Commissioner Delany, can we get a little Gator Chomp?

• From the “Things That Will In No Way End In Heartbreak” Department. The Chick-fil-A Bowl has set up a “Rivalizer” web app that allows you to accessorize the photo of your choice with paraphernalia supporting the ACC or SEC team of your choice. We have a modest example on the right here.

• Well, now we KNOW he’s lying. Nick Saban, betraying his true form by acting like he’s some kind of mortal being with a defined lifespan: “I really enjoy what I’m doing here right now. I’m getting old now.” For the record, we hope he stays at Alabama forever, just to see if he ages more slowly than his statue outside Bryant-Denny Stadium.

• Roster blotter. Alabama’s Barrett Jones continues to rest his injured foot … Oregon’s Kyle Long has lost his eligibility appeal … Washington State’s Jeff Tuel will try his luck at the NFL draft … Missouri’s Ka’Ra Stewart has been dismissed from the Tigers following a drug possession arrest.

• Quote of the day. “The [university] presidents and athletic directors need to wake up about these [non-automatic qualifying] conferences and understand that they don’t have the fan appeal.” — Gator Bowl president Rick Catlett. “His SEC/Big Ten game is going for $2.50.” — Stewart Mandel.

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Our continued best wishes to Tulane’s Devon Walker for a complete recovery. (AP Photo/Tulane University)

• Actual good news, actually. Devon Walker is getting out of rehab and will spend the winter holidays continuing his recovery at home with his family. Here’s his statement: ”I am so happy to be going home where I can reunite with my family and friends. My family and I are very grateful for the support we continue to receive. Some days, when I think that I just can’t do this anymore, remembering my many friends and supporters (both old and new) who are praying for me gives me the strength to go on. I know that my fight is just beginning. Please continue to pray for my recovery. Thank you very much.”

• And now, humans in plush cow suits playing drums in the general direction of Dabo Swinney. The Chick-fil-A Bowl is your one-stop destination for events of this kind.

• Coach-firin’ follies. Are increasingly giving way to coach-hirin’ follies: Missouri offensive line coach Josh Henson will replace the departed Dave Yost as the Tigers’ offensive coordinator.

• Roster blotter. Stedman Bailey will pass on his senior season at West Virginia in favor of the NFL draft … also turning pro: Tennessee’s Justin Hunter, per Justin Hunter … Louis Nix will return to Notre Dame, with the intent of taking a little Senior Day stroll with his mom … Cincinnati’s Brendon Kay has been granted a sixth year of eligibility … and stop us if you’ve heard this before, but a Montana player is transferring. No, again. No, again again.

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• Oh, NOW you don’t like the BCS. Not before. Just now. Northern Illinois is bound for the Orange Bowl as the first team from the MAC to earn a BCS bowl bid. We, as you might imagine, are delighted. Others are not. In other words, it’s just like every other BCS selection reaction ever.

Herbstreit calls NIU’s BCS berth “A sad state of college football.”

— Stewart Mandel (@slmandel) December 3, 2012

Herbstreit on #BCS selection show: “To put Northern Illinois in the BCS is a joke.” — Mark Schlabach (@Mark_Schlabach) December 3, 2012

Say what you will about NIU, its bid was automatic, just like Wisconsin’s and Louisville’s. NIU ranks ahead of both in every poll. — Matt Hinton (@MattRHinton) December 3, 2012

“I can’t believe they let NIU into the sacrosanct Orange Bowl.” <—someone who has never watched the Orange Bowl — edsbs (@edsbs) December 2, 2012

Rule that got NIU in was established to help defend BCS from anti-trust lawsuit. ESPN acting like it’s a football decision — Dan Wetzel (@DanWetzel) December 3, 2012

Is there any other sport in America where people DESPISE the underdog? Any sport in the world? — Stewart Mandel (@slmandel) December 3, 2012

Again, according to every current human poll and a consensus of the BCS computers, NIU’s not even the worst BCS bowl team this year. — Matt Hinton (@MattRHinton) December 3, 2012

To steal a @billsimmons metaphor, a lot of the NIU whining seems like people who are also mad the house doesn’t win more in blackjack.

— John Infante (@John_Infante) December 3, 2012

For takes longer than 140 characters, see Samuel Chi’s “Deal with it” and Matt Hinton’s “Blame the Big Ten and Big East.” The final regular-season BCS standings can be found here; the tell-all Coaches’ Poll results are here. For our full bowl schedule, click this way.

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• Everybody got all that? In the past 24 hours of college football realignment news, we have seen East Carolina and Tulane jump from Conference USA to the Big East, the ACC file a lawsuit against Maryland over money owed given the Terps’ move to the Big Ten, Louisville abandon the Big East for the ACC and UConn’s president say “I think we really just have to focus on students and then everything will be OK.” And in the time it took us to painstakingly piece together the elaborate artist’s rendition of the remaining future conference jumps, the Virginian-Pilot is reporting that Conference USA will add Middle Tennessee State. YEEHAW.

• Things that are not realignment news. Our one preseason prediction that held fast all year was that every team would look sort of terrible at least once … Virginia cans its running backs coach … Gene Chizik will be a Mr. December to remember … and here is the only hypothetical realignment move we’d be in favor of at this exasperating point.

Stepfan Taylor (33) and Stanford will look to pull off a repeat performance against UCLA next week. (AP)

Snap Judgments from the Week 13 late slate. For more, check out Friday’s Snaps, Saturday’s early Snaps, Saturday’s midday Snaps, our recaps of Michigan-Ohio State, Florida-Florida State and Notre Dame-USC and our complete Top 25 review.

• No. 11 Stanford 35, No. 15 UCLA 17. With tonight’s victory, the Cardinal secured a share of the Pac-12 North division title and set up a rematch for the conference championship six days from now in Palo Alto. The win was all but assured midway through the second quarter, when Stanford jumped out to a 21-7 lead on a 49-yard Stepfan Taylor touchdown run; UCLA didn’t come within a score of catching up again all night. Stanford’s last conference title came in 1999; the Cardinal will be making their first appearance in the Pac-12 championship game.

Johnathan Franklin, he of the 131-yards-per-game rushing average, was held below 100 yards for just the fourth time this season, recording 65 yards on 21 carries and scoring one of the Bruins’ two touchdowns. Taylor more than doubled up Franklin, gaining 147 yards on 21 carries and scoring twice, all before being rested in the fourth quarter. UCLA quarterback Brett Hundley, meanwhile, threw for 259 yards but was sacked seven times — bad even for an offense that ranked 110th nationally in sacks allowed before this game, and above even Stanford’s lofty four-sack average.

Not to take anything away from Stanford, which has done some very neat work this season in the absence of Andrew Luck, among other key figures, but it’s all right to feel the tiniest bit let down about this. If only for the sake of variety, it would’ve been interesting to see UCLA play Oregon for the first time this season and not the Cardinal for a second in a week. But if we got everything we wanted, there’d be no point in writing fanfic about Ron Prince becoming monarch-commissioner of college football, and where’s the fun in that? The battle for a Rose Bowl bid begins next Friday at 8 p.m. ET. [BOX | RECAP]

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Have a touchdown pass, America. Bryn Renner has so many of them to spare at the moment. (AP)

• North Carolina 37, Virginia 13. That sure got away from us in a hurry, didn’t it? A 36-yard interception return by UNC’s Tre Boston late in the first half broke the game open at 20-10, and apart from a lone third-quarter field goal the Cavaliers would not threaten again. Bryn Renner wrapped up the evening with 29-of-36 pass attempts completed, good for 315 yards and three touchdowns. His favored target, Quinshad Davis, recorded 178 receiving yards on 16 catches, and Gio Bernard added 57 yards rushing and 47 receiving yards with one score. Erik Highsmith caught two of Renner’s three scoring passes. UVA is out of postseason contention but could still prevent Virginia Tech from going to a bowl with a win next Saturday in Blacksburg. [BOX | RECAP]

• This holiday season, give the gift of vintage sanctions. The COI has imposed a few additional penalties on Tennessee for violations dating from the Lane Kiffin era, which we’re only mentioning here because Dave Hart saying ”We will finally close the chapter on the prior actions of members of a previous football coaching staff,” very shortly before he creates a second coaching staff he’ll have to call “previous,” gives us the grim giggles.

• What a nice gesture from a nice person. Per a Kansas sports info release: “In an effort to send his 2012 senior class out with a fitting farewell, Kansas football head coach Charlie Weis is offering to foot the bill for all KU students seeking admittance to Saturday’s ‘Senior Night’ game versus Iowa State.” Kickoff is scheduled for 7 p.m. ET. No word on whether journalism students are included in the invitation.

• Shiny! The 2012 Nagurski Trophy finalists were announced Thursday. Still in the running for college football’s National Defensive Player of the Year: Jadeveon Clowney, Jarvis Jones, Dee Milliner, Manti Te’o and Bjoern Werner. Winner to be announced on December 3.

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Jerome Smith ran for 144 yards, including a 35-yard third-quarter touchdown, in Syracuse’s win over Louisville. (AP)

Snap Judgments from the Week 11 early slate. For more, check out midday Snaps, late Snaps, our recaps of Texas A&M-Alabama, Kansas State-TCU and our complete Top 25 review.

• Syracuse 45, No. 11 Louisville 26. The number of undefeated teams in FBS play dropped from six to five following today’s first flight of games, with the Big East becoming the latest conference to lose its last unbeaten program. The Cardinals fell behind less than three minutes into the game, on a 20-yard ‘Cuse field goal, and would tie the score twice in the first quarter, but they never held a lead over the unranked Orange. Three Syracuse touchdowns in the second quarter gave the underdogs a comfortable cushion that they wouldn’t surrender.

Syracuse’s Ryan Nassib threw for 246 yards and three touchdowns on just 15 completions. He was balanced on the ground by a 144-yard, one-touchdown rushing performance from Jerome Smith and a 99-yard, two-score effort from Prince-Tyson Gulley. Alec Lemon was by far the favored target of the afternoon, as he finished with nine receptions for 176 yards and two touchdowns. For the Cardinals, Teddy Bridgewater accounted for 422 passing yards and 17 rushing yards all by his lonesome. Louisville’s total net offensive output was 472 yards.

Spinning this forward: The Cardinals now trail Rutgers in the Big East title race; the Scarlet Knights are 4-0 in league play with Cincinnati, Pitt and Louisville left on the schedule. Syracuse can clinch bowl eligibility with a win in either of its final two games, at Missouri or at Temple. [BOX | RECAP]

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• So this makes Nick Saban the Mandarin? LSU’s crack video crew has made a trailer for the upcoming Tigers-Tide game in which Les Miles is Tony Stark, or something. From that, we can infer Saban to be the Sir Ben “Thunderbirds” Thunderbirds-Kingsley in this nonexistent movie, for those of you scoring at home.

• Big morning reading material. Major Tuesday morning movement from the NCAA: “The Division I Board of Directors today adopted an overhauled enforcement structure that creates additional levels of infractions, hastens the investigation process and ratchets up penalties for the most egregious violations.” (We know what you’re about to ask, and we believe Mark Richt’s butt-dialing incident would be a Level IV.)

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Tuesday night not all right for the Ragin’ Cajuns. (AP)

• Arkansas State 50, Louisiana 27. Terrance Broadway completed 28-of-39 passes for 374 yards and three touchdowns, but also committed three of the Cajuns’ five turnovers during a highly non-competitive home-field rout. Red Wolves kicker Brian Davis accounted for a full 20 of Arkansas State’s 50 points, kicking five field goals and five extra points. Ryan Aplin had a 21-of-31, 269-yard, one-touchdown outing; Rocky Hayes and David Oku added 86 and 83 rushing yards, respectively. The Red Wolves improved to 3-1 in Sun Belt play.  [BOX]

• Excellent scheduling news. Our absolute favorite kind of scheduling story: Power conference showdown! Oregon and Ohio State have announced a two-year home-and-home series, to be played in 2020 and 2021.

• Roster blotter. Charlie Weis benches Dayne Crist … Clemson defensive back Jerrodd Williams, who’s seen playing time in six games for the Tigers on special teams, is done for the season after breaking his leg in Tuesday’s practice … Southern Miss moves on to its fourth quarterback this season, Arsenio Favor.

• Hey, here’s a neat lead. “The Missouri athletics department is tightening employee use of school-issued credit cards after an audit found a series of improper purchases, including bills for more than $7,600 from a Las Vegas strip club.” Stewart Mandel has already cut directly to the proper joke for this news, saving you all the trouble:

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas … unless you charge it to your Mizzou-issued employee credit card. arkansassports360.com/88085/mizzou-c…

— Stewart Mandel (@slmandel) October 23, 2012

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Jerry Sandusky received an effective life imprisonment sentence Tuesday morning. (AP)

• Jerry Sandusky, going away. We trade in irreverencies here, but this is not a matter for lighthearted anything (except for this guy, maybe?), so we will give you some facts instead: Jerry Sandusky was sentenced this morning to 30-60 years in prison. Sandusky plans to appeal. SI.com’s Michael McCann has provided a full report.

• Groh puns! Get your Groh puns! Puns by the thousands! Through six games, Georgia Tech is giving up an average of 431 yards per contest, and Paul Johnson apparently thinks that’s about enough. Defensive coordinator Al Groh’s firing was announced Monday afternoon. Said Groh: “I feel positive that this is a good time in life to move on to a new situation.” Hard to argue with that.

• It is news that Frank Spaziani is not yet fired. Boston College sources have confirmed that Brad Bates will become the school’s new AD.

• Injury report story hour. Following Oregon State’s official release on the matter of Sean Mannion’s knee, we don’t know a great deal more than we did yesterday. The weeks Mannion will miss are still set at “undetermined.” What we do have now, however, is a statement from coach Mike Riley on Mannion’s backup, junior Cody Vaz, and an attempt to dispel that pesky “No one but Sean Mannion has taken a snap at quarterback in 14 games” fear. “Cody is a good quarterback; he’s been preparing for this for a long time. He’s had a ton of reps; in fact he almost had as many as Sean did during fall camp. Cody knows what we are doing, he gets rid of the ball fast and he’s accurate.” He’ll have to be, at BYU.

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