Dri Archer: Golden Flash or Golden Snitch? (AP)

Our pals at Land Grant Holy Land undertook the noble offseason task this week of determining which Ohio State athletes would best serve on a (sadly theoretical) Quidditch team. It is safe to assume that you will not hear any other media outlet call DeShaun Thomas “the second coming of Alicia Spinnet” for the rest of your natural lives. Being Harry Potter crossover completists, we are piling on by helpfully determining which college football players would make the best Quidditch balls. We have linked out to helpful explanations of each ball from the Harry Potter Lexicon.

• Quaffle: Stedman Bailey. Because if there’s scoring to be done, he’s probably involved.

• Bludger: Jadeveon Clowney. Bludgers are balls of iron that hit people.

• Bludger: Jarvis Jones. See above.

• Golden Snitch: Dri Archer. A Snitch frequently evades capture and is worth 150 points. Sounds about right.

Wingardium Mariota!

DeWayne Walker set the coaching carousel spinning once more with his late departure from New Mexico State. (AP)

Tommy Tuberville’s sitting by the phone* and Jimmy Sexton’s got that particular sparkle in his eye. It can mean only one thing: The coach firin’ season is upon us once more. We’ll be tracking the carousel of progress, right here, for as long as it takes to stop spinning. Raise a glass to times past, won’t you? * Well, not anymore, but never tell us we don’t have the gift of very specific prophecy through throwaway jokes.

New Mexico State [updated 02.01.2013]

• Who’s out: DeWayne Walker, who jumps to the NFL with less than two weeks remaining between now and Signing Day. And not even for a coordinating gig: Walker will coach defensive backs for the Jacksonville Jaguars. Walker released the following statement through the athletic department: “I really appreciate the opportunity that Dr. Boston and New Mexico State gave me to be a Division I head football coach. Unfortunately, I did not get the program as far as I would have liked from a wins and losses standpoint. But, we do have a better locker room, better kids and a better foundation for the program moving forward. There are a lot of people that I want to thank for their support and will be reaching out to those individuals in the coming days. They have helped me in moving the program forward. I am excited about starting a new chapter in my coaching career, as is my family. I wish New Mexico State great success in the future and wish everyone the best. Go Aggies!” • Who’s in: Doug Martin — the one who played at Kentucky, not the one who played at Boise State. Although if Martin The Younger is really so opposed to his excellent nickname, we’re gonna refer to Martin The Elder as coach Muscle Hamster instead. It’s been a whirlwind courtship for Martin and the Aggies: He was announced as offensive coordinator on January 17, temporarily promoted to interim head coach on January 24 and will be officially announced as DeWayne Walker’s successor on Monday, February 4. Martin’s previous head coaching experience consists of a seven-year stint at Kent State, from 2004-2010. Read More…

There is no such thing as a compelling photo of NCAA COI deliberations, so here is Sebastian in a vaguely menacing posture. (AP)

Assorted items of varying degrees of interest which you may have missed while grudgingly watching playoff football and sending surly tweets to the Golden Globes:

• The NCAA is Lucy, and Miami football is the football, and we are Charlie Brown running toward it, or something? This metaphor holds up only to demonstrate how very much we wish for this all to be over, but here we go: The Miami Herald is calling the release of NCAA allegations against the Hurricanes football program “imminent,” just short of the investigation’s two-year anniversary. Bylaw Blogger John Infante lays out all the ways this process could still be stalled, and how the Miami case might affect Oregon’s.

• Mike Stoops also a fan of Hi Haters Friday! Friday night, 6:06 p.m., Tulsa World‘s John E. Hoover posts a transcript excerpt of a Mike Stoops radio interview, specifically a question regarding Johnny Football: “They’re gonna be tough to deal with. If they can keep him out of jail or keep him eligible, he’s gonna be pretty good.” Friday night, 10:37 p.m., Tulsa World post headline: “Mike Stoops regrets controversial comments on Manziel.” Had Stoops’ defense possessed that kind of on-the-fly adaptability in the Cotton Bowl, perhaps Manziel would not have scored four touchdowns against it, PAAAOWL.

• Roster blotter. In better news for Miami: Seantrel Henderson, Brandon Linder and Curtis Porter announced Monday morning they all intend to return to the ‘Canes in 2013 … in even better news for Profiteroles fans, Dri Archer will stay on for his senior season at Kent State … Iowa State quarterback Jared “That Kid Who Beat Oklahoma State” Barnett and linebacker C.J. Morgan intend to transfer … Texas defensive tackle Brandon Moore will enter the draft … also declaring is USC corner Nickell Robey, whom we will dearly miss watching because of his too-perfect defensive name … Oregon linebacker Anthony Wallace will transfer … Case McCoy and Jordan Hicks have been reinstated at Texas … and Casey Pachall returns to the Horned Frogs.

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The story of one wee bowl game, as told through social media:

@siholly getting ready to watch the Go-Daddy of them all!

— Alain Cloutier (@acloutier27) January 7, 2013

The Kent State “Stan Sitwell Dress Eyebrows” helmets are pretty sweet.

— RaginCajunRebel (@RaginCajunRebel) January 7, 2013

Picture of said helmet, if you are away from a TV. (Via USA Today Sports Images)twitpic.com/bt4u38

— Eye on College FBall (@EyeOnCFB) January 7, 2013

Kent State is playing in its first bowl game since the 1972 Tangerine Bowl (lost to Tampa) #KSUvsARKST on @espn

— ESPN Stats & Info (@ESPNStatsInfo) January 7, 2013

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Dri Archer could be off to the pros soon. Take this time to appreciate him, America. (AP)

The 2013 GoDaddy.com Bowl is just hours away. We’re sure you have so many questions. We’re here to help. (For an X’s and O’s breakdown, click through to R.J. Rico’s game preview.)

• What’s all this, then? The very last bowl game that’s not The Big’n. The MACtion before the SECtion. The amuse-bouche to the swingin’ meatball subs of Monday night. We’re not great at metaphors. This is the GoDaddy.com Bowl, one of just two remaining college football postseason games named after a d0t-com, and a frankly unworthy linguistic successor to the nicely-cadenced GMAC Bowl that preceded it. But say this for the GDDC: It’s unwieldy to pronounce, but has delivered unto us an extremely compelling matchup of non-AQ luminaries. Don’t hate.

• Where will this game be played? Ladd Peebles Stadium in Mobile, where the South Alabama Jaguars play their home games. This stadium also hosts the Senior Bowl.

• When is it on television? Nightcap game! Coverage begins at 9 p.m. ET on ESPN, featuring Mark Jones, Brock Huard and Jessica Mendoza. The game will also be streamed on WatchESPN.

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Wisconsin’s Barry Alvarez hasn’t coached a game since 2006 Capital One Bowl. (Doug Benc/Getty Images)

• The spins of the silly season. Barry Alvarez will indeed be making a return to the sidelines of Pasadena, for one very special performance: The former Badgers coach and current AD announced on Thursday morning that he intends to coach Wisconsin in the Rose Bowl … Darrell Hazell will remain with Kent State through the GoDaddy.com Bowl … in that same game, defensive coordinator John Thompson will serve as interim head coach for Arkansas State … Ellis Johnson is back in the FBS already, signing on with Gus Malzahn at Auburn … what did become of that one FIU recruit? … and Tennessee’s players have some thoughts on who their next head coach should be.

• Still sillier seasons to come.  Press release from Illinois: “As part of the new Illini marketing campaign, the University of Illinois has begun placing University of Illinois billboards in popular areas around the state. The goal is to further the new branding initiative, with the slogan “ILLINOIS. OUR STATE. OUR TEAM.” in order to foster a sense of state pride among Illinois students, fans and alumni.” Illinois finished the 2012 season 2-10; Northwestern went 9-3; Northern Illinois is 12-1 and bound for the Orange Bowl. We are pretty excited to see these billboards.

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It’s unlikely that Jordan Lynch and NIU can slide into a BCS bowl, but when have we ever liked sure things? (AP)

Quick hits from Friday night’s college football conference championship games. For more on Week 14, check out our Championship Saturday Snaps, coverage of Louisville-Rutgers, Oklahoma-TCU and the epic clash between Alabama and Georgia, plus our complete Top 25 review.

• No. 19 Northern Illinois 44, No. 18 Kent State 37 (2OT). Jordan Lynch put on a show in Detroit, and NIU’s defense played the part of showstoppers in the 2012 MAC championship game. The Huskies won their second consecutive conference title, in their third consecutive conference title game appearance, but this is MACtion, dahling. And MACtion would never, ever wind up without a flourish.

Down 10-0 late in the first quarter and looking slightly discombobulated, the Huskies executed a bit of gridiron theater we might have expected out of the early-season Golden Flashes, back when they were returning fumbled punts the wrong way down the field and tackling their own teammates for safeties: They attempted a fake field goal attempt that was interrupted by their own timeout call, effectively icing their own kicker, who wasn’t even planning to kick. Problem? Not for a team with Lynch, who returned to the field after the break, converted fourth-and-three on his own two feet, then continued running for 14 additional yards. Viva MACtion!

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Dri Archer and Kent State could be playing for a possible BCS berth. (Diamond Images/Getty Images)

Sports fans, you have two conference championship games to savor on the eve of the last college football-filled Saturday of the regular season. We’re sure you have so many questions. 

No. 18 Kent State vs. No. 19 Northern Illinois

Shouldn't the MAC Championship be played on Tuesday or Wednesday? Wouldn't that be keeping it real?

—
Tom Fornelli (@TomFornelli) November 26, 2012

• What information do I, the discerning sports fan, require in order to consume this game? The Huskies and Golden Flashes are scheduled to kick off at 7 p.m. ET at Ford Field in Detroit. The game will be televised on ESPN2 and streamed on WatchESPN.

• What’s at stake here? A possible BCS bowl trip, though as ever with teams from non-AQ leagues, the shot is an outside one. Stewart Mandel has the Golden Flashes in the GoDaddy.com Bowl in his latest projections (oh, the ad campaign they’ll make for that one) and the Huskies returning to Detroit for the Little Caesars Bowl.

But there’s victory in this already, for one side: Wherever Kent State goes, it’ll be the program’s first bowl game in 40 years.

• For whom are we to be watching? The Golden Flashes have a nasty running threat, particularly in the return game, in Dri Archer and another back, Trayion Durham, who cannot be left unattended. Archer is the nation’s top kick return threat, averaging more than 38 yards an attempt. He also leads the MAC in scoring and is the FBS’ fifth-ranked all-purpose runner heading into Week 14.

The Huskies have Jordan Lynch, and a bunch of other guys, and not to diminish their efforts at blocking for him or catching his passes, but Jordan Lynch is sort of overshadowing everything else at the moment. Right now, NIU’s quarterback is averaging more than 134 rushing yards per game, and he needs to gain just 92 tonight to set a new NCAA record for most rushing yards by a quarterback. Racking up 250 passing yards at Ford Field would also make him the first 3,000-1,500 player in FBS history. Friday MACtion, don’t let us down.

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Will Kent State’s Dri Archer earn a return to his home state of Florida this postseason? (AP)

• Peasants at the gates! Utah State and San Jose State make their first appearances in the BCS rankings, while Northern Illinois enters the BCS Top 25 for the first time in 2012. Are we in for some surprise gate-crashers in the big-money bowls after all? Maybe. Allow SMQ to explain it all for you: “So even for the winner, the potential stakes in the MAC title game range from the Orange Bowl to the GoDaddy.com Bowl, with nothing in between.” And remember not to overlook this Friday’s NIU-Kent State showdown while penciling the Golden Flashes in for a trip to Florida.

• Cajuns to New Orleans to repeat legendary tailgating feats. Bowl invitations issued over the weekend: Utah State to a second consecutive Famous Idaho Potato Bowl, Nevada to the New Mexico Bowl and the Ragin’ Cajuns to their second New Orleans Bowl. Now, we didn’t see the Cajuns in their postseason appearance in person last year, but we have been to New Orleans for college football games, and been to tailgates in Lafayette, and this game just became our first mandatory trip of the postseason. Stewart Mandel’s latest bowl projections can be found here, freshly updated with all invited teams.

• Coach firin’ season, continued. Jon Embree tells the Denver Post he’d been told just last week that his job was safe … one Post columnist calls Embree’s ouster shameful and unjust … Marshall’s defensive coordinator has resigned … and Ellis Johnson’s press conference has been canceled, with a team meeting scheduled for 4:00. Nothing to see here!

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Rex Burkhead goes out with a bang. (AP)

Snap Judgments from Friday afternoon’s action. For more, check out Saturday’s early Snaps and our complete Top 25 review.

• No. 17 Nebraska 13, Iowa 7. Bo Pelini was asked in his postgame on-field interview whose decision it was to insert the oft-injured Rex Burkhead into the Huskers’ final regular-season game. He laughed. “His!” The senior standout, absent for much of this season while nursing a knee injury, made the most of his time on the turf, leading Nebraska’s ground attack (69 yards on 16 carries) and scoring the Huskers’ only touchdown of the contest on a three-yard run in the third quarter.

Those of you who find our occasional gleeful odes to MACtion tacky are in for a real treat with today’s box score, where you will find just one player with an individual stat line totaling more than 100 yards. (The lucky lad: Taylor Martinez, who completed 9 of 14 passes for 63 yards and rushed for an additional 41.) Burkhead was trailed  by Ameer Abdullah (50 rushing yards on 14 carries) and Braylon Heard (46 yards on four carries). For the Hawkeyes, James Vandenberg completed 11 of 24 pass attempts for 92 yards and threw two interceptions. Mark Weisman led Iowa in rushing with 91 yards on 29 attempts.

Vandenberg also gave the Hawkeyes their only lead of the game, with a one-yard rushing touchdown late in the first quarter, a lead Iowa hung onto until Burkhead’s run. And for a moment there, late in the fourth quarter, it looked as though we might have a ballgame on our hands again. Given the ball on a Nebraska punt at their own 27 with about three and a half minutes to play, the Hawkeyes executed two consecutive six-yard plays before Vandenberg threw his second interception with just 2:11 remaining on the clock. And practically before time had expired in the stadium, we had that all-important BIG TEN CHAMPIONSHIP GAME TICKETS: ON SALE NOW email land in our inbox. The Huskers have earned at least a share of the division title and will play Wisconsin in Indianapolis on Saturday, December 1. Nebraska won their first meeting in September, 30-27. [BOX | RECAP]

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