• Well played, Hairy Dawg. Well played. Are we tiring of this meme in record time? Yes. Did Georgia’s football team have a lot of ground to make up to even come close to the greatness of UGA’s swim team video? Absolutely.

Did the Dawgs earn a place in the pantheon for including a scooter in their video? You bet your sweet underbelly lying on a bag of ice in August they did. (We assume overenthusiastic Athens cops swarmed the mascot just after the camera cut off.)

• TRIAL OF THE MILLENIUM, INCOMING. Harvey Updyke’s bond has been revoked; an April trial date has been set, and wherever it ends up taking place, we promise you now that we will be there covering the thing like a plucky character in a Harper Lee novel.

• Hey, neato, more subjectivity on refs’ shoulders! No way this ends poorly, right?

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DeWayne Walker set the coaching carousel spinning once more with his late departure from New Mexico State. (AP)

Tommy Tuberville’s sitting by the phone* and Jimmy Sexton’s got that particular sparkle in his eye. It can mean only one thing: The coach firin’ season is upon us once more. We’ll be tracking the carousel of progress, right here, for as long as it takes to stop spinning. Raise a glass to times past, won’t you? * Well, not anymore, but never tell us we don’t have the gift of very specific prophecy through throwaway jokes.

New Mexico State [updated 02.01.2013]

• Who’s out: DeWayne Walker, who jumps to the NFL with less than two weeks remaining between now and Signing Day. And not even for a coordinating gig: Walker will coach defensive backs for the Jacksonville Jaguars. Walker released the following statement through the athletic department: “I really appreciate the opportunity that Dr. Boston and New Mexico State gave me to be a Division I head football coach. Unfortunately, I did not get the program as far as I would have liked from a wins and losses standpoint. But, we do have a better locker room, better kids and a better foundation for the program moving forward. There are a lot of people that I want to thank for their support and will be reaching out to those individuals in the coming days. They have helped me in moving the program forward. I am excited about starting a new chapter in my coaching career, as is my family. I wish New Mexico State great success in the future and wish everyone the best. Go Aggies!” • Who’s in: Doug Martin — the one who played at Kentucky, not the one who played at Boise State. Although if Martin The Younger is really so opposed to his excellent nickname, we’re gonna refer to Martin The Elder as coach Muscle Hamster instead. It’s been a whirlwind courtship for Martin and the Aggies: He was announced as offensive coordinator on January 17, temporarily promoted to interim head coach on January 24 and will be officially announced as DeWayne Walker’s successor on Monday, February 4. Martin’s previous head coaching experience consists of a seven-year stint at Kent State, from 2004-2010. Read More…

If Brian Kelly takes the Eagles job, maybe there will be an NFL team that Alabama could beat

— Brandon (@TeamSpeedKills) January 10, 2013

• Eagles to turn next to R. Kelly. There are folks getting awfully het up at Brian Kelly (subscription required) for his dalliances with the Philadelphia Eagles, who are just trying to live frugally after printing up all those WE <3 COACH KELLY cocktail napkins for Chip.

Elsewhere in coach-hirin’ follies: Obvious international superspy Bob Toledo will rejoin Rocky Long as offensive coordinator at San Diego State … Chuck Bresnahan will coordinate Willie Taggart’s defense at South Florida … Bill Young is out and Glenn Spencer is in as Oklahoma State’s defensive coordinator … Texas A&M swipes West Virginia’s quarterbacks coach to serve as co-offensive coordinator in College Station … and from Regular Virginia, Kevin Sumlin snags an assistant who’d been with the Cavaliers for just over a week.

• Roster blotter. Eddie Lacy, Dee Milliner and D.J. Fluker will all leave Alabama early to enter the NFL draft … Clint Moseley has left Auburn football, though not Auburn … also draft-bound, Clemson’s Nuke Hopkins, Washington State’s Marquess Wilson and Georgia’s Kwame Geathers … Joseph Randle to turn pro, per Joseph Randle … LSU has, at last count, 11 early departures … notable non-departures include Texas A&M’s Jake Matthews and Texas’ Mike Davis … and spare some healing vibes for Notre Dame’s Kapron Lewis-Moore, whose BCS title game injury has been confirmed as an ACL tear.

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Mandatory afternoon reading from Patrick Stevens, who’s undertaken a mathematical examination of coaching tenures in major college football in this age of quick-trigger personnel decisions and unearthed some chilling tidbits. Kentucky’s skipper, a first-time head coach, is now a relative old-timer? Believe it:

* Kentucky’s Mark Stoops, the first hire of the post-2012 season wave, has been on the job longer than 22.8 percent of his fellow FBS coaches. He was hired Nov. 27.

* West Virginia’s Dana Holgorsen, promoted in the summer of 2011, has been on the job in Morgantown longer than 54 other head coaches.

Please remove all children, pregnant women, nursing mothers and heart patients from the vicinity before reminding yourself just how long Kirk Ferentz has clung to the head job at Iowa. And before you ask, because you will: We did check, and as of press time, still no quantifiable metrics exist to demonstrate how dumb FIU was to fire Mario Cristobal.

Johnny Football, tiptoeing to greatness with a thunder. (AP)

• Mack Brown offered the Manning Award as a safety. College football’s first freshman Heisman Trophy winner can add another accolade to his surely sagging trophy shelf: Johnny Manziel has won the Manning Award. Manziel entered the national lexicon with last year’s shirtless mugshot follies, won the starting job at Texas A&M as an underclassman, took home the Heisman, obliterated a former conference rival in the Cotton Bowl and will — football gods willing — continue to stay on his “hi, haters” message train throughout the forthcoming offseason. It is getting perilously close to impossible to hate Johnny Football, particularly if you don’t have a rooting interest in a defense that had to play him this year. Congrats, kiddo.

• Coach-firin’ follies. The silly season rolls on in the assistants derby: OUT goes Louisiana defensive coordinator Greg Stewart … IN comes Mario Cristobal at Miami in a most excellent personnel coup for the ‘Canes … and IN comes Ted Roof, back at Georgia Tech? (Related reading: “Has the internet desensitized us to the extraordinary?”)

• Gettin’ drafty. GONE: Tennessee’s three brightest offensive stars. BACK: Tajh Boyd, whose future presence, along with Aaron Murray’s, makes Clemson’s Week 1 date with Georgia an absolute must-watch game. GONE, TEARILY: Outland Trophy winner Luke Joeckel, whose letter to the faithful of Texas A&M you simply must read.

• Roster blotter. Burnt Orange Nation has the latest on the allegations against Case McCoy and Jordan Hicks … charges are expected against Arizona’s Ka’Deem Carey.

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Our continued best wishes to Tulane’s Devon Walker for a complete recovery. (AP Photo/Tulane University)

• Actual good news, actually. Devon Walker is getting out of rehab and will spend the winter holidays continuing his recovery at home with his family. Here’s his statement: ”I am so happy to be going home where I can reunite with my family and friends. My family and I are very grateful for the support we continue to receive. Some days, when I think that I just can’t do this anymore, remembering my many friends and supporters (both old and new) who are praying for me gives me the strength to go on. I know that my fight is just beginning. Please continue to pray for my recovery. Thank you very much.”

• And now, humans in plush cow suits playing drums in the general direction of Dabo Swinney. The Chick-fil-A Bowl is your one-stop destination for events of this kind.

• Coach-firin’ follies. Are increasingly giving way to coach-hirin’ follies: Missouri offensive line coach Josh Henson will replace the departed Dave Yost as the Tigers’ offensive coordinator.

• Roster blotter. Stedman Bailey will pass on his senior season at West Virginia in favor of the NFL draft … also turning pro: Tennessee’s Justin Hunter, per Justin Hunter … Louis Nix will return to Notre Dame, with the intent of taking a little Senior Day stroll with his mom … Cincinnati’s Brendon Kay has been granted a sixth year of eligibility … and stop us if you’ve heard this before, but a Montana player is transferring. No, again. No, again again.

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Despite leading FIU to its first two bowl berths, Mario Cristobal was fired Wednesday. (Al Messerschmidt/Getty Images)

Florida International has already scrubbed Mario Cristobal’s biography from the school’s athletic department website. Just a few short minutes after Cristobal’s dismissal was announced, all links to his bio began redirecting to the Panthers’ front page. That’s probably a good idea, since the bio starts out like this:

Mario Cristobal will enter his sixth season as head coach of the FIU football program in 2012 and he has become widely-regarded in the coaching profession for the impressive success his tenure has brought to Florida International University.

Not only has Cristobal established a rock-solid foundation for the FIU program to strongly build upon, he was also the architect for one of the greatest turnarounds in college football and sustained periods of success in recent seasons.

Not solid enough for AD Pete Garcia, apparently, who has maybe the best formal job title on the planet: “Executive Director of Sports and Entertainment.” After leading the Panthers to their first two bowl appearances in program history in 2010 and 2011, Cristobal entered 2012 at the head of a team favored by many (including yours truly) to win the Sun Belt. An unfortunate string of injuries hobbled FIU early and often, and the Panthers finished the 2012 season with just three wins, over Akron, Florida Atlantic and South Alabama. Still, do a quick spin through the social media sphere of your choice this afternoon and you’ll see some heavy scorn and disbelief being flung in the direction of FIU’s administration. Safe to say nobody expected this.

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• Oh, NOW you don’t like the BCS. Not before. Just now. Northern Illinois is bound for the Orange Bowl as the first team from the MAC to earn a BCS bowl bid. We, as you might imagine, are delighted. Others are not. In other words, it’s just like every other BCS selection reaction ever.

Herbstreit calls NIU’s BCS berth “A sad state of college football.”

— Stewart Mandel (@slmandel) December 3, 2012

Herbstreit on #BCS selection show: “To put Northern Illinois in the BCS is a joke.” — Mark Schlabach (@Mark_Schlabach) December 3, 2012

Say what you will about NIU, its bid was automatic, just like Wisconsin’s and Louisville’s. NIU ranks ahead of both in every poll. — Matt Hinton (@MattRHinton) December 3, 2012

“I can’t believe they let NIU into the sacrosanct Orange Bowl.” <—someone who has never watched the Orange Bowl — edsbs (@edsbs) December 2, 2012

Rule that got NIU in was established to help defend BCS from anti-trust lawsuit. ESPN acting like it’s a football decision — Dan Wetzel (@DanWetzel) December 3, 2012

Is there any other sport in America where people DESPISE the underdog? Any sport in the world? — Stewart Mandel (@slmandel) December 3, 2012

Again, according to every current human poll and a consensus of the BCS computers, NIU’s not even the worst BCS bowl team this year. — Matt Hinton (@MattRHinton) December 3, 2012

To steal a @billsimmons metaphor, a lot of the NIU whining seems like people who are also mad the house doesn’t win more in blackjack.

— John Infante (@John_Infante) December 3, 2012

For takes longer than 140 characters, see Samuel Chi’s “Deal with it” and Matt Hinton’s “Blame the Big Ten and Big East.” The final regular-season BCS standings can be found here; the tell-all Coaches’ Poll results are here. For our full bowl schedule, click this way.

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• Louisville 20, Rutgers 17. We’ll let SI.com’s Gabriel Baumgaertner tell y’all all about the antics of Teddy Bridgewater, but don’t go away without watching him let it all out postgame with offensive coordinator Shawn Watson. Bridgewater led the Cardinals to a primetime win, on the road, against the country’s fourth-ranked scoring defense. And then this happened:

How Bridgewater is even remaining upright at this point is anybody’s guess, but up he his, and no matter your particular partisanship, you must applaud. Have you a pulse? You will be moved. But don’t take our word for it. Listen to his teammates. Here’s Louisville offensive lineman Alex Kupper, after the game: “His legacy at the University of Louisville keeps building and building, and he’s only halfway through. He’s just an unbelievable player, the way he fights. When you’re playing next to him, if you do anything less, it’s shame on you.”

Rutgers still gets a share of the Big East title, and Cincinnati could force a four-way tie atop the conference standings with a win over UConn, but take it from Louisville safety Calvin Pryor, as the Cardinals mull their postseason possibilities: ”Whatever it is is better than going to the Belk Bowl!” [BOX | RECAP]

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• By the time you see this post, all of this information will be out of date. Just keep this soothing mantra in your minds, and we’ll all get through this together:

When it all boils down, we’re all members of the Human Race Conference. #footballhugs

— Good Bull Hunting (@GBHunting) November 28, 2012

Change begets stress, and even good stress is stress, our mama has always said, so continue those deep, cleansing breaths while you read these releases from Middle Tennessee State and Florida Atlantic announcing their intent to join Conference USA in 2014. Karl Benson is making solar puns in all caps, so give him a little hug if you see him. And our pal Steven Godfrey finally realizes why Rutgers cut him off for a story a couple weeks back.

The Sun Sentinel is reporting that Western Kentucky and New Mexico State may be next, so if it’s all right with y’all we’re going to wait until next week to re-revise our handy realignment graphic.

• Bowltyme! Our postseason schedule is up and running, with new bowl teams added as they’re announced. It’s also in a font large enough for you to read first thing in the morning without your glasses a couple weeks from now, when you sit upright in bed and are terrified you have overslept into the New Mexico Bowl.

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