The Switzies are named for former Oklahoma coach Barry Switzer, patron saint of football frolicking. Ten imaginary trophies — and the coveted Grape Job! plaque — honor our on- and off-field favorites at the close of the season.

• Special Achievement in Spectacle by a Heisman Winner. Johnny Manziel made more spectacular plays this season, in front of bigger crowds than the one that showed up in Shreveport when the Aggies faced Louisiana Tech in mid-October. But we got to see this one with our own eyes, giving it a special place in the shining black pits where our hearts should be. 

Just a madcap sequence of events on a night that saw more than its share of them.

• GameDay Moment of the Year. Someday eons into the future, when as-yet unimagined civilizations discover Earth and piece together the history of college football, it is our fervent and enduring hope that a being fancying itself a prophet uncovers this photo of South Carolina’s live mascot being fed Steve Spurrier-branded wine, and builds a religion around it.

Did Sir Big Spur sample the Steve Spurrier wine? twitter.com/gogamecocks/st…

— GoGamecocks.com (@gogamecocks) October 6, 2012

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Our 10 imaginary trophies celebrating on- and off-field favorites at the season’s midpoint. The Switzies are named for former Oklahoma coach Barry Switzer, patron saint of college football frolicking. For more midseason content, check out our Crystal Ball staff predictions, midseason All-America Team, podcast roundtable and Halfway Heisman.

• Best new toy. Johnny Manziel, QB, Texas A&M. He arrived on the national scene in a shirtless mugshot in the 2012 preseason, won the starting job for the Aggies as a redshirt freshman and then, wonder of wonders, turned out to be really good at football things. He stars in our Midseason Play of the Year, Defense (And Offense) (At The Same Damn Time), along with Christine Michael and Louisiana Tech’s Chip Hester and Mike Schrang:

• Midseason Play of the Year, Just Offense. This Bryan Bennett and Colt Lyerla touchdown raised a crucial question: Can scoring stats be split like sacks?

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Two more hours of ESPN college football programming means two more hours of possible Lee Corso sightings.

Did the Huntsville Times just portend the next great leap forward in reality television programming?

HUNTSVILLE, Alabama –Nick Saban figures there’s one certainty about the new college football playoff scenario. There will be “a two-hour ESPN show on who got left out,” he said.

Far be it for us to fail to heed the auguries of Saban (or to dare to meet his gaze directly): A sister program to our summer hit, the Selection Committee Selection Show, is clearly called for. Run it in that dead stretch of actionless time in the days between the Army-Navy Game and the New Mexico Bowl.

First Segment: Man vs. Self

We open on a tight shot of Tom Rinaldi, clad in an exquisite white tuxedo and oversized silver platform sneakers, seated at a grand piano on a turntable that rotates at a sedate speed. Casually, with effortless grace, he ripples through a sonata of unknown origin. The camera pulls back to reveal Dabo Swinney, unproud head coach of a 12-1 Clemson squad. He stands on a scale model indoor football field. Around his neck is a veterinary Elizabethan collar. “Explain what you saw that the committee didn’t in the ACC Championship Game,” Rinaldi probes. Mechanized animatronic football players rise out of the turf, but Swinney, hampered by the collar, cannot place his whistle in his mouth to activate the simulation. His screaming will haunt you for all your nights to come.

Second Segment: Man vs. Nature

In a soundproof booth, on hidden camera, Gary Pinkel is informed he can bump Mizzou’s strength of schedule up one slot in next year’s rankings for every exotic poisonous insect he selects and eats. He gobbles the entire tray without question. Doesn’t even take a sip of water.

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