Jordan Webb, seen here being arrested in motion by a CSU defender, was for-real arrested this weekend. (AP)

By Holly Anderson

We’ve got an update on Jordan Webb’s and Alex Lewis’ assault charges, and, for the second time this offseason, a brick wall appears in a Colorado football-related police report. Why do we notice these things? From the Daily Camera:

According to the report, Bussey and Lewis bumped into each other, which led to a verbal argument and a shoving match. The friend then told police Lewis repeatedly shoved Bussey into a brick wall, causing his head to hit the wall several times. The friend told police Webb then came over and the two men shoved Bussey to the ground and began punching him.

Click through for more details, including Lewis’ self-reported ability to drink like an actual buffalo: “Lewis said he’d had six glasses of wine, 10 beers and six shots of various other alcohol that night. He did not know how much Webb had to drink.”

Jordan Webb, seen here being arrested in motion by a Colo. State defender, was for-real arrested this weekend. (AP)

By Holly Anderson

We just want to state for the record, right at the outset, that writing about Colorado football twice in the span of one week is not some sort of elaborate prank.

You probably thought, upon seeing the headline “Colorado QB arrested for assault,” that given Nick Hirschman’s departure to Akron and Jordan Webb’s ACL injury, that Connor Wood had got himself into trouble of some kind. But no: In the Buffs upset of the week, it’s Webb facing felony charges, along with just-released offensive lineman Alex Lewis.

Please continue to hold this play up as the perfect visual metaphor for the state of Colorado football.

You must be this tall to join Terry Bowden’s island of misfit transfers. (Scott W. Grau/Icon SMI)

By Holly Anderson

The vaunted Boulder-Akron talent pipeline is alive and well with the transfer of former Colorado quarterback Nick Hirschman into Terry Bowden’s savvy-shopping embrace. The Buffs have approximately negative-four viable quarterbacks on the roster at this point, but Mike MacIntyre won football games at San Jose State, so.

Colorado quarterback Jordan Webb will miss the 2013 season after tearing his ACL. (Stephen Dunn/Getty Images)

By Zac Ellis

As if Colorado didn’t face an uphill battle entering 2013 already, the Buffs will now be without their starting quarterback from last year after Jordan Webb tore his ACL in Tuesday’s spring practice. Webb is slated to miss the entire season, the school announced Wednesday, after collapsing while trying to make a cut during non-contact drills.

The fifth-year senior transferred from Kansas at the beginning of last season and went on to throw for 1,434 yards, eight touchdowns and eight interceptions in 2012. Webb had been returning from a broken thumb suffered last season and had already underwent two hand surgeries in the offseason.

The 2013 campaign was set to be Webb’s final year of college football, but Colorado is reportedly checking with its compliance office to determine if a sixth year of eligibility is a viable option. Webb also redshirted at Kansas in 2009.

For the Buffs, the loss of Webb likely sparks a three-way competition between juniors Nick Hirschman and Connor Webb and redshirt freshman Shane Dillon to become the team’s new starting quarterback.

Our new schutt vengeance helmet! http://t.co/xJaUIji8dB—
Colorado Equipment (@CUEquipment) March 12, 2013

This will catch plenty of turf the next time every Colorado player slams to the ground in an unnecessary quarterback sneak.

At left, Samson Kafovalu tackles Stanford’s Kevin Hogan as though he were a short brick wall. (AP)

Today in arrests that sound much cooler now than they probably were at the time: Boulder’s Daily Camera reports that Colorado defensive lineman Samson Kafovalu was arrested over the weekend while trying to buffalo-doze his way into a fraternity party. Relevant excerpt, emphasis added: “While his friends were trying to push him back, Kafovalu bumped into a short brick wall and knocked part of it over, causing $300 in damage according to the fraternity, according to police.”

Now. We’re not monsters. Threatening other human beings is not OK. If folks don’t want you in their party that badly, how good a time could you really have in there? And we cannot condone property damage that doesn’t involve garden gnomes. But. Don’t you wanna be the guy who knocked over a brick wall? However short and decrepit? Like an actual buffalo might have done? If Kafovalu can properly channel this Super Mario power of his, what a difference that might make to Colorado’s defense.

Among the charges filed against Kafovalu: “use of fighting words,” which, it turns out, can be a crime!

Anything that makes a more pleasing environment for Ralphie is OK by us. (AP)

For our third stadium-related post of the day (February, y’all), take a look at the $170 million plan Colorado is proposing for various athletic facilities upgrades, including several football-related moves. The projects include a new academic center located in the stadium (“away from the distractions of the Dal Ward Athletic Center,” which, OK), an expansion to the Athletic Center itself, an indoor practice facility adjoining existing outdoor practice fields and in-stadium improvements. Proposed funding sources for the undertaking are also multifaceted:

CU is challenging donors to raise $50 million toward the project and will begin construction when that figure is met by donations. No tuition, student fees or state funding would be used to fund the project. It will be paid for entirely through private fundraising and money the athletic department earns through television contracts and future revenue from the Pac-12 Network.

Finally, our favorite improvement task: “Folsom Field’s east stands will be supported against the shifting ground beneath it,” which sounds like a good idea.

DeWayne Walker set the coaching carousel spinning once more with his late departure from New Mexico State. (AP)

Tommy Tuberville’s sitting by the phone* and Jimmy Sexton’s got that particular sparkle in his eye. It can mean only one thing: The coach firin’ season is upon us once more. We’ll be tracking the carousel of progress, right here, for as long as it takes to stop spinning. Raise a glass to times past, won’t you? * Well, not anymore, but never tell us we don’t have the gift of very specific prophecy through throwaway jokes.

New Mexico State [updated 02.01.2013]

• Who’s out: DeWayne Walker, who jumps to the NFL with less than two weeks remaining between now and Signing Day. And not even for a coordinating gig: Walker will coach defensive backs for the Jacksonville Jaguars. Walker released the following statement through the athletic department: “I really appreciate the opportunity that Dr. Boston and New Mexico State gave me to be a Division I head football coach. Unfortunately, I did not get the program as far as I would have liked from a wins and losses standpoint. But, we do have a better locker room, better kids and a better foundation for the program moving forward. There are a lot of people that I want to thank for their support and will be reaching out to those individuals in the coming days. They have helped me in moving the program forward. I am excited about starting a new chapter in my coaching career, as is my family. I wish New Mexico State great success in the future and wish everyone the best. Go Aggies!” • Who’s in: Doug Martin — the one who played at Kentucky, not the one who played at Boise State. Although if Martin The Younger is really so opposed to his excellent nickname, we’re gonna refer to Martin The Elder as coach Muscle Hamster instead. It’s been a whirlwind courtship for Martin and the Aggies: He was announced as offensive coordinator on January 17, temporarily promoted to interim head coach on January 24 and will be officially announced as DeWayne Walker’s successor on Monday, February 4. Martin’s previous head coaching experience consists of a seven-year stint at Kent State, from 2004-2010. Read More…

• Les Miles has some thoughts about what constitutes a nice holiday weekend.

“I can tell you that if I was looking for a New Year’s Eve event, and I was really trying to impress the Mrs., I think maybe taking her to Atlanta, getting a game in with my favorite team and finding a way to celebrate New Year’s — let’s say the game is over by about 10:30 p.m., freshen up a little bit, and go find a place I can twirl my sweetheart. … At midnight, I might get a kiss.” Who are we to argue with The Hat?

• Worth it for the graphic alone. And also the words. Patrick Hruby on sports welfare: “They’re the team owners sitting in luxury boxes built with taxpayer dollars, charging PSL fees for seats constructed with the same. They’re the athletes writing off fines for bad behavior. They’re the multimillion-dollar professional leagues, Ozymandias-shaming college athletic departments and — ahem — charitable bowl games all enjoying lucrative and dubious non-profit status.”

• No Cougars were harmed in the making of this team. Washington State wraps up its internal investigation of the football program, and CougCenter breaks down the findings.

• Tommy Tuberville is not that mean. According to Tommy Tuberville.

Read More…

The Switzies are named for former Oklahoma coach Barry Switzer, patron saint of football frolicking. Ten imaginary trophies — and the coveted Grape Job! plaque — honor our on- and off-field favorites at the close of the season.

• Special Achievement in Spectacle by a Heisman Winner. Johnny Manziel made more spectacular plays this season, in front of bigger crowds than the one that showed up in Shreveport when the Aggies faced Louisiana Tech in mid-October. But we got to see this one with our own eyes, giving it a special place in the shining black pits where our hearts should be. 

Just a madcap sequence of events on a night that saw more than its share of them.

• GameDay Moment of the Year. Someday eons into the future, when as-yet unimagined civilizations discover Earth and piece together the history of college football, it is our fervent and enduring hope that a being fancying itself a prophet uncovers this photo of South Carolina’s live mascot being fed Steve Spurrier-branded wine, and builds a religion around it.

Did Sir Big Spur sample the Steve Spurrier wine? twitter.com/gogamecocks/st…

— GoGamecocks.com (@gogamecocks) October 6, 2012

Read More…