Jordan Webb, seen here being arrested in motion by a CSU defender, was for-real arrested this weekend. (AP)

By Holly Anderson

We’ve got an update on Jordan Webb’s and Alex Lewis’ assault charges, and, for the second time this offseason, a brick wall appears in a Colorado football-related police report. Why do we notice these things? From the Daily Camera:

According to the report, Bussey and Lewis bumped into each other, which led to a verbal argument and a shoving match. The friend then told police Lewis repeatedly shoved Bussey into a brick wall, causing his head to hit the wall several times. The friend told police Webb then came over and the two men shoved Bussey to the ground and began punching him.

Click through for more details, including Lewis’ self-reported ability to drink like an actual buffalo: “Lewis said he’d had six glasses of wine, 10 beers and six shots of various other alcohol that night. He did not know how much Webb had to drink.”

Jordan Webb, seen here being arrested in motion by a Colo. State defender, was for-real arrested this weekend. (AP)

By Holly Anderson

We just want to state for the record, right at the outset, that writing about Colorado football twice in the span of one week is not some sort of elaborate prank.

You probably thought, upon seeing the headline “Colorado QB arrested for assault,” that given Nick Hirschman’s departure to Akron and Jordan Webb’s ACL injury, that Connor Wood had got himself into trouble of some kind. But no: In the Buffs upset of the week, it’s Webb facing felony charges, along with just-released offensive lineman Alex Lewis.

Please continue to hold this play up as the perfect visual metaphor for the state of Colorado football.

Kendal Thompson, seen here in an upright moment. (AP)

By Holly Anderson

In the police blotter sleeper hit of the week, we have Oklahoma quarterback Kendal Thompson getting scooped up for public intoxication, which normally wouldn’t trip our sensors too terribly, except that the police report is too entertaining to be believed. First, the cute:

According to the arresting affidavit, Norman police officer Steven Boxford and another officer were responding to a loud party complaint at 730 Stinson St. when Boxford spotted Thompson lying on a hill on his right side and snoring.

BAWWWW Y’ALL HE’S JUST NAPPIN’. College kids need naps more than kindergarteners. Intrepid reader @MrButterChicken has some thoughts:

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Pitt dismissed tight end Drew Carswell (6) and defensive back Eric Williams on Tuesday. (Justin K. Aller/Getty Images)

By Zac Ellis

Pitt has dismissed junior tight end Drew Carswell and junior defensive back Eric Williams, the school announced on Tuesday. Carswell and Williams, along with junior defensive tackle Khaynin Mosley-Smith, were indefinitely suspended last week by coach Paul Chryst for their involvement in a drug-related incident.

All three players were detained on April 25 after being found in a house invaded by SWAT personnel. Per a CBS Pittsburgh report, “Detectives say they seized 20 bags of heroin, a marijuana bong and a copper grinder,” at the scene.

Mosley-Smith remains on indefinite suspension.

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LSU running back Jeremy Hill rushed for 755 yards and 12 touchdowns last season. (Chris Graythen/Getty Images)

By Zac Ellis

Some unfortunate news came out of Baton Rouge over the weekend, as LSU running back Jeremy Hill was arrested early Saturday morning after being involved in an altercation outside a bar near the school’s campus.

The school announced on Monday that Hill has been suspended indefinitely.

LSU RB Jeremy Hill has been indefinitely suspended from team for his involvement in off-campus incident over the weekend.—
Michael Bonnette (@LSUBonnette) April 29, 2013

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Eric Williams (49) was among three Pitt players detained by police in a heroin bust. (Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images)

By Holly Anderson

Arrest stories are a commonplace feature of the offseason college football landscape, but CBS Pittsburgh has a report of a sort you don’t see every day. This probably has something to do with it containing the phrase “20 bags of heroin.”

Three Pitt football players — tight end Drew Carswell, defensive lineman Khaynin Mosley-Smith and linebacker Eric Williams — were detained Thursday night after being found in a house invaded by SWAT personnel where, per this report, “Detectives say they seized 20 bags of heroin, a marijuana bong and a copper grinder.”

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One more counterfeiting scheme uncovered and this Nittany Lion will turn this car right around, do you hear it? (Al Messerschmidt/Getty Images)

The Big Ten, we are often told by Big Ten types, just Expects More out of its member schools, as do the schools themselves from their student athletes. So since Penn State is an academically well-regarded member of the Leaders Division, it should come as no surprise that it attracts the kind of prospective student who’s hardwired for overachieving — even when it comes to criminal acts.

Where your average recruit making the police blotter in a conference of lesser renown would turn up there for unpaid parking tickets or underage beer purchases, Nittany Lions prospect Zayd Issah is facing felony forgery and misdemeanor theft charges for “an alleged scheme to pass counterfeit money at a local McDonald’s restaurant,” is what we’re saying. As of this writing, there has been no public comment by Bill O’Brien regarding Issah’s future, if any, with the Nittany Lions.

For those of you scoring at home, this makes the second time this offseason that felonies have been committed by current or future college football players in the name of free snacks.

Washington’s Austin Seferian-Jenkins was reportedly involved in a nasty-sounding car crash over the weekend. (AP)

Over the weekend, Tacoma’s News Tribune reported that Washington’s Austin Seferian-Jenkins had been involved in a car accident. The sophomore tight end holds the school career record for receiving yards and touchdown catches, and he recorded seven scores in 2012.

Washington released a statement from Steve Sarkisian on Sunday afternoon: “We are aware of an incident that occurred Saturday evening involving Austin Seferian-Jenkins. We are taking the matter very seriously. Austin made decisions that fall short of our expectations for student-athletes who represent the University of Washington. He will be disciplined internally in accordance with team and departmental policies. We will continue to support Austin throughout this process, while also holding him accountable and responsible for his actions.”

The school release added that Seferian-Jenkins and the athletic department would not be commenting further on the incident, but Monday afternoon the Seattle Times reported some scary context for the arrest, citing a police report in which an unnamed driver’s car left the road and the driver went headfirst into the car’s windshield.

Markus Pierce-Brewster: Better at quarterback hurrying than he is at alleged electronics theft. (AP)

Now that we’ve gotten that punnery out of our system, the facts: Syracuse defensive end Markus Pierce-Brewster and defensive tackle Davon Walls are among four students facing felony burglary charges. The students are accused — allegedly backed up by surveillance videos — of burglarizing several Syracuse apartments, making off with close to a thousand dollars’ worth of electronic equipment.

Pierce-Brewster played in all 13 games for the Orange last season, recording 13 solo tackles, seven solo tackles for loss and one sack. Walls is perhaps best known for declaring last offseason, “I’m like a steak. People want it medium rare.”

At left, Samson Kafovalu tackles Stanford’s Kevin Hogan as though he were a short brick wall. (AP)

Today in arrests that sound much cooler now than they probably were at the time: Boulder’s Daily Camera reports that Colorado defensive lineman Samson Kafovalu was arrested over the weekend while trying to buffalo-doze his way into a fraternity party. Relevant excerpt, emphasis added: “While his friends were trying to push him back, Kafovalu bumped into a short brick wall and knocked part of it over, causing $300 in damage according to the fraternity, according to police.”

Now. We’re not monsters. Threatening other human beings is not OK. If folks don’t want you in their party that badly, how good a time could you really have in there? And we cannot condone property damage that doesn’t involve garden gnomes. But. Don’t you wanna be the guy who knocked over a brick wall? However short and decrepit? Like an actual buffalo might have done? If Kafovalu can properly channel this Super Mario power of his, what a difference that might make to Colorado’s defense.

Among the charges filed against Kafovalu: “use of fighting words,” which, it turns out, can be a crime!