Halt! Where you going with those folding chairs? (Gary Rothstein/Icon SMI)

We don’t usually address events surrounding college players who are preparing for the pros. That’s traditionally kept for our fine draftniks and NFL-covering brethren. But, you know, it’s just not every day that you hear about three people being stopped by police while leaving Miami’s Pro Day with stolen university-branded folding chairs in the trunk of a car. From a Coral Gables police report:

Mr. John Routh, an employee of the University of Miami, observed the Subjects [...] taking University of Miami property (2 Green padded University of Miami folding football chairs) from the rear of the Hecht Athletic Center, and placing the property in the trunk of a Red/Maroon Nissan Altima. [...] Mr. Routh called the University of Miami Police and I responded, intercepting the vehicle as it left the parking lot with the chairs in the trunk.

The three people in the vehicle went on to tell police that they thought the chairs were there to take away, an account Routh disputed, according to the report. Routh, you might recall, served as Sebastian during one of the costumed mascot’s more adventurous periods. Sebastian turned snitch. Did you ever think you’d live to see the day? Read More…

“I think it’s disappointing for the team, to be honest with you,” Golden said, comparing his players to a garden. “You can’t just weed all the time. If you weed all the time, if you’re just constantly weeding, that’s the problem.” – Al Golden, addressing the spring practice suspensions of three ‘Canes, none of whose infractions were drug-related as far as we have heard, but man, do we love a good #phrasing joke.

Some light reading and our favorite stories of the week to speed you through Friday.

Everything I’ve ever known is a lie. RT @ASUDevilscom: Brock Osweiler measured 6-foot-6 7/8 at NFL Combine without shoes.

— Gina Mizell (@ginamizell) February 24, 2012

• Can’t trust a blessed thing in this world. If we can’t depend on Brock Osweiler being 6-8, what can we depend on? Next thing you’ll tell us Ron Zook is, at best, a mediocre and unenthusiastic jetskiier.

• More like “leaders of the pack beating a fast trail out of Denton,” amirite, Hoosiers? The problem, in the end, with naming conference divisions “Leaders” and “Legends” is that every league, no matter how stacked, is going to have its Indiana. Smart and sassy Michigan internet fixture MGoBlog follows up our shoddy “research” with some “research” of its own — and speaking of shoddy, Brand Explorers still can’t spell “analysis.” Fun extrapolation from the ensuing comment thread: “This, combined with the the poll posted on the board yesterday, suggests that Michigan fans disapprove of the division names more strongly than they approve of Brady Hoke.” Who just won Michigan a Sugar Bowl, you might have heard.

• The state bird of Ohio. Is not football, but don’t mention that to the northern cardinal.

• Ricky Williams, graven idol. We can only hope that future civilizations, surveying the wreckage of post-zombie-apocalyptic America, will find these bronzed tributes to our beautiful game and build a religion around them.

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Isaiah Crowell's 2011 Signing Day announcement has yet to be topped, but should be an inspiration for all future recruits. (AP)

The fact that we’re still discussing Isaiah Crowell’s puppy-bearing 2011 Signing Day announcement a year later proves that, no matter what turns the running back’s career in Athens might take, the moment was a smashing branding success for the University of Georgia. This year’s haul of signing ceremonies has been light on pageantry, although one Mississippi State commit did involve an actual human baby in his announcement. So wags the world away. In a fit of wishful thinking, we got to fantasizing about blue-chip athletes swanning about campus with jars full of stinging insects and elite high school prospects piloting heavy machinery through school property, and before too long we had this list of schools whose commits we would very most like to see follow in Crowell’s footsteps and introduce a wee young mascot at their Signing Day ceremonies. Those  Top 25 teams are as follows:

25. Big Cat Schools. Your Wazzus, your FIUs, your LSUs. Perhaps unfairly dinged because there are just so many Big Cat schools, and if this becomes a trend we’ll soon have a Signing Day entertainment market saturated by baby lions and bobcats. Any LSU prospect bringing along a white tiger with purple eyes to match the Bayou Bengals’ latest Pro Combat unis, however, will receive an instant and much-deserved rankings boost. (This being LSU, we estimate this is at most three years from happening.)

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Alabama lost to LSU, but is back at No. 2 in the BCS standings after a rash of upsets. (US PRESSWIRE)

• SEC, 1-2-3: Your freshly updated BCS standings are led by LSU, Alabama and Arkansas. Count me in the anti-rematch camp, if mildly, but here we are. Unless this is in fact a slippery slope to a best-of-seven series between the Bayou Bengals and Crimson Tide that stretches into spring. With my NFL team in the thick of the race for the No. 1 2012 draft pick, I’d watch that.

The Coaches’ Poll now has actual reason to rank Virginia Tech ahead of Clemson (thanks plenty, NC State!), but in the absence of that hilarious oversight a new grumble has cropped up in the AP poll, which is supposed to know better: Oregon over USC! Too bad these two squads didn’t settle things on the field the day before yesterday, amirite?

Tangentially related, but interesting: If you’re a polling nerd, check out how one beat writer sifted through the one-loss teams on his ballot.

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Brandan Bishop and NC State kept DeAndre Hopkins and Clemson in check offensively all night. (AP)

Snap Judgments from the Week 12 swing shift. For early shift Snaps, click here. For late Snaps, click here. For Stewart Mandel’s take on the BCS chaos, click here. For Andy Staples’ Nebraska-Michigan wrap, click here. To see how Top 25 teams fared, click here. For highlights from SI.com, click here.

• North Carolina State 37, No. 7 Clemson 13: Upon examining this result, there can be no conclusion other than that the Wolfpack and Tigers have conspired to erect some magnificent, nationally televised piece of performance art. What other explanation can there be for NC State losing to a Boston College team with one FBS win in Week 11 and knocking off a top 10 outfit seven days later? The Tigers have scored fewer than 35 points four times this season, and three of those games have been their last three, but a faceplant of this magnitude was … not predicted. The ‘Pack has managed a higher score than this only twice in 2011 (against Liberty and Central Michigan) and came into this game with a measly 23 points in their last three outings. Clemson’s Tajh Boyd hadn’t been held scoreless all year. Events transpired to alter matters considerably.

Major culprit: The Tigers’ four turnovers and six sacks allowed. State’s defense, coming off a promising couple weeks, came up huge tonight. It also didn’t have to contend with freshman phenom Sammy Watkins, who traveled to Raleigh with the team but remained sidelined with a sprained shoulder joint.

Time to speak of the NC State offense. Mike Glennon’s numbers were not garish (19-of-29, 253 yards, three touchdowns to three receivers), but he looked like some sort of minor god. The Pack had four receivers record at least 35 yards’ worth of catches. Trailing Glennon in scoring was kicker Niklas Sade, with 13 points including three field goals.

What makes this performance art: It ultimately means nothing. Clemson will drop out of the top 10, but it has already clinched the Atlantic title, and will meet either Virginia or Virginia Tech in the ACC Championship Game. [RECAP | BOX]

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A loss to TCU plus NCAA penalties equals sad times for Boise State football fans. (Icon SMI)

• And abuse of credulity, and … It turns out Boise State shares our opinion regarding the severity of penalties directed its way for such heinous infractions as, among other tomfoolery, arranging team slumber parties during voluntary summer workouts to house incoming players. Remember this delightful revelation, back in the spring?

In most cases, incoming players slept on a couch or floor. The 40 violations involved $4,934 in impermissible benefits, ranging from $2.34 to $417 for each individual.

Competitive advantage, ahoy! So the school self-imposed sanctions, but the NCAA threw more scholarship reductions and practice time cuts its way, which Boise is understandably resisting, because, again, slumber parties.

• Mm-hmm, mayhem: “The BCS was never intended to be a divisive event,” says Bill Hancock. Paul Myerburg paints a super-fun picture of a world with 10 one-loss teams in December.

• Not better: Jerry Sandusky proclaimed his innocence on national television last night, in a thoroughly creepy interview with Bob Costas. Joe Paterno’s name is off the Big Ten trophy.  Graham Spanier will be replaced as BCS presidential oversight committee chairman. More alleged Sandusky victims have reportedly come forward (although what is the point, exactly, of saying “close to 10″?).

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If you thought the pouring rain would prevent Case Keenum from throwing nine touchdown passes Thursday night against Rice, you were wrong. (US PRESSWIRE)

• No. 18 Houston 73, Rice 34: It’d be nice if more television types knew about the Bayou Bucket trophy awarded annually to the winner of the Cougars-Owls game. With torrential downpours soaking the field at Robertson Stadium Thursday night, bucket bailout jokes were low-hanging fruit, and criminally underused. The rivalry game will move to Reliant Stadium beginning in 2012, where perhaps the participants will enjoy better drainage.

Sopping conditions contributed to a first quarter that looked like it might lead to a ballgame. Before rain even began to fall in earnest, Houston’s Tyron Carrier returned the Owls’ opening kickoff for a touchdown, his seventh such feat, tying a previous record set by C.J. Spiller at Clemson. Rice fired back with a strong running game, returned a soggy Keenum fumble for a touchdown and seemed quite determined to hang with the Cougars until three consecutive touchdown passes from Houston put the game out of reach by halftime, 38-20.

And Keenum, you might have heard, broke Graham Harrell’s career touchdown passes record  with his fifth strike of the night — and just for kicks, fired off four more before relinquishing his helmet in the fourth quarter. Quoth the quarterback, postgame: “That was probably the most fun I’ve ever had playing football.” Yeah, probably. [RECAP | BOX]

• Virginia 28, Miami 21: Available data gave the ‘Canes the edge in a Thursday night Coastal Division home stand. Never tell Mike London the odds. His Cavaliers employed a handful of trick plays and abandoned their previously favored quarterback rotation to ride Michael Rocco, Perry Jones and Kevin Parks to victory. [RECAP | BOX]

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Quarterback Jacory Harris was knocked out of the game with a concussion when Miami faced Virginia last season. (US PRESSWIRE)

• Virginia @ Miami, 8:00 p.m. ET, ESPN: The Cavs and ‘Canes both sit at 4-3 overall, with Miami’s two conference wins to Virginia’s one giving it an edge for third place in the Coastal Division.

The Hurricanes mounted their first win streak of the 2011 season with back-to-back victories in Weeks 7 and 8, including last week’s stunner upset of Georgia Tech. They’re thisclose to being 6-1, having suffered a four-point loss to highly regarded Kansas State and a three-point crusher to Virginia Tech. The Cavaliers were the responsible party for the first half of GT’s two-game skid, besting the Jackets in Week 7. They’ve also been playing fast and dangerous with margins of victory, recording a six-point loss to a very good Southern Miss team but beating Indiana by three, Idaho (Idaho!) by one in overtime and the Jackets by a field goal.

On paper, the ‘Canes have the edge here. Virginia is scoring close to 35 a game, with Miami allowing just more than 21. Miami’s good for an average of 29 points per game, with Virginia allowing around 23. A look at common opponents favors the Hurricanes: Miami beat UNC 30-24; UVA lost 17-28, and the ‘Canes put a bigger hurt on the Jackets in a 24-7 win.

Don’t look for much aerial action from the ‘Canes’ worse-than-middling passing attack versus UVA’s top 15 pass defense. The Cavs are much more lax against the run, and Miami’s backs came on strong last week. Mike James, Lamar Miller and special teams accounted for all scoring in the upset.

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Defensive end Barkevious Mingo and LSU made Clint Moseley’s first start a rough one. (AP)

Snap judgments from the Week 8 swing shift. For early Snaps, click here. For a look at how all Top 25 teams fared this week, click here. For highlights from SI.com, click here.

• No. 1 LSU 45, No. 19 Auburn 10: The Bayou Bengals’ Helm’s Deep is still two weeks away, but in their last tuneup before playing a presumed 1-2 matchup against the Crimson Tide, the LSU Tigers acquitted themselves admirably. It was all right, I guess, if you’re into 400 yards of offense and a score that’s a full touchdown ahead of the season average from a team that’s been carried by its defense all year.

(That’s not to say LSU’s defense failed to show up; it is, after all, LSU’s defense. Defensive end Barkevious Mingo recorded sacks on consecutive possessions, delighting both fans of quarterback hustling and announcers who got to say “Barkevious Mingo.”)

It’s safe to say LSU’s operation has reached elevated plug-and-play levels: Down two crucial starters and a frequent contributor, these Tigers managed to virtually skip to victory twining daisy garlands about their helmets. But stay grateful, Baton Rouge, that you get those three back in time to face a healthy offense, stout lines and a defense that isn’t coached by Ted Roof. Gaudy stat of the night: Rueben Randle’s five catches for 106 yards and two scores. [RECAP | BOX]

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