Posted July 23, 2013

Switzies The Sixth: Celebrating the ‘best’ of the 2013 offseason

Awards, Barry Switzer, Spring Football, The Switzies
The Switzies are named in honor of Barry Switzer, patron saint of college football frolicking. (Andy Hayt/SI)

The Switzies are named in honor of Barry Switzer, patron saint of college football frolicking. (Andy Hayt/SI)

By Holly Anderson

In which we hand out imaginary trophies at the midpoint of the offseason, to celebrate living this long without football. Our pets remember what we look like in the mornings, now. It’s weird. Previous Switzies: 2011 midseason2011 postseason , 2012 offseason2012 midseason2012 postseason.

Best offseason SI cover. We’re counting Colin Kaepernick’s appearance here as a #WACtion victory, but nothing tops Jadeveon Clowney overshadowing March Madness previews:

• Best offseason foodstuff developmentThe DANA combo at Tudor’s Biscuit World — although, shamefully, we still prefer the Thundering Herd biscuit.

• Best offseason time-wasting argument comes from friend of the program The Gurgling Cod, who asks, “If you could buy stadium replica litterboxes, which one would be most popular?”

• Best new hire. Western Michigan coach P.J. Fleck, who painted up his chest for an icy pond jump, and who brought along his wife, Tracie, for the festivities. Tracie, a new mother, jumped into a frozen body of water in a bathing suit, in February, in Michigan. We will never not be in awe of this.

• Best recruiting development of 2013. Jon Bon Jovi’s kid joining Notre Dame football, for obvious reasons, followed closely by PUNTER FLIP!

• Best coach-based social media moment. It’s a crowded field here — Mike Gundy did update his age and gender for the entertainment of the internet, after all — but we’re giving the crown to Vandy offensive line coach Herb Hand and his balloon animal encounter.

• Best player-based social media moment. When he graduates, we’re just gonna name this award after Georgia’s Watts Dantzler.

• Best new stadium addition. TCU’s latest, greatest Horned Frog statue. SO METAL. Even if it were not made of metal, it would be metal. We want one. We want one real bad.

 Best correction. The Ohio State turtle story brought great joy to God’s green internet, and several pounding headaches to Ohio State’s media relations staff.

Best extracurricular activity. TIE. Not college football, but nothing has brought us joy this spring like a #MACtion player going first in the NFL draft — except for, perhaps, the Iron Bowl of hovercrafting.

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