Sammy Watkins made headlines when a traffic stop led to the discovery of pot and pills in his vehicle.
(Getty Images)

In a Campus Union feature first, the Allstate Police Blotter Item of the Week* is jam-packed with players you’ve actually heard of, all making bad life choices! (Half of them, anyway, but we’ll get to that.) Who’ll wrest the lead of most LOLsome police interaction of spring away from Boston College’s Jaryd Rudolph?

Cast your vote below for the Allstate Police Blotter Item of the Week:

Case 1: Sammy Watkins (WR/demigod) Clemson
The Incident: A traffic stop led to the discovery of weed and pills and drug charges for the freshman phenom.
The Case For: The possibility that the drugs were planted on Watkins by the Tigers’ perpetually intoxicated-looking plush mascot. (Seriously, have you seen that thing’s eyes? We would almost rather be dropped into a cage with an actual live tiger.)
The Case Against: Turning the mic over here to Georgia O-lineman Watts Danzler:

Sammy Watkins.. If he didn’t run Im disappointed, he could have led a highway high speed chase on foot and the cops would have never got him

— Watts Dantzler (@wattsdantzler) May 4, 2012

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We are not generally overfond of spring football, which clocks in high on pageantry (and higher every year) and low on actual valuable information. But we are highly susceptible to the promise of tailgate meats, and were lured to Death Valley on Saturday to sample a 40-pound brisket* and take in the Orange and White game.

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*May not be actual weight, but it was big. And delectable.

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Our weekend jaunt to Clemson yielded some blandish spring football and the most ‘merican hat we have ever seen on a real person. (Not to be outdone, here’s what they were getting up to, patriotism-wise, in Columbia.) More photos from the trip, including some featuring actual football players, up shortly.

Unlike baseball, college football is actually supposed to have an opening weekend. (REUTERS)

All this chirping about based ball’s Opening “Day” just makes us pine for five months from now, when college football will accomplish in five days what baseball crams into nine or so. Is it too early to start making out our Week 1 mayhem wish list? Probably!

Thursday, August 30

• South Carolina @ Vanderbilt. James Franklin taunts Jadeveon Clowney after the Commodores pull off a late go-ahead touchdown, and the ensuing fracas manages to convince SEC officials to suspend the South Carolina stalwart. Seeking revenge, Steve Spurrier departs Nashville with five or six of Franklin’s scholarship quarterbacks, to feather his depth-chart-fiddlin’ nest back in Columbia. No one is truly satisfied, but no lessons are learned.

• Minnesota @ UNLV. TCF Bank revokes Golden Gophers’ stadium sponsorship after team refuses to pay $5,000 in ATM fees following return from Vegas.

• UCF @ Akron. Zips win, and Terry Bowden gets free jousting privileges at all Medieval Times locations for life.

• UMass @ UConn. In their FBS debut, the Minutemen rout the Huskies, relegating Connecticut to the MAC by a previously unnoticed realignment provision. All involved parties agree this is probably in everyone’s best interest.

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Miss out on last night’s mayhem in Miami? Pre- and postgame photo highlights are collected in the gallery above; below, some extra goodies that didn’t make it into gameday coverage:

• Like your touchdowns by the dozen, do you? Peruse Chris Brown’s primer on the Dana Holgorsen Airraid.

• Just a few months into his regime, Holgo’s assistants are already buying into his all-important beverage philosophy.

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Tavon Austin caught 11 passes for 117 yards and four touchdowns in West Virginia's Orange Bowl win. (Getty)

“Yeah, that’s exactly how we draw it up, right?” — Dana Holgorsen, 1/5/2012

MIAMI GARDENS, Fla. – Make no mistake, the No. 23 West Virginia Mountaineers caught some breaks in the 2012 Orange Bowl en route to a record-setting 70-33 demolition upset of No. 14 Clemson [RECAP | BOX]. First there was Andrew Buie, rolling over the top of Clemson’s Rashard Hall, realizing no crucial body parts had hit the ground and popping up to sprint an additional 17 yards to propel WVU’s first score of the night. Then there was Andre Ellington’s fumble on a would-be Clemson touchdown, the ball never hitting the ground amid a squirming swamp of bodies and WVU’s Darwin Cook snatching it for a 99-yard score the other way that left no jaw in Sun Life Stadium undropped. The 14-point swing gave the Mountaineers their first multi-score lead, which Clemson would threaten only once, with a field goal to cut the deficit to eight points, before coming completely unhinged in Miami. (Tomorrow’s chintzy headlines today: “DARWIN COOK SPROUTS LEGS, STAGGERS OUT OF ENDZONE QUAGMIRE.”)

But luck doesn’t come in 70-point batches, and this WVU team would not have needed it if it did. It is impossible to overstate the great bounding strides Dana Holgorsen’s brand of Airraid has made in Morgantown since Week 3, when the Mountaineers hosted eventual SEC champ and undefeated national title contender LSU and were dealt a stinging loss. Against the ACC’s Tigers on Wednesday, the ‘Eers played fast, clean, efficient ball, their only turnover an interception thrown by backup quarterback Paul Millard, who was given a series  under center with just under five minutes remaining in the third quarter with the game already laughably beyond reach for Clemson. West Virginia’s Geno Smith completed 31-of-42 pass attempts and accounted for seven touchdowns, six of them thrown, with just 426 all-purpose yards recorded.

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Coaches Dabo Swinney and Dana Holgorsen appear to be very excited for Wednesday's Orange Bowl. (AP)

The 2012 Orange Bowl is just hours away. We’re sure you have so many questions. We’re here to help. (For a slightly more serious and in-depth preview, click here.)

• Where will this game be played? Sun Life Stadium in Miami Gardens.

• Can you name every previous name this stadium has had in one breath? Absolutely not, but our personal favorite was that one time it was sponsored by Jimmy Buffett’s beer.

• When is it on television? Kickoff is scheduled for 8:30 p.m. ET on Wednesday, January 4. The game will be televised on ESPN.

• Whom does it feature? The ACC champ plus a BCS at-large selection.

• What about this year? Like pinball? The 10-3 Clemson Tigers and the 9-3 West Virginia Mountaineers are averaging more than 900 yards of combined offense and 69 points per game.

• Who will call the game? Mike Tirico, Jon Gruden, Ron Jaworski and Lisa Salters.

• Shouldn’t Jon Gruden be preparing for what is obviously his next new job as the head coach of Penn State? Don’t be ridiculous. The job is obviously Ron Prince’s. You mean Jim Tressel’s? I do.

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QBs Geno Smith and Tajh Boyd will look to lead WVU and Clemson, respectively, to the Orange Bowl crown. (US PRESSWIRE)

No. 14  Clemson (10-3) vs. No. 23 West Virginia (9-3)
Jan. 4, 8:30 p.m. ET (ESPN)

Clemson and Morgantown are not exactly Arctic wastelands, but you won’t hear the Tigers or Mountaineers complaining about spending a chunk of January in South Florida. Clemson coach Dabo Swinney estimated, “It was like 34 degrees and raining when we left Clemson,” and the estimated high temperature on West Virginia’s campus on game day is a whopping 38. “It will probably be a little easier down here, there’s no doubt about that,” said WVU coach Dana Holgorsen.

The two young coaches are among the main attractions in the only current bowl game named for a piece of fruit. Neither is known for having a particularly reserved demeanor, and if ESPN wants to goose ratings it’ll run a closeup picture-in-picture window of whichever coach’s team has the ball at any given moment.

Holgorsen has taken his version of a laid-back approach to bowl week, explaining, “I’m low key and relaxed when things are going the way we need them to go and if things aren’t going the way we want them to, they know exactly what’s coming.” For his part, Swinney was very recently honored with the Bobby Dodd Coach of the Year Award, but the prestige hasn’t dulled his tweaky sense of decorum. “I’d be surprised if there’s not some points scored in this one,” Swinney said. “I don’t think it’ll be a 6-3 ball game, you know, like maybe some of the other games around. This one should be an exciting game for fans.”

The droll wink is implied.

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The cruel bowl system will keep Mr. and Mrs. Kellen Moore from a BCS destination.

• Bowltyme! Travesties upon travesties abound! (And that’s just the Belk Bowl lineup!) Your full 2011-2012 college football bowl schedule is available for perusal, and there’s just so much to unpack. The Coaches’ and Harris Poll ballots are out and open to dissection, and if you’d like somebody to do your dissecting for you, Andy Staples has you covered.  Stewart Mandel: “Oh, Sugar Bowl. There you go again.”  Matt Hinton: “Seriously: Voting on the better football team? Are we still doing this? We’re really going to do it again? Deferring to polls and algorithms in a competition that keeps score?” Boise State: Shut out of the BCS despite a top 10 finish for the fourth time. The Urbz Bowl: A real thing now.

• Fresh coaches, bought and sold! A reminder: Our Canned Coaches Cubby post will tally each fired coach this offseason. Latest additions: Steve Fairchild and Pat Hill. (Hill’s mustache declined comment.) Now, to the hires (deeeep breath): Hugh Freeze to Ole Miss, Carl Pelini to FAU, Garrick McGee to UAB and Curtis Johnson to Tulane. In non-firing news: Mike Price to remain at UTEP for the moment, Mack Brown hanging on at Texas and Houston would very much like to keep Kevin Sumlin with the Cougars. Good luck with that. In possible departures: Three Auburn assistants have been out on the interviewing trail, though two of them have already lost out (and that’s frankly lucky for all involved parties). And three Pittsburgh assistants are leaving the Panthers for points west.

• A coaching post of a more serious nature: Condolences to the family of former Ohio State assistant Joe Daniels, who passed away over the weekend. Our very best wishes to the OSU football community.

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