Posted February 28, 2013

Easty Come, Easty Go

Big East, Conference Realignment, Sun Belt
Maybe we go with "Conference Mike TranghEast," for fond memories' sake. (AP)

Maybe we go with “Conference Mike TranghEast,” for fond memories’ sake. (AP)

After a couple solid years of making jokes about ManifEast Destiny, we may really have to rename the Big East. If the conference goes through with selling its brand to the just-hatching conference of Catholic basketball defectors — always knew the Big East wasn’t suited for football, didn’t we? — and the Sun Belt remains an independent entity, depriving us of the long dreamed-of SunBEast merger, fresh titling will be called for. The internet is here to help.

• “All-you-can-EAST Buffet” — @TomBraggSports

• “Bandwagons East” — @bbhrusty

• “the Middle East” — @WacJack

• “fEAST for Crows…we can read about the destruction of the Big East AND the family Stark…SIMULTANEOUSLY.” — @purplebuckeye

• “Cats n Corgis Conference (for SEO purposes, obvs)” — @tholzerman

• “Cease and DesEAST” — @ecuamerican

• “(Way) East of Eden” — @cyrisjonfs

• “EASTbound and Down” — IAmSpilly

• “The Big Espagnole” — @TCMcG

• “EastSPN3.Conference” — @MattCox

(We’ve tried all night and most of the morning to make a good Roll Tide joke out of this; if anybody can come up with one, do let us know.)

Knox Demmond
Knox Demmond

"Big East" belongs to the "Catholic Seven." The price paid for the name should be one dollar.

Knox Demmond
Knox Demmond

The conference's new name should be the Joan Jett Conference, the "Jay-Jay-See." Every conference game and presser should begin with the blaring of Joan Jett's 'Bad Reputation.' Soon enough, fans of other college conference teams will refer to the membership as the Blackhearts. Some self-absorbed tweeters, bloggers, and hacks(journalists) will perpetually fight over who began it. If a conference team ever faces the Alabama Crimson Tide, that conference member's band must play Joan Jett's 'Crimson & Clover' over and over and over again. Indeed, the level of irreverence across the entire conference must be raised exponentially, such that the Stanford Band appears quaint.

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