By Holly Anderson

If you’re anything like us, gentle readers, you’re no stranger to seeing your prom plans in ashes after a heartless school board vetoes your suggestions of a Pink & Green Pirate Promenade, Jurassic Prom or Prom.com.* We’re here to help, with 10 free formal templates for use in a variety of states. Who’s going to say no to Kliffykins? Nobody with a human heart and a pulse.

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Columnists had a field day debating the class merits of Dave Christensen’s “flyboy” speech. (AP)

College football’s offseason encompasses late winter and early spring, a fine time in the turning of the seasons and on the calendar to focus on self-reflection and improvement. For today’s meditation, kindly internalize Bryan Curtis’ sportswriting-themed tribute to Ambrose Bierce:

class (n.) — one of the sportswriterly virtues. A “classy” athlete is a deferential one, both to us and to his opponents. A “classless” coach is one who skips the postgame handshake.

columnist (n.) — a writer who produces less copy than a blogger.

commit (n.) — short for “commitment.” On college sports recruiting sites, it means a high school player who has pledged to play for a particular school. A commit who’s wavering about his decision is said to be “soft.”

• Good morning to America’s Heartland, with love from catlab. Team catlab, your one-stop destination for all catlab needs and services.

• I got those suspended-while-my-team-plays-Boise-State blues. Dave Christensen just sings it out, man.

• Soren Sorensen’s persistent use of Comic Sans continues to be excused, as He Ain’t From Around Here. The New York Times runs down college football statheads.

• On the Mike Leach Twitter thing. Brian Floyd traces the feelingsball origins of folks getting het up over Wazzu players being banned from Twitter, and Tom Fornelli dispenses sense:

If you don’t trust your players on Twitter then you probably have a pretty good understanding of the decisions college kids make.

— Tom Fornelli (@TomFornelli) October 24, 2012

• And the seventh seal was opened, and it said “but but cash money.” The seventh access bowl may not happen, for basically the same reasons the have-not teams it would have welcomed into the postseason are have-not teams in the first place.

• Big East football: Pay attention. No, really. Stop making that face!

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Just because Troy Calhoun communicates in a series of airplane noises doesn’t mean you get to call him “Flyboy,” Dave Christensen. (AP)

• So some Mountain West officials walk into an internet café … Dave Christensen getting away with a reprimand for what he said to Troy Calhoun made a lot more sense last week before YouTube video of what Dave Christensen actually said (warning: explicit language) got around. Now that it’s a thing, Christensen will serve a one-week suspension and pay a $50,000 fine. The game he’ll miss will feature his 1-6 Cowboys hosting the 6-1 Boise State Broncos.

• Also double-secret probated. The ACC issued a blanket release covering the various disciplinary actions to be leveled against North Carolina freshman linebacker Shakeel Rashad, two officials from the UNC-Duke game and the entire crew from the FSU-Miami matchup.

• Mark Richt has lost control of … hey, WAIT A MINUTE. Sorry, we just never get to use that joke in real life, and then when we do it feels really weird.

• Bowl projections include forecasts of unceasing sadness. There’s not much we like better than a set of imaginary bowl matchups that includes the phrase “NO ELIGIBLE TEAMS.”

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