Continuing our Slow News Wednesday with still more bird-based mascot news:

The Spider Diaries: Day 1. A spider has created residence in the northeast corner of my room. Unsure of his motives.—
The Oregon Duck (@TheOregonDuck) February 19, 2013

The Spider Diaries: Day 1.5. The spider has caught a fly I've been trying to get for days. Not sure what I'm up against.—
The Oregon Duck (@TheOregonDuck) February 19, 2013

The Spider Diaries: Day 1.8. The spider is still. Not sure if he's pondering Newton's law or his attack on me at dawn—
The Oregon Duck (@TheOregonDuck) February 20, 2013

The Spider Diaries: Day 2. I survived the night. The spider has remained in his web. Target might be a friendly.—
The Oregon Duck (@TheOregonDuck) February 20, 2013

Stay tuned?

DeWayne Walker set the coaching carousel spinning once more with his late departure from New Mexico State. (AP)

Tommy Tuberville’s sitting by the phone* and Jimmy Sexton’s got that particular sparkle in his eye. It can mean only one thing: The coach firin’ season is upon us once more. We’ll be tracking the carousel of progress, right here, for as long as it takes to stop spinning. Raise a glass to times past, won’t you? * Well, not anymore, but never tell us we don’t have the gift of very specific prophecy through throwaway jokes.

New Mexico State [updated 02.01.2013]

• Who’s out: DeWayne Walker, who jumps to the NFL with less than two weeks remaining between now and Signing Day. And not even for a coordinating gig: Walker will coach defensive backs for the Jacksonville Jaguars. Walker released the following statement through the athletic department: “I really appreciate the opportunity that Dr. Boston and New Mexico State gave me to be a Division I head football coach. Unfortunately, I did not get the program as far as I would have liked from a wins and losses standpoint. But, we do have a better locker room, better kids and a better foundation for the program moving forward. There are a lot of people that I want to thank for their support and will be reaching out to those individuals in the coming days. They have helped me in moving the program forward. I am excited about starting a new chapter in my coaching career, as is my family. I wish New Mexico State great success in the future and wish everyone the best. Go Aggies!” • Who’s in: Doug Martin — the one who played at Kentucky, not the one who played at Boise State. Although if Martin The Younger is really so opposed to his excellent nickname, we’re gonna refer to Martin The Elder as coach Muscle Hamster instead. It’s been a whirlwind courtship for Martin and the Aggies: He was announced as offensive coordinator on January 17, temporarily promoted to interim head coach on January 24 and will be officially announced as DeWayne Walker’s successor on Monday, February 4. Martin’s previous head coaching experience consists of a seven-year stint at Kent State, from 2004-2010. Read More…

Happy Tailgating Tuesday, which is not so much “a real thing” as an excuse to post a picture of Bully. (AP)

• Early frontrunner for quote of the offseason, right here. “The only money you’re allowed to spend on the recruit cannot be used in the strip club. Diamond or the Twerk Twins might not care what money you contribute to their hairstylist. The NCAA or the state of Florida might.” Thanks, Miami Herald!

• If they just left it as a giant gaping crater, it could represent the SEC East’s recent record against the West, PAAAOWL. Atlanta’s new College Football Hall of Fame is officially under construction, scheduled for completion by fall of 2014.

• Coach-hirin’ season! On the West Coast, Mark Helfrich has imported Matt Lubick from Duke to serve as Oregon’s passing game coordinator. Back east, Virginia loses offensive coordinator Bill Lazor to Chip Kelly’s NFL staff.

Read More…

In the dystopian future of the Big East, BBVA Compass Bowl trophies will be a highly valued currency. (AP)

• “Group of five” still just sounds so ominous. Jeremy Fowler reports on the coalescing system the Big East, Conference USA, MAC, Mountain West and Sun Belt are working on to distribute playoff revenue from the new postseason system:

In this proposed system, more than half the group’s roughly $86-million playoff pot would be distributed among the Big East, Mountain West, Mid-American Conference, Conference USA and Sun Belt as guaranteed base shares, according to a source with direct knowledge of the discussions. The source expects those shares to be evenly split, but added discussions are ongoing. The second tier pays out based on a conference’s body of work — the top conference gets the highest amount, then “X” amount for the next-rated conference, and on down. The third tier pays a kicker to the conference with the highest-ranked team, which is guaranteed an access bowl bid or, if among the top-four teams in the country, a semifinal berth in the playoff.

• Harbros’ early broing days. Check out Dan Wetzel’s tale of relatively wee Harbaughs recruiting youngsters to their dad’s team at Western Kentucky, including an appearance by one Willie Taggart.

• Exactly how you would’ve guessed. Former Miami Hurricanes make up the biggest slice of Super Bowl roster pie charts, but two of the next five teams on that list are … Marshall and Utah? Marshall and Utah! Go ThunderUtes!

• From the no-jokes department. Compelling story via OTL on UCLA researchers and evidence of chronic traumatic encephalopathy in living football players.

Read More…

We have at least three weeks’ worth of Sebastian photos on hand, in case this Miami story keeps dragging on. (AP)

Assorted newsy bits — of varying degrees of importance — you might have missed over the long weekend:

• Didn’t we already do this headline a week ago? ”Imminent” can mean a lot of things! In the cosmic sense, the NCAA’s investigation of Miami has spanned less than a fraction of an eyeblink, but here we are, riding on a human-speed space-time wave, just twiddling our bloggy thumbs until the ‘Canes’ notice of allegations drops. The latest rumblings, per Bruce Feldman, involve a very large book being thrown at ex-Miami and current Louisville assistant Clint Hurtt and other former ‘Canes colleagues. We’ll have more on this when we actually see the notice of allegations, unless we don’t see this notice of allegations, in which case we’ll be right back here next Monday writing a third variation on this same headline.

• And speaking of the NCAA: On the final day of the annual NCAA convention, the latest raft of changes — touted as an effort to streamline NCAA regulations — were unveiled. Your friendly neighborhood Bylaw Blogger takes a look at one proposal, regarding recruiting start dates, that was left out of the bundle.

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“Chip, I’m coming for your Ducklings. They’re so succulent. Do you like Chinese food?” (AP)

We’re still really hoping this Clancy Pendergast thing pans out for USC, because a name like that following “Monte Kiffin” makes writing Trojans football/The Thorn Birds fan fiction that much easier. But until Lane Kiffin actually lands a defensive coordinator for 2013, we’re going to have to work with what we have. And what we have, in this case, is Oregon defensive coordinator Nick Aliotti turning down the gig, per a report in The Oregonian:

The Trojans recently reached out to Aliotti, who just completed his 21st season as an Oregon assistant. He began his career as an Oregon graduate assistant in 1978; he became best known for coordinating the “Gang Green” defense that helped the Ducks reach the Rose Bowl after the 1994 season. Aliotti’s defenses have been overshadowed by Oregon’s “blur” offense in recent years, though Kelly praised Aliotti and the defense virtually every chance he could.

That celebrated unit had its most alarming night of the 2012 season in the Coliseum last November, allowing the Trojans to amass 51 points and 615 net yards, albeit in a losing effort.

Read More…

• You a Terp? Maryland has announced walk-on football tryouts for Wednesday, January 30. You must be a full-time, currently enrolled student to be eligible for consideration.

This is also your reminder that heading into Maryland’s last regular-season football game of 2012, this is what Maryland’s injury report looked like. So if you’re an aspiring quarterback, we’re honestly not sure whether to tell you to show up or stay away.

• Meanwhile, while the internet was caving in on itself …  Lost yesterday in the avalanche of news shocks was the announcement that the Mountain West has retaken San Diego State. (We’re choosing to picture this as a giant Risk board in action. The Big 12 is clearly Australia.) We have an MWC source who’s promised to tell us the second the conference poaches UCLA, and y’all will be the first to know after that.

• Coach-hirin’ follies! Go right on ahead and apply for Chip Kelly’s old job, and be sure and let us know how that works out … here is a magnificent lead followed by Rob Mullens’ insistence that he has no clubhouse leaders in mind for Kelly’s vacant seat … John-El lands at DII Fort Lewis College … Utah passing coordinator Aaron Roderick will take the OC slot at BYU [UPDATE: No he won't!] … Louisiana Tech won’t have to re-glaze any of its “I <3 OFFENSIVE COORDINATOR TONY” mugs … Tim Rosenbach joins the UNLV staff as OC.

Read More…

Have you heard?

Whoa. RT @mortreport Chip Kelly is the new coach of Philadelphia Eagles, according to league sources. No announcement yet

— Bruce Feldman (@BFeldmanCBS) January 16, 2013

Is there another Chip Kelly?

— Chris Burke (@ChrisBurke_SI) January 16, 2013

Welp.

— Bryan Fischer (@BryanDFischer) January 16, 2013

Huh.

— Bill Connelly (@SBN_BillC) January 16, 2013

[spit take]

— Brian Floyd (@BrianMFloyd) January 16, 2013

DUCKCON ONE REPEAT WE ARE AT DUCKCON ONE

— edsbs (@edsbs) January 16, 2013

I guess the only person who didn’t fall for those “Chip Kelly returning to Oregon” reports was Chip Kelly.

— Matt Hinton (@MattRHinton) January 16, 2013

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Florida incoming transfer Darious Cummings is going by “Bear” Cummings. What do you guys want to be called?

— Jason Lieser (@PBPjasonlieser) January 15, 2013

• How would he feel about “Bearious” for more formal occasions? If we’re all supposed to be taking after forest creatures for a fresh new look for spring 2013, we would like to be referred to from here on as “Killer Otter.” Thank you for your attention to this matter.

• And speaking of spring. Army’s spring game, which graced our neck of the woods at Fort Benning last year, continues its freshly-established traveling tradition with a March 8 scrimmage set to take place at Fort Hood, Texas.

• The Coliseum just needs a place to crash for a few days, until it gets things figured out. The Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum Commission is behind in its rent, per the L.A. Times, but once it gets its free-range vegan water bottle business up and running things are really going to turn around. It’s not a pyramid scheme. It’s not!

• That’s a helluva windbreak. Texas Tech approves plans for a “freestanding high-definition video board,” theoretically to be installed and operational in time for the 2013 season.

Read More…

Five-star defensive end recruit Dee Liner has made a beeline away from Auburn. (Icon SMI)

• IMPORTANT DEE LINER, D-LINER NEWS. We did promise you at the end of the season that we wouldn’t get mired too deep in recruiting antics, not being super interested in prospects until they actually take the field in August, but exceptions will always be made for defensive ends named Dee Liner. Liner, a five-star prospect from Muscle Shoals who’s ranked by Rivals as the second-best overall recruit at his position, has decommitted from Auburn, citing the loss of his relationships with Gene Chizik and Trooper Taylor. This has been a public service announcement to remind you all that there is a defensive prospect out there named Dee Liner. Thank you.

• Coach-hirin’ follies! Coordinators snapped up by new schools since we last typed in this here box: Bill Cubit (OC) at Illinois, Josh Conklin (DC) at FIU, David Gibbs (DC) at Houston and — reportedly — Scot Loeffler at Virginia Tech.

• Roster blotter. Roster moves and non-moves since we last typed in this here box: Notre Dame’s Cierre Wood intends to turn pro; Oklahoma’s Aaron Colvin will return; Houston’s Charles Sims is staying a Cougar for one more year; and Nebraska’s Sean Fisher is forgoing a possible sixth season of eligibility in favor of medical school, the little scamp.

Read More…