We do not have any particular affection or contempt for Arkansas football, but do we like having this guy within a day’s drive.

Yes. Yes, we do. Arkansas football interviews have been colorless affairs since the departure of the Reverend Houston Dale. We cannot wait to ask you many questions, John L. Smith. Welcome.

John L. Smith has run with the bulls in Spain, climbed Mount Kilimanjaro, skydived, trained with Marines. … SEC Media Days, rejoice.

— Stewart Mandel (@slmandel) April 23, 2012

More on the hire from Mandel and from around the bloggy sphere after the jump:

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Jessica Dorrell (AP)

In which the circumstances surrounding Arkansas football become somehow even more sad and weird:

What has two thumbs and a tenure with a team shorter than Bobby Petrino’s with the Falcons? Surprising precisely no one, Jessica Dorrell is no longer a University of Arkansas employee. And don’t expect to see her working as, I don’t know, a boat show model in one of those hog hats any time soon, for the school has purchased her silence:

Arkansas said Dorrell’s resignation came with the understanding she “would not attempt to sell or profit from her affiliation with Razorback Athletics.”

The university also is paying Dorrell “approximately $14,000” as part of what it has called a “settlement and resolution of all matters between the parties.”

Those of you harboring grim feelings that Fred Smith’s donation was to be used for buyouts, be at peace. But yes, we do find it sort of gross and weird that anybody involved in The Hawgpanky Experience gets to profit from it. For a more polite and measured take on Ms. Dorrell’s impact on the sporting world, we’ll point you to Christianne Harder.

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That “TEAM SAVE COACH PETRINO” rally (we still think that name has at least two too many words in it) wasn’t quite the roaring throng its organizers might have envisioned …

Here is a view of the crowd now. For what it’s worth. twitter.com/NWARobbie/stat…

— Robbie Neiswanger (@NWARobbie) April 9, 2012

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Circumstances in Fayetteville did not visibly shift over the holiday weekend, but if you’re absolutely desperate for further tidbits:

• Following the accident, Bobby Petrino reportedly asked a bystander not to call 911, and instead contacted a state trooper of his acquaintance to take him to the hospital. Arkansas State Police are investigating the trooper’s involvement.

• Petrino remains on paid leave while AD Jeff Long sorts through the rubble; meanwhile, the Razorbacks are back at practice.

• Misc.: SB Nation’s Jason Kirk makes an actual football-based case for cutting Petrino loose. Arkansas Expats sifts assorted message board rumors. Shelley Smith and a WWL camera crew descended on Fayetteville to gauge fan reaction (warning: unstoppable autoplay video alert).  And that Sugar Bowl cap appears to have served its intended purpose: There will apparently be a pro-Petrino rally in town this evening. No word on any events planned in support of Josh Morgan.

Photo credit: teamcatlab, naturally. 

How did Bobby Petrino screw up this time? Let us count the ways… (AP)

Because it’s not really a sports blog if we never do power rankings, and a holiday Friday seems as good a time as any, no?

1. Bobby Petrino hiring his mistress to work in the Arkansas athletic department, with a bullet. The idea that this was allowed to happen looks ludicrous enough in print. For a more sober take, read what Andy Staples scribbled in the night, and take heed: It’s the “in the Arkansas athletic department” and not “mistress” that’s the killer here.

2. Timing. Four days elapsed between the hiring of said mistress and the crash that introduced their relationship to an incredulous public.

3. Vocabulary strength & conditioning. Petrino was able to stretch the definition of “previous inappropriate relationship” to encompass a woman he’d taken riding and endeavored to shield from public knowledge just four days prior.

4. Jessica Dorrell’s engagement to an Arkansas athletic department staffer.

5. Petrino’s grasp of real-world Venn diagrams, which somehow gave him the idea that what he told the police and what he told his employers would never be viewed side-by-side in an ever-updating world of relentless media scrutiny.

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Assorted bits of light reading to speed you through your Friday.

• Fear the Fruit. Delta State’s “Fear the Okra” campaign continues to delight and horrify in equal measure.

• Welcome to the College Football Hall of Fame Tent, sponsored by Coca-Cola. We prefer to think this is just a power play enacted as sort of a protest movement against those who would block the enshrinement of Stephen Garcia’s hair.

• What, no Sam Bradford? Starting Monday, you can vote for RGIII’s EA Sports sidekick.

• All in the graven idol game. Auburn’s Heis-men statues will be unveiled at the Tigers’ spring game. We’re holding out for a statue of Pat Dye.

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