Kirk Ferentz gets the catlab treatment in a refreshing change of pace from our typical Swimsuit offerings. NSFW if your supervisor might be offended at the sight of the Iowa skipper’s face grafted onto a shirtless body in a bubble bath.
We have at least three weeks’ worth of Sebastian photos on hand, in case this Miami story keeps dragging on. (AP)
Assorted newsy bits — of varying degrees of importance — you might have missed over the long weekend:
• Didn’t we already do this headline a week ago? ”Imminent” can mean a lot of things! In the cosmic sense, the NCAA’s investigation of Miami has spanned less than a fraction of an eyeblink, but here we are, riding on a human-speed space-time wave, just twiddling our bloggy thumbs until the ‘Canes’ notice of allegations drops. The latest rumblings, per Bruce Feldman, involve a very large book being thrown at ex-Miami and current Louisville assistant Clint Hurtt and other former ‘Canes colleagues. We’ll have more on this when we actually see the notice of allegations, unless we don’t see this notice of allegations, in which case we’ll be right back here next Monday writing a third variation on this same headline.
• And speaking of the NCAA: On the final day of the annual NCAA convention, the latest raft of changes — touted as an effort to streamline NCAA regulations — were unveiled. Your friendly neighborhood Bylaw Blogger takes a look at one proposal, regarding recruiting start dates, that was left out of the bundle.
Mandatory afternoon reading from Patrick Stevens, who’s undertaken a mathematical examination of coaching tenures in major college football in this age of quick-trigger personnel decisions and unearthed some chilling tidbits. Kentucky’s skipper, a first-time head coach, is now a relative old-timer? Believe it:
* Kentucky’s Mark Stoops, the first hire of the post-2012 season wave, has been on the job longer than 22.8 percent of his fellow FBS coaches. He was hired Nov. 27.
* West Virginia’s Dana Holgorsen, promoted in the summer of 2011, has been on the job in Morgantown longer than 54 other head coaches.
Please remove all children, pregnant women, nursing mothers and heart patients from the vicinity before reminding yourself just how long Kirk Ferentz has clung to the head job at Iowa. And before you ask, because you will: We did check, and as of press time, still no quantifiable metrics exist to demonstrate how dumb FIU was to fire Mario Cristobal.
Tracking the zeitgeist of college football’s second weekend through social media:
MAMA! COME ON INSIDE! ONE OF THESE UTAH TEAMS BOUT TO PUNT! CAN’T MISS THAT!
— Jason Kirk (@JasonKirkSBN) September 8, 2012
ACC MISSED THE BOAT ON UTAH.
— THE KEY PLAY (@thekeyplay) September 8, 2012
Special Teams Coach Beehive was a sentimental hire from the start for Utah. Won’t save his job after this game. (Plus: is beehive.)
— edsbs (@edsbs) September 8, 2012
@andy_staples @ben_jones88 We’re still getting our shirts and ties pressed at 9 am.We’re not Juggalos.
— Bobby Big Wheel (@BobbyBigWheel) September 8, 2012
Legendary coach Barry Switzer is the patron saint of Campus Union’s college football awards; Dana Holgorsen is one of our distinguished spring 2012 imaginary award recipients. (US PRESSWIRE)
[Previously: 2011 midseason Switzies | 2011 year-end Switzies]
Preseason football is meaningless football, but that won’t stop us from handing out imaginary trophies to the luminaries of spring. Be sure to also check out Andy Staples’ post-spring Top 25 and Stewart Mandel’s 10 spring lessons.
• The Paul Erdős Plaque for Most Relentlessly Complex Spring Game Scoring System: Auburn, which awarded players extra points for “explosive plays” and consecutive first downs, confounding all onlookers.
• The Mark Mangino Medal of Mean Expectation Lowering: Quoth Dana Holgorsen, tempering fan panic as he tinkers with his offense: ”The guys in there? If we’re playing with them in the fall, we’re not going to win.”
• Most Likely To Announce His Own Retirement At Halftime Of The First Game Due To Incurable Sadness: We had Frank Spaziani slotted in here until about three minutes before hitting the “publish” button, when we realized we’re not sure if he’s capable of processing human sadness. Would Kirk Ferentz make an able runner-up candidate? He keeps right on losing running backs, had to replace two coordinators and has a Week 1 date with Northern Illinois. The Huskies are themselves replacing Chandler Harnish, but if Jordan Lynch can even prove a halfway passable facsimile … oh, man.
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