Danny O'Brien is trading in his Maryland flag-themed apparel for Wisconsin's ever-so-slightly more traditional look. (US PRESSWIRE)

We’re hitting the road for our first swing through spring camps, so you’re getting your roundup reading today. Normal posting will resume Monday. 

• Wisconsin wins Whimsy Wednesday! Wowsers! Bret Bielema (the alliteration hits just keep on coming) has landed high-profile transfer fish and Maryland refugee Danny O’Brien, and will attempt to stage an encore presentation of 2011′s smash hit, “Anything Your ACC Quarterback Can Do, He Can Do Better Here,” starring Russell Wilson. (It’s a working title.) Our sincere best wishes to O’Brien, whom we hope informed Randy Edsall of his decision by leaving a terse answering machine message explaining that Wisconsin is his “dream school.”

• This blurb also not sponsored by Allstate. No Allstate Police Blotter Item of the Week this week thanks to a strange lull in college football-adjacent crime, but we can’t let the week pass without recognizing the efforts of Boston College defensive lineman Jaryd Rudolph, who got himself busted making a sex tape of a teammate and a female BC student. It was an audio-only sex tape, making it the “losing to one-win Maryland” of erotica. (Sorry, Terps. Not your day. Here, have a metaphor.)

• Hail to the Sun Belt, sure is a fun belt, Ra! Ra! Ra! Georgia State to the Sun Belt one scant season after joining the CAA? Sure, why not? This is the age of San Diego State to the Big East, and nothing is sacred or sensical.

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Why, yes, this will be our go-to Randy Edsall photo until the Earth stops spinning on its axis. Be his backup quarterback Valentine. Or else. –>

The Maryland press release announcing the cessation of transfer hostilities between Randy Edsall and the latest Terps pining to play elsewhere landed in our inbox, and all we could think was, ”This would look fantastic above a gallery of 20 or so laughing animals.” Can everybody see the camel in the second row here? Read on, and see if you don’t make that exact face.

“While at first I thought it was important to limit the institutions to which they could transfer, I have since reconsidered my decision” Edsall said. “At the end of the day, I want what’s best for these guys and I wish them well in their futures.”

When the history of Edsall is written, this gem will be enshrined in his gilded irony pantheon, alongside this passage uttered upon his departure from UConn:

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Isaiah Crowell's 2011 Signing Day announcement has yet to be topped, but should be an inspiration for all future recruits. (AP)

The fact that we’re still discussing Isaiah Crowell’s puppy-bearing 2011 Signing Day announcement a year later proves that, no matter what turns the running back’s career in Athens might take, the moment was a smashing branding success for the University of Georgia. This year’s haul of signing ceremonies has been light on pageantry, although one Mississippi State commit did involve an actual human baby in his announcement. So wags the world away. In a fit of wishful thinking, we got to fantasizing about blue-chip athletes swanning about campus with jars full of stinging insects and elite high school prospects piloting heavy machinery through school property, and before too long we had this list of schools whose commits we would very most like to see follow in Crowell’s footsteps and introduce a wee young mascot at their Signing Day ceremonies. Those  Top 25 teams are as follows:

25. Big Cat Schools. Your Wazzus, your FIUs, your LSUs. Perhaps unfairly dinged because there are just so many Big Cat schools, and if this becomes a trend we’ll soon have a Signing Day entertainment market saturated by baby lions and bobcats. Any LSU prospect bringing along a white tiger with purple eyes to match the Bayou Bengals’ latest Pro Combat unis, however, will receive an instant and much-deserved rankings boost. (This being LSU, we estimate this is at most three years from happening.)

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Louisiana-Lafayette fans (and mascot Cayenne) celebrated the Ragin' Cajuns New Orleans Bowl win over San Diego State in style. (Icon SMI)

• Bowltyme! Important takeaways from the first three contests of the college football bowl season: Wyoming fans are people you want to party with. Louisiana fans, even more so. Maybe give Louisiana’s S&C coach a wide berth. Illegal stemming: It’s a thing! Penn Wagers: doin’ Penn Wagers things. A Cowboys extra point attempt very nearly triggered our long-standing “hit both uprights and the crossbar and you win the game” rule. It was the play of the day, until the last play of the night. And I know you’ve found yourselves wondering: Just how are these three contests like artisanal pork products? [Recaps: Temple 37-Wyoming 15; Ohio 24-Utah State 23; Louisiana 32-San Diego State 30]

• A souvenir football on every mantel: In non-FBS goings-on: Mars Hill’s Jonas Randolph is having a pretty good week. Pittsburgh State wins its second DII title in program history. Wisconsin-Whitewater captures a third consecutive Division III national championship. And the States of Sam Houston and North Dakota will vie for the FCS title in January.

• Fresh coaches, bought and sold! Amid speculation he might leave for the Pitt job, Paul Rhoads has re-upped with Iowa State. Reportedly out of the Akron and Southern Miss coaching searches, respectively: Pat Narduzzi and Kirby Smart. And take a minute today to read about the effect outgoing Iowa defensive coordinator Norm Parker had on one former player. And Gary Crowton will do … something … at Maryland.

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Charlie Weis' five-year Kansas contract guarantees $2.5 million annually. (ZUMAPRESS.com)

• Fresh coaches, bought and sold! As expected, Tim DeRuyter was introduced as Fresno State’s new head coach Wednesday afternoon, replacing the entrenched and magnificently mustachioed Pat Hill. DeRuyter will have a hectic few weeks, hopping back to College Station to guide the Aggies through their Car Care Bowl appearance on New Year’s Day and cultivating facial hair to match that of his predecessor.

Elsewhere on the carousel: Turner Gill has popped up on the opposite coast, as the newest head coach at Liberty, where somebody in the marketing department really loves that Photoshop “Outer Glow” layer style filter. Mike Locksley may return to Maryland. Gus Malzahn details his whirlwind courtship with Arkansas State. Charlie Weis’ buyout is more jaw-dropping than his hire.

• Todd Graham: Introduced at Arizona State. On second thought, no other coaching personnel decisions really seem that ludicrous anymore, right? More on Graham in a little while, because hoowee, there’s a lot to unpack there.

• Math is not for everyone: South Carolina will self-impose a six-scholarship cut, a fine and probation in advance of a February NCAA hearing (remember the players caught receiving discounted hotel room rates? Doesn’t that seem forever ago?). Bryan Fischer does some quick calculations: “Sleeping on floors = 9 scholarships/three yrs. $47k discounts on hotel rooms = 6/three yrs. Ineligible players playing for a year = 5/three.”

• Outstretched hands will have to catch footballs and not monies!  The NCAA’s new stipend legislation is facing an override threat from protesting schools.

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Larry Fedora -- nearly unrecognizable without a visor and sunglasses -- will reportedly take over at North Carolina. (US PRESSWIRE)

• Fedora the Explorer alights in Chapel Hill:  Golden Eagles skipper Larry Fedora, one of this postseason’s hottest coaching commodities, has reportedly agreed to succeed Butch Davis and interim coach Everett Withers at UNC, according to the Winston-Salem Journal. (I almost didn’t recognize him in that shot without the visor and sunglasses.) Fedora, of course, is fresh off a Conference USA title win gained against the previously undefeated Houston Cougars. Southern Miss was his first head coaching gig at the college level; he previously served as OC at Oklahoma State, Florida and Middle Tennessee State.

• Realignment tidbits, grudgingly dispensed: You know, I got some truly nasty emails when I suggested (in a post with a headline cribbed straight from Jonathan Swift, no less) that the SEC start poaching teams from the southeastern corners of their respective states. Well, the Big East has gone and done me one better, stomping a stiletto heel on the instep of geography with the reported additions of Boise State, San Diego State, Houston, Central Florida and SMU. All of which are quite easterly, from the conference honchos’ presumed floating island fortress in the Pacific. Ready for jokes? Ready for jokes!

“By joining the Big East conference, do these teams automatically qualify for East Coast Bias?” — David Foster

“Maybe the Big East just knows something about plate tectonics and continental drift that the rest of us don’t.” — @celebrityhottub

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Get ready to see plenty of this look from Houston's Kevin Sumlin, assembled Conference USA media. (Cal Sport Media)

• Fresh coaches, bought and sold: Newsy bits involving the staffing and de-staffing and re-staffing of various programs:

- Kevin Sumlin is this season’s hot hiring flavor, and having been in a room with him once before when he was asked a question he didn’t care for, I cannot wait for some reporter at the C-USA title game to attempt to discuss which visor Sumlin will don next year instead of breaking down the Cougars’ matchup with Southern Miss. Guy gets a flat, shark-eyed stare going that’s practically Sabanian in its chilling effect.

- Not a lot of “football minds” on Penn State’s search committee to replace Joe Paterno, which has a couple ex-Nittany Lions worried. I thought the same thing looking at PSU’s offensive statistics all year, guys.

- ”The great thing about WSU and being a Coug is that we don’t do it like everybody else. We stick together and we don’t eat our own. I believe the innocence of Wazzu has been lost today.” – Paul Wulff, who held a press conference of his own yesterday after the one announcing the onset of the hunt for his successor.

- “The only job that I am worried about, and the job that I have got all my heart and soul and attention on, is Maryland.” — Randy Edsall, whose heart and soul could really use some help putting together a coherent defense. Which organ is responsible for that? Pancreas? [Via the Post.]

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Denard Robinson rushed for two touchdowns and passed for three more in a win over Ohio State. (US PRESSWIRE)

Snap Judgments from the Week 13 early shift. For swing shift Snaps, click here. For late Snaps, click here. For Andy Staples’ recap of LSU’s win over Arkansas, click here. For Staples’ take on Alabama’s rout of Auburn, click here. For a recap of all the Top 25 action, click here. For highlights from SI.com, click here. 

• No. 17 Michigan 40, Ohio State 34: I swear, looking at Michigan box scores week after week, you’d think nobody knows that Denard Robinson is a player who ought to be defended on the football field. This week’s reasons to put a body on Denard: 14 pass completions for 167 yards and three touchdowns and 26 rushes for 170 yards and two additional scores. This week’s reason a team might put bodies on Denard and still lose: The Michigan quarterback’s ability to place the football in the hands of running back Fitzgerald Toussaint, who will then do things like run for 120 yards.

Michigan’s defense, the year’s most reluctant talking point, must not be overlooked here. Ohio State’s Boom Herron was contained to 37 yards on 15 carries, his third consecutive sub-century game after running wild against Illinois, Wisconsin and Indiana following his return from suspension. More problematic for the maize and blue was Braxton Miller, who cracked 100 yards rushing for just the third time this season (accomplished previously against Indiana and Penn State) while shattering his former personal best outing as a passer with 235 aerial yards and two touchdown passes. The Buckeyes hung with it early and late, turning a 16-7 first-quarter deficit into a 24-23 halftime lead and adding 10 more points in the fourth to make the margin of loss more than respectable.

Still, the streak ends here. The Wolverines, you’ll recall, hadn’t beaten the Buckeyes since November 2003. They can now start their own cheeky counter: “It has been two hours since Michigan beat Ohio State in football.” We’re also almost surely witnessing the end of the tenure of Luke Fickell, a Buckeyes lifer thrust into a near-impossible situation in the wake of NCAA scandal and Jim Tressel’s resignation.

Time now to look to the future: Miller appears to be a young quarterback with many fine double-threat attributes. Wonder where the Buckeyes will find a head man with experience coaching up such athletes? Anybody hear anything? [RECAP | BOX]

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Danny O'Brien and Maryland are on big-time upset alert a week after nearly beating West Virginia. (AP)

A 10-point viewing guide to college football’s fourth Saturday of 2011:

• You’ve got something they want; don’t trip: Mismatches abound on this last weekend before most teams dive into the thick of conference play. At a quick glance, there are at least 20 games on tap for Week 4 that feature either a Big Six program against a non-AQ team or an FBS-FCS matchup. That means this slate is ripe and ready for our second-favorite phenomenon (behind the fat guy touchdown): The highly publicized upset of a high-profile team by a squad that has been payed six or seven figures to show up and get steamrollered.

Among the mismatches with the outcome least in doubt and with a high probability of being called in the third quarter on account of sadness are Iowa-Louisiana Monroe, TCU-Portland State, Air Force-Tennessee State, Virginia Tech-Marshall, Wisconsin-South Dakota, Northern Illinois-Cal Poly, Illinois-Western Michigan, Minnesota-North Dakota State, Nebraska-Wyoming and Houston-Georgia State. But keep half an eye on UMass-Boston College, Tulane-Duke, Kent State-South Alabama, New Mexico-Sam Houston State, UNLV-Southern Utah and Hawaii-UC Davis.

As for a bold prediction? This is going to upset (HA! GET IT?) my lovely Maryland-bred, Syracuse-educated producer, but take your pick: Either Temple is going to knock off the Terps or Toledo is going to knock off the Orange.

• Spoiling for a fight in Week 4:
- San Diego State, taking an undefeated and Rocky Long-led squad to meet Brady Hoke’s new family that he totally loves more.
- Oklahoma, boasting an even stronger team than last year’s and raring to face the Mizzou team that issued the first loss to the Sooners’ ultimately doomed 2010 national title campaign.
- Cal, out to avenge last year’s loss to Washington, which kept it from postseason contention.
- And West Virginia, which is undefeated but tagged as an underdog at home to an LSU team that’s surprising a lot of onlookers with its offensive potency absent its starting quarterback.

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Maryland's state flag-inspired uniforms caused a storm on Twitter and in the blogosphere. (US PRESSWIRE)

On a sartorial safari jaunt through the wilds of I-A. Oregon does not appear in this space. I’m as surprised as you are. 

• First stop: Maryland! You can’t say we weren’t warned about how Maryland’s new uniforms would look, but the reaction was something else. The turtle-shell helmets, as promised, looked like plasticine batik in warmups … and then the game unis went on. We noticed the shoes and the inexplicable sleeves, and realizing this wasn’t some terible mistake, America vomited as one. The fate of a nation was bemoaned. Was Maryland the target of some covert institutional sabotage? Was the team mocking the dangers of turning left too fast? Would no one think of the children?

There was a lull in the spite, somewhere. Some sought frantically for upside. Some reasoned it could be worse, barely. Some found comfort in nostalgia. And that’s about when Andy Staples received the official uniforms fact sheet (fact sheet!), and back down the rabbit hole we sailed. (BONUS TRIVIA: Those things on the football players’ legs were called “Pride Pants”! Sing the praises of Pride Pants!)

Did the Terps steal the design wholesale from Jacory Harris’ head, crib from Joel Schumacher, or cut corners by buying in bulk from arts-and-crafters? Either way, big PR ups to Maryland, which will surely be raking in the blue-chips, and to Under Armour, which got the attention it clearly craved, one way or another, and which wants you to know this isn’t a uniform. I could not agree more.

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