Posted February 20, 2014

Important unanswered questions from Oklahoma’s self-reported pasta violation

NCAA, NCAA Reform, Oklahoma Sooners, THIS IS STUPID
Bob Stoops

Bob Stoops is seen here with his team, presumably running toward oodles of noodles. (Brett Deering/Getty Images)

Self-reported NCAA violations are kind of a mixed bag. Schools basically report them to bypass any major problems that could come up, and the penalties for such violations, in most cases, are minimal. By self-reporting, schools build up a bit of equity with the NCAA — “Hey look, we texted a recruit on accident, or, We butt-dialed some kid in Alaska we weren’t even pursuing.” — so that the powers that be will be less inclined to drop the hammer or get all up in a program’s business, so to speak. (This is a technical term.)

Oklahoma recently self-reported a bunch of secondary violations, and The Oklahoman was all over them, thanks to a records request. Some violations were pretty boring — extra calls during the dead period, practices that weren’t really practices during a time when teams can’t really practice, etc. — but others were hilariously ridiculous.

From The Oklahoman:

The violations included a recruit on an official visit charging wireless Internet access at the hotel to the school through her hotel bill, a hand-drawn picture on an envelope sent to a player who was verbally committed and a voluntary practice on a travel day.

Endless possibilities involving the hand-drawn picture notwithstanding, the most interesting and commented upon violation was the revelation that three players received “pasta in excess” and had to pay about $3.83 each to “a charity of their choice.” Everyone and anyone had something to say about it, including renowned pasta experts.

Offensive lineman Gabe Ikard confessed to being one of the guilty parties, as did Austin Woods.

The best part of all this — it wasn’t even an NCAA violation.

That being said, Campus Union still has plenty of questions about the #PastaINXS scandal. While I don’t anticipate all of these being answered, I hope this serves as a jumping off point, so we can gather all the necessary information to keep something so egregious from ever, ever happening again.

• Are the Big 12′s pasta bowls deeper than the SEC’s?

• Is the quality of Big 12 pasta as good at the bottom of the league as it is at the top?

• How soon after receiving pasta are players allowed to eat it?

• Do players have to wait 10 seconds before digging in, just to make sure that everyone is settled at the table?

• Does eating pasta constitute a safety hazard?

• What kind of pasta did the Sooners’ players eat? Seriously, this is the biggest unanswered question out there. If it was angel hair, they would’ve had to eat an awful lot to exceed $3 worth. Angel hair isn’t even that great.

• Has anyone done a pasta power ranking? I’m not talking about with sauce or meat or vegetables, but of the actual noodles themselves. I’m partial to penne, though I dig farfelle, you know, because it’s classy. This could be an untapped discussion point.

• What was the sauce situation here?

• What else is Oklahoma hiding in the bread baskets it’s passing around?

• Why haven’t any caterers spoken up?

• What is the NCAA’s official stance on the Paleo Diet?

• How do spices factor in here? Was crushed red pepper in play?

• Who decides how much is the appropriate amount of pasta?

• Is there a pasta overlord?

• What are the qualifications for the position?

• Should Bob Stoops parlay this into a sponsorship deal with Buitoni?

• Is there an Easy Mac® clause?

• How does ramen complicate things?

• Is ramen considered pasta?

• Why are these the top three autocomplete results on Google for “why does the ncaa”?

why does the ncaa

3 comments
JamesTeasdale
JamesTeasdale

Good for Stoops. He's always been antipasto but provolone....

Craig
Craig

Did anyone consider that they might be Pastafarians and the "overeating" was simply an exercise of their religious rights and not an NCAA violation?  I'm certain that even the NCAA cannot regulate their right to worship as they see fit.  After all, when a proper Pastafarian is in the presence of His Noodliness, it is easy to become lost in the exaltation of the moment .  It's like a Christian who believes he is experiencing the Rapture.