Assorted bests and worsts from college football’s weekend that was:
• Most traumatizing treasured memory to be passed down to future generations:
Talk about a memorable tailgate, I just attended a wedding in the parking lot of FedEx Field. Hokies instagr.am/p/QKwOFNqIUU/
— Homer McFanboy (@HomerMcFanboy) September 29, 2012
“Grandmama, what was your wedding day like?” “Well, Kayleee, Bud Foster’s defense allowed 495 yards to Cincinnati, including a 39-yard touchdown pass with less than 30 seconds to play, which is how we got the idea to name your uncle Munchie, in the hopes that he’d grow up to achieve greatness.”
• The We Are Giving Nick Florence A Medal, Consarnit Medal of Gallantry in the Face of Complete Defensive Lunacy: Florence, y’all. See, 581 yards and five touchdowns shouldn’t rightly send anybody home with a loss. Baylor converted 11-of-16 third-down tries Saturday; just one more successful attempt and, again, we’re maybe writing a different story today.
• Loudest scream into the abyss: We are automatically behind any quarterback who shows up in a shirtless mugshot setting before even earning the starting job, so Johnny Manziel turning out to be really good at football is just icing at this point. But what icing: While we were watching Baylor and West Virginia blow holes in one another Saturday, Johnny Football (CAN YOU BE ANY MORE AMERICAN? WE THINK NOT!) was throwing for 453 yards, rushing for 104 more and accounting for four scores against Arkansas. Speaking of which: