• It’s really and truly over. With Army-Navy receding in the rearview, and a football-free week between now and the New Mexico Bowl, it’s time to confront the close of the 2012 season with the following range of emotions:

Everything is terrible.

• What verbal glories await in Hattiesburg? As a kind of farewell to Oklahoma State offensive coordinator Todd Monken, the Oklahoman rounds up a collection of his more memorable (if PG) quips during his tenure in Stillwater. One favorite: “Up until that point, there hadn’t been a moment for myself. Dana had been here, I was just running his stuff. Up until that point there was a trust, but it was still, ‘Who is this guy that stands in front of us?’ It’s like in ‘The Sandlot’ when the goofy kid with glasses finally catches the ball. It’s like, ‘All right, he’s OK.’ Up until that point he’s just the nerdy kid in the outfield with his hat on weird.”

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On December 7, Butch Jones becomes the next head coach on Rocky Top. (AP)

Tennessee has hired its fourth head coach in six years: Cincinnati Bearcats skipper Butch Jones. The first official announcement was made in all caps early this morning on the official Tennessee football Twitter account, confirming our long-held suspicions that the sentient Sunsphere has taken over social media duties for the athletic department. The hire ends several weeks of alternating periods of eerie silence, rampant, irresponsible speculation and public dalliances with the likes of Mike Gundy, Charlie Strong and Larry Fedora.

We’re wondering this morning what all the fuss with those other candidates was about, as this move was clearly prophesied in the Volunteers’ unofficial fight song. If you haven’t been following the Tennessee coaching search, you can watch this video of a bearcat demolishing a pumpkin to glean the general idea.

Also, his name is Butch, so the intangibles are all there.

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James White was part of a Badgers ground game that tallied 539 yards and eight scores. (Getty Images)

Quick hits from the Championship Saturday action. For more on Week 14, check out our Friday Snaps, coverage of Louisville-Rutgers, Oklahoma-TCU and the epic clash between Alabama and Georgia, plus our complete Top 25 review.

• Wisconsin 70, No. 14 Nebraska 31. This game wasn’t even as close as the final score indicates, which is really saying something. The Huskers were down 42-10 at the half — Wisconsin scored its final touchdown of the second quarter on a trick play with 20 seconds left on the clock, because Bret Bielema enjoys reminding folks he’s Bret Bielema — and scored two touchdowns in the fourth quarter after the Badgers had already crossed the 60-point mark.

“We kind of set our minds before the game that this is our game,” Monteé Ball said afterward. “The running backs were going to set the tempo.” Offhand, with 539 yards gained on the ground alone, we would venture to suggest they succeeded in their efforts.

Fun tidbit: Ball rushed for 201 yards on 21 attempts and three touchdowns, and was neither the leading scorer nor the leading rusher for the Badgers. Melvin Gordon rang up 217 yards on nine carries with one score, while James White added four touchdowns and 109 yards on 15 carries. Lost in all that: Taylor Martinez doing this Family Circus touchdown run. Don’t forget that Taylor Martinez did this, because it was awesome.

Wisconsin trailed Nebraska 3-4 in the series before tonight’s cannon show. Has a series ever been leveled with such gusto? And what will a defense of Stanford’s caliber make of these five-loss Badgers, who wouldn’t have even been in position to claim the Big Ten title and earn a Rose Bowl berth if not for other programs’ sanctions? “It’s OK to get there,” said Bielema of the Rose Bowl, “but you need to win it.” They’ll get their shot on New Year’s Day. [BOX | RECAP]

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There are 11 conference races in FBS football, and heading into what will be their final Saturday of the regular season, only one — the WAC — has already crowned its champion. In every other league, and even among the independents where Army and Navy don’t play until next week, there’s at least a little room for movement at the top, if not an outright battle for the conference title. (For more in-depth preview content of this weekend’s SEC title game and other contests, visit Andy Staples’ Walkthrough.)

Georgia has a big game coming up. Of course there’s a song.

Actual Conference Championship Games, Actually

• Central Florida at Tulsa, 12:00 p.m. ET. In keeping with our tiebreaking theme, this game will serve as a best-of-three supremacy determiner: The Knights and Golden Hurricane are 1-1 all-time against each other when playing for the C-USA championship.

• Alabama vs. Georgia, 4:00 p.m. How many bowl scouts from games that can’t possibly hope to take Alabama or Georgia d’you reckon were awarded press credentials for this?

• Nebraska vs. Wisconsin, 8:00 p.m. If you like conference championship games featuring fewer than two division champs, this is the contest for you. Ohio State will celebrate its 12-0 regular season next Friday.

• Florida State vs. Georgia Tech, 8:00 p.m. It is technically still possible for a 6-6 team to receive a BCS bowl bid, at which point it would be a 7-6 team, which makes it all better, right? The majesty of the BCS!

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Speedster Dri Archer helped Kent State secure its first MAC title game berth by beating Bowling Green. (AP)

Snap Judgments from the Week 12 early slate. For more, check out our midday Snaps, our coverage of Stanford-Oregon, our look at the new BCS landscape and our complete Top 25 review.

• No. 25 Kent State 31, Bowling Green 24. Brothers and sisters, we have nearly come to the end of this thing. This is the last normal weekend of college football in the 2012 season: Next week’s games are scattered willy-nilly over the Thanksgiving holiday, and after that there’s just the conference championships and a dozen or so assorted other contests. Then, we will be all plunged into darkness with only the promise of Army-Navy and the New Mexico Bowl to guide us. So we understand your impatience, and you can imagine ours, as we flipped channels today only to be met time and again with lackluster on-field products.

We were delighted but not surprised to find the most compelling action of Week 12′s first flight of games in the form of daylight MACtion. If you’re not a regular reader of Profiles in Profiteroles or lack a fondness for college football’s less-celebrated conferences, you may not be familiar with the works of Kent State’s Dri Archer. The top-ranked kick returner in the FBS got most of the Golden Flashes’ touches at running back today, and to spectacular effect: 241 rushing yards, including touchdowns of 79 and 74 yards.

Kent State’s other two touchdowns were scored by quarterback Spencer Keith (one passing, one rushing); the last gave the Golden Flashes their final lead of the game midway through the fourth quarter. The Falcons mounted an impressive final would-be scoring drive that ended with Luke Wollet picking off Matt Schilz in Kent State’s end zone with 21 seconds remaining on the clock, and punching the Golden Flashes’ first ticket to the MAC championship game. They’ll face Northern Illinois in Detroit on Friday, November 30. [BOX | RECAP]

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• Collin Klein and Kenjon Barner would like a word. We can think of a few folks who might take issue with USC’s assertion that Marqise Lee is the best player in college football, but he certainly has a compelling case (and his own hashtag). And will fruitless Heisman arguments stop us from posting kickass highlight reels? They most certainly will not.

• We see what you’re saying, but all we hear is “start looking for parking in New Orleans, like, tomorrow.” Brett “Sources” McMurphy was first to report yesterday that the Sugar Bowl has won the Champions Bowl bidding war and will host an annual SEC-Big 12 champions clash, when it’s not serving as a playoff semifinal site. The first game will take place on Jan. 1, 2015, and the agreement runs through January 2026. So, Arlington for the title game, then?

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Assorted bests and worsts from college football’s week that was:

• Best throwback (see what we did there?): Can’t go wrong with a classic, can we, Aaron Murray?

• Unofficial Heisman winner of our hearts: AJ McCarron, but not for the football-related reasons you might think. No, Alabama’s quarterback won our undying allegiance much earlier in the day, after dropping this little number on GameDay:

AJ McCarron to ESPN on handling wrath of Saban: “I always mess with him. I always say it kind of makes you feel as small as him.”

— Jon Solomon (@jonsol) November 3, 2012

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This is your regular reminder that Cincinnati’s quarterback is named “Munchie Legaux.” (AP)

You have a choice when it comes to how you spend your Friday nights. Choose wisely. Choose college football. We’re here to help. 

Cincinnati at No. 16 Louisville

• What information do I, the discerning consumer, require in order to consume this game? The Bearcats and Cardinals kick off Friday at 8 p.m. ET in Papa John’s Cardinal Stadium. The game will be televised on ESPN and streamed on WatchESPN. Tonight’s contest also marks the 52nd installment of the Keg of Nails rivalry, which stretches all the way back to 1929.

• Is there anything crueler in sports than not being allowed to bring outside food into a stadium named after Papa John’s Pizza? Being at Legion Field for the PapaJohns.com Bowl (RIP) when they ran out of pizza, maybe.

• Please explain this “Keg of Nails” thing. From Cincinnati’s sports information department, some illuminating facts: “The winner of Saturday’s game gets the keg of nails, one of the more unique rivalry trophies with a somewhat vague origin. The trophy is a replica of a keg used to ship nails.” How can you argue with that? You cannot.

• What’s at stake here? Cincinnati currently holds a four-game winning streak in the series, which you may reasonably suspect might come to an end tonight. But as with most weeknight football, you never can tell. Neither squad has a conference loss; the 7-0 Cardinals have a regular-season edge over the 5-1 Bearcats. Whichever team emerges victorious this evening will stay with Rutgers as one of the last two unbeatens in Big East conference play. For more on tonight’s football happenings, please see our full preview.

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Jamison Crowder (right) tumbled into the end zone with :13 left to lift Duke. (Chuck Liddy/ZUMAPRESS.com)

On a night characterized largely by lopsided blowouts, most of our joy at watching competitive football was drawn from the ACC. Here, we give thanks. For more, check out our early Snaps, midday Snaps, our coverage of Kansas State-West Virginia, South Carolina-Florida, Oregon-Arizona State and our complete Top 25 review.

• Duke 33, North Carolina 30. Let us sing of the Blue Devils and postseason football! Your eyes do not deceive you. That was David Cutcliffe waving a can of spray paint in the postgame celebration crush. Those are the Blue Devils you see atop the ACC Coastal standings. The Victory Bell is awarded to Duke in the earliest game between Duke and North Carolina since 1943. It’s a new blue world.

For a little while there it looked as though the Blue Devils were set to repeat last week’s unfortunate pattern of events, when they jumped out ahead of Virginia Tech early only to see hopes of victory dashed. Duke held a 20-6 lead at halftime and a 23-9 lead at the end of the third quarter before surrendering three touchdowns to the Tar Heels while managing only a field goal on offense. That last UNC score was the real killer: A Bryn Renner pass to Erik Highsmith was fumbled after Highsmith took a hit from a Duke defender, only to see Duke whiff on the fumble recovery and Giovani Bernard scoop it up and run it in for the score. Sean Renfree saved the day late with a five-yard touchdown pass to Jamison Crowder on fourth down that was caught so quickly it was hard to make out even on replay.

Renfree finished with 23 completions on 36 attempts for 275 yards, one touchdown and one interception. Gio recorded his third consecutive triple-digit rushing effort for the Tar Heels with 143 yards on 24 carries. Blue Devils triumvirate Josh Snead, Jela Duncan and Juwan Thompson combined for 237 rushing yards. Tonight marked Duke’s first win over UNC since 2003, its first home win versus the Tar Heels since 1998 and first bowl eligibility status achieved since 1994. [BOX | RECAP]

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Michigan State’s Mark Dantonio can get WAY grouchier than this. You’ll see. (AP)

Your oddly specific Saturday viewing guide. For more football-centric preview content, check out Andy Staples’ Walkthrough.

• Most locally sourced farm-to-fan football. In-state rivalries abound in Week 8, for those of you keeping vigilant watches on your carbon footprints. Saturday’s sustainably-grown grudge matches include No. 22 Stanford at Cal (3 p.m. ET), Michigan State at No. 23 Michigan (3:30 p.m.) and No. 12 Florida State at Miami (8 p.m.).

• Worst idea for a noon kickoff in recorded human history. Or maybe “best idea in terms of public safety,” but we’re still calling an 11 a.m. CT kickoff for LSU at Texas A&M the worst kind of cowardice. Who wants to live forever?

• Saddest ball of football sadness. Army (1-5) at Eastern Michigan (0-6), the latter of which we really did call “the country’s best winless team” on the Mandel Initiative podcast earlier this week. We meant every word of that. (HONORABLE MENTIONS: Boston College, already with a loss to this Army team, has to play a Georgia Tech team that’s already lost to Middle Tennessee State; and FAU-South Alabama, which will play in the One Of You is Getting Off The Floor Of The Sun Belt Whether You Want To Or Not Classic.)

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