Louisville fans: concerned with face paint, not concerned with fall weddings. (ZUMAPRESS.com)

Programming note: Campus Union will be on hiatus next week as we flee west to catch a little sunstroke before the crush of media days. Regular posting will resume Monday, June 25. Until then, you can follow our PCH madcap misadventures on Twitter, or just gaze with wondrous adoration at our shiny new banner up top. Beards! Laserfeet! 

Below, lovingly curated light reading to speed you to your weekend:

• Reader mail: The Miracle Marriage. Our favorite response to Tuesday’s Troll Wedding Calendar came from intrepid occasional colleague Godfrey, who writes:

I used a late January business trip to London to propose, ostensibly because I could do so in unforgettable vista of the WW2-bombed ruins of a Catholic church inside the old City of London gates  (#nohumblebrag) but also because the time of the proposal would theoretically not permit a big Southern wedding to planned in time for the Sept-Oct window but OH S*** I WAS WRONG SHE’S REALLY ORGANIZED.

My fandom was outweighed (read: overruled) by that whole “undying love and commitment thing, two become one in the eyes God, etc…,” and 10/23/10 was selected due to the church’s availability. The reception was held in her parent’s home (straight up North Louisiana Steel Magnolias, srsly. My future father-in-law even shot squirrels out of the oak trees that morning).

The groomsmen fan affiliation broke down accordingly: 2 Ole Miss, 1 UGA, 1 Texas, 2 LSU, 1 Louisville (/was not concerned). You’d think a 630pm wedding on 10/23/10, the heart of the season, would spell disaster, especially with three SEC teams.

Behold, a miracle:

11:00 CT – Texas vs. Iowa State
11:20am CT – Ole Miss at Arkansas
2:30pm CT – LSU at Auburn (game ended right as the limo came to take the groomsmen to the church)
6:15pm CT – UGA at Kentucky (the sole conflict, BUT they re-aired it on FSN that night at 3am in the hotel bar, because yes, he watched it then)

The only minor complaint the entire night was a sole Bama fan unable to witness a mere routine slaughter of Tennessee. ONE fan out of a group of 300.

PS – As compensation, we had all-bourbon bar at the reception. Seven top-shelf choices to assist in helping most attendees forget what day/week/sports season it was before 9 p.m.

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These Auburn fans have the right idea, folks. (Landov)

Our warm congratulations to all you June brides and grooms, who managed to tie the knot without interfering with America’s true national pastime. The last acceptable Saturdays in the calendar year on which to get married are waning fast, and the scourge of the fall wedding looms large and frilly beyond. Quoth our friend and amateur wedding planner colleague Jason Kirk, ”Here’s your complete guide to scheduling a fall wedding: Do not ever do it.”

There are flimsy cases to be made for autumn nuptials. Our dearest friend is fond of saying winter is too cold, summer too hot and spring just too damn chirpy. (We suspect she just wants to throw her fall wedding to test the true devotion of every one of her friends and family. She’s an adorable sociopath.) But you’re always going to trip up somebody’s rooting schedule, even if your entire extended family is all bound to, say, a school with strong ties to your church. BYU alums plotting out ceremonies for the Cougars’ bye week are bound to find some UU partisans lurking in the family trees. Not everybody can get into Notre Dame (just ask anybody who went to Notre Dame).

“But your cousin only gets married once,” your least-favorite auntie might scold, “and football games will still be there next year.” Only if you know your cousin, she’ll stroll down that aisle at least twice more in her lifetime, and the games won’t be there, really. Each Red River Shootout is its own unique creature. Last season’s Orange Bowl can never be replicated. LSU and Alabama, you might have heard, met twice on the field in one year, with wildly divergent outcomes.

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