• SHE’S BACK. AIN’T NO STOPPING US NOW. Oh, Switzie Award winner LizHoney2U, we have missed you terribly.

Our own reaction to the hiring of Bret Bielema at Arkansas can best be summed up by this animated image.

• And while we’re on Wisconsin. Could Barry Alvarez return to the sidelines for the Badgers’ bowl game?

• Coach-firin’ season! Lane Kiffin would like it if his new defensive coordinator could succeed against Pac-12 offenses … we think it’s actually spelled “l8ly,” but that doesn’t mean former Appalachian State coach Jerry Moore didn’t get screwed … he’s not a coach, but do make time for this colorful account of the end of Ross Parmley’s reign as Tulsa AD … and he’s not fired, but Charlie Weis made a whopping $2.5 million per win in 2012. Math is fun!

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• Good morning to America’s Heartland, with love from catlab. Team catlab, your one-stop destination for all catlab needs and services.

• I got those suspended-while-my-team-plays-Boise-State blues. Dave Christensen just sings it out, man.

• Soren Sorensen’s persistent use of Comic Sans continues to be excused, as He Ain’t From Around Here. The New York Times runs down college football statheads.

• On the Mike Leach Twitter thing. Brian Floyd traces the feelingsball origins of folks getting het up over Wazzu players being banned from Twitter, and Tom Fornelli dispenses sense:

If you don’t trust your players on Twitter then you probably have a pretty good understanding of the decisions college kids make.

— Tom Fornelli (@TomFornelli) October 24, 2012

• And the seventh seal was opened, and it said “but but cash money.” The seventh access bowl may not happen, for basically the same reasons the have-not teams it would have welcomed into the postseason are have-not teams in the first place.

• Big East football: Pay attention. No, really. Stop making that face!

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Unfamiliar with Wake Forest’s Michael Campanaro, currently a national top-15 receiver in yardage who is averaging more than 125 all-purpose yards per game? This video should fix that, indelibly. [Via @DHPIV.]

• Be warned, these people do make soup from frogs. TCU announced Tuesday that the Horned Frogs will play LSU in the 2013 season-opening Cowboys Classic. They’ll presumably face off in prime time, against Alabama and Virginia Tech in the Chick-fil-A Kickoff.

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Perhaps voters merely admired Bret Bielema’s timely icing of Utah State’s kicker to seal a win over the WAC. Yes. They must have. (AP)

• Down in a poll. Feelin’ so small. Alabama and LSU perch atop the AP Poll. This, for the moment, does not worry us. They will play each other and this will sort itself out for real this time and we continue to believe we will not be subjected to a re-rematch. We must believe. Of greater concern for us, as usual, is what is going on in the bottoms of this exercise in folly we, as a society, continue to refer to as the “Coaches’ Poll.” Wisconsin is ranked. This is problematic and dumb. There are a dozen other stupidities lurking behind this link; can you spot them all?

• Get those Lorax costumes pressed. We’re just a couple short weeks away from the restart of the Harvey Updyke trial, and while from an entertainment standpoint we truly resent this being staged during football season, it’s probably best to get it over with while the whole state’s distracted with football good and football bad.

• Mark Richt, refined meanie. Folks ask us sometimes if we miss cussing a blue streak on the job. We do not, because there are ways to make one’s point without uttering so much as a “consarnit” if you really work at it. It’s like writing poetry with a very strict verse structure. Consider this, from Mark Richt on Sunday, on the subject of Week 4 UGA opponent Vanderbilt: “They have a lot of belief, and they’re playing to win it. They’re doing a good job of it.” The Commodores (1-2) recorded their first win of the season Saturday against Presbyterian, after losing in consecutive weeks to South Carolina and Northwestern.

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Assorted bests and worsts from college football’s weekend that was:

Houston quarterback David Piland, seen in this 2010 photo motivating Southern Miss’ Octavius Thomas to grow Golden Eagle wings, is an operational death star. (AP)

• Pointiest pointsplosion. Louisiana Tech beat Houston 56-49 on Saturday and set a handful of NCAA offensive records in the process. We mentioned Saturday the game’s 1,293 combined yards of offense; here’s more of what putting teams like Houston and LaTech in the same place will do: Records snapped included most combined plays in a regulation game (209), most combined first downs (78), combined completed passes (87) and combined passes without an interception (129). Teamwork!

• Best innovation in tailgating technology. This R2-D2 keg hails from LSU, but you might have guessed that even if there were no caption and the photo were black and white:

@billisking r2d2 LSU keg twitter.com/whiskeydranks/…

— Zack(@whiskeydranks) September 8, 2012

• Best touchdown celebration. Chuckie Keeton, QB, Utah State. The kid who Almost Beat Auburn is now the guy who Really Did Beat Utah.

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Since the early months of this blog’s inception, we have been dedicated to the art of enshrining the best, worst and still-worse-than-that of amateur college football music videos. Two offerings grace our small stage this week. First up, from the topically named FSU partisan Bane:

Favorite lyric: “Now they’re calling me the Florida State Rapper./Yeah, that’s accurate.”

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Just before midnight Monday, we were informed of the existence of what we now only need call The Texas A&M Video by @cuppycup, one of the program’s own proponents. Evidence of its existence was quickly scrubbed, but not before a copy was procured.

And you know what? We’re not even going to make fun. These young people are not enthusiastic demonstrators of the cheers of their new conference-mates, and why should they be? This is the cinematic equivalent of forced pregame handshakes, and good on them for screaming with their eyes how much they really would rather be earning independent study credit hours in some other fashion, any other fashion. The blooper reel at the end serves to further humanize the actors, and ratchets up our sympathy levels. We are forever grateful that YouTube barely existed when we were in college.

Assorted light reading from the week that was to speed you through your Friday:

We’re back in our homeplace for the weekend to take in Tennessee’s spring game, which means we have a perfect excuse to trot out this gem again. It is supposed to rain, so drag along your inflatable Davy Crocketts, y’all.

Elsewhere in today being a really, really memorable day for college-themed music happenings: A decades-old NC State video that defies all description and a Texas A&M rap video. Going by the title, it seems very important that you know this is the OFFICIAL music video, as opposed to all those bootleg amateur college team-themed tributes floating around the youtubes.

Big E, boomin’ atcha. Eric LeGrand, on his way to walking and to putting his broadcasting studies to good use.

Like the first robin of spring. Pre-Snap Read’s essential annual preseason countdown begins with New Mexico. Click through to see a pair of disembodied hands dressing Bob Davie!

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This is not our usual music video detour into the seamy world of amateur college football-themed rap. No. This is so, so much more. Stick it out through 2:39, if you can, when the dancing begins in earnest. And just keep hitting replay until UCLA counters with “Be Our Guest,” starring Dan Guerrero as the matronly teapot. “Put our defense to the test!”

[Via EDSBS reader Tom, if you need somebody to blame.]

The venerable catlab, mysterious maker of terrifying psychedelic college football videos, returns with a Nebraska-themed offering that we watched yesterday morning shortly before undergoing dental surgery. You will see why this was a bad move on our part once you play the video. (Just never live to be 30, gentle readers. You break a tooth eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and it’s aalllll downhill from there, we hear. The dental assistant tending us yesterday is two years older, and told us she once broke one of her molars on a seedless grape. All of a sudden Logan’s Run doesn’t look quite so dystopian.)