored with Beaver State players not putting any creativity into their offseason antics. If Malcolm Marable was just copying Cliff Harris, what does that say about Huff’s followup?

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Kentucky linebacker Ridge Wilson has been charged with trafficking in a controlled substance. (AP)

The extremely Kentuckily-named Ridge Wilson really should’ve gotten arrested last week, when he could have given MTSU’s Preston Tillman Bailey III a jolly fight in our Allstate Police Blotter Item of the Week poll (which continues to be in no way sponsored by Allstate). Where Bailey was lacking in elegance of execution, caught keeping his stash in a dirty clothes hamper, Wilson has clearly studied up enough on the tricks of his chosen trade to remember the first rule of drug trafficking under duress: Never keep your drugs and your money in the same pants. 

Wilson allowed officers to search his vehicle. That’s when police say they found a pair of jeans in the back seat with a bag of Xanax pills. They also allegedly found $1,947 in the jeans he was wearing. Wilson was charged with trafficking in a controlled substance, a felony.

Of course, it helps if the pairs of pants are themselves separated. (Man, what is it with allegedly drug-dealing college athletes and laundry issues?) And if you don’t repeatedly remind the cops you’re a D-I football player like that’s some kind of ameliorating factor.

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Oregon State's Malcolm Marable (22) was cited for driving 104 mph on the interstate. (US PRESSWIRE)

Just when it seems we’re in for a quiet week of an already interminable offseason, up pops a cluster of frolicsome arrests and citations to help us forget, however momentarily, that it is February and these kinds of stories are all we have to divert us from our daily spins on the hamster wheel between now and September. Cast your vote below for the Allstate Police Blotter Item of the Week:*

Candidate 1: Malcolm Marable, CB, Oregon State.
The Incident: Clocked at 104 mph (in a 65-mph zone, as though speed limits really matter here) on the interstate.
The Case For: Was also driving without proof of insurance, just to be cheeky.
The Case Against: Already drawing inevitable comparisons to former Oregon rival Cliff Harris’ infamous speeding arrest. And Harris was going faster.
Bonus Trivia: Both Harris and Marable were driving Altimas at the time of their law enforcement run-ins. Shrieking pundit class ready to suggest the abolition of college football every time a high-profile student-athlete is arrested or seriously injured, now’s your chance to get on the anti-Nissan bandwagon, and warn a grateful nation against these cars that are clearly designed to seduce our youths into unsafe driving habits.

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TCU offensive tackle Ty Horn was charged with one felony count and one misdemeanor count of delivery of marijuana. (US Presswire)

Ready for a little light afternoon reading about college football’s newest and highest-profile on-campus drug ring? Warrants and affidavits for the four TCU players (Tanner Brock, Devin Johnson, D.J. Yendry, Ty Horn) arrested in Wednesday’s drug bust are available for your perusal via the Fort Worth Star-Telegram‘s website, and the information, at the very least, seems to indicate that several more arrests could be on the way. Highlights from the court documents, including specific charges for all four players, include:

• OT Ty Horn: Charged with one felony count and one misdemeanor count of delivery of marijuana. According to the affidavit, an undercover Fort Worth police officer received a tip on Nov. 3, 2011, that Horn was involved in the sale of hydroponic marijuana “to college students and football players at Texas Christian University.” That same day, the officer purchased marijuana from Horn and Yendry at a private residence. On Nov. 7, the officer contacted Horn again, who then referred him to Yendry.

• DT D.J. Yendry:  Charged with four felony counts and two misdemeanor counts of delivery of marijuana. During the Nov. 7 meeting with the undercover officer, Yendry revealed that he was Horn’s supplier, sold the officer more marijuana, and inquired about the possibility of obtaining mushrooms for future sale. Yendry conducted two more sales with the officer during the month of November, according to the affidavit, and once in the month of December. In December, Yendry named Johnson as his supplier to the officer. On Jan. 19, 2012, the officer happened to contact Yendry at a time when Yendry’s stash was running low, and the officer was referred to Brock. Read More…