No Harper Lee adventures in Lee County
In the most resounding stroke of bad fortune in an offseason fraught with them, Harvey Updyke pled guilty Friday to charges related to the poisoning of Auburn’s beloved oak trees, depriving us all of the opportunity to tailgate a trial. We are sorely disappointed in the legal minds on both sides, although they’re making their excuse sound good:
“We have a significant number of violent felonies awaiting trial in Lee County and I could not in good conscience justify financing a three-week trial merely to arrive at no better a resolution,” Lee County District Attorney Robbie Treese said in a statement.
And while that is all very important, we were going to put on a big hat and white gloves and have a nice picnic on the courthouse lawn to show support for our Auburn pals, consarnit. This could’ve been the In Cold Blood of the internet age, and we are all spiritually poorer for it.