A Thousand Points of Spite: National Signing Day Awards
We were off Storifying on SI Dot Com proper yesterday, during a National Signing Day short on drama and appallingly devoid of any baby animals whatsoever. Stewart Mandel has done actual analysis of the 2013 classes, but please don’t think for a second that our brief straying from this space means we have strayed from any of this blog’s core missions — chief among them bow tie assessment. Assorted bests and worsts from the last flurry of national college football activity until August:
• Best neckwear game. This was a close race, and a truly tough call, and while the Nkemdiche brothers made a strong case, Ole Miss had to lose something yesterday. (Like, seriously, one thing. Just one.) Wednesday’s winner: incoming TCU running back Kyle Hicks and this shiny purple number:
• Best signing ceremony of 2013, critters division. A’Shawn Robinson, a Rivals five-star defensive tackle previously committed to Texas, signed with Alabama Wednesday with the kind assistance of a person in a plush elephant suit. Quick show of hands: Which is creepier? The elephant-stagehand looming in the background?
Or the closeup?
And are those EYELASHES?
• Best signing ceremony of 2013, fashion division. Montravius Adams, another Rivals five-star defensive tackle, whose signing with Auburn went down like this:
DT Montravius Adams reached for "Tigers" hat. Unfortunately for Clemson fans, he was hiding was a homemade AU tee—
Chip Patterson (@cnpatterson3) February 06, 2013
• Best balloons. Vanderbilt, in a delightful callback to our favorite post from last week:
• Most essential NSD follow. Clemson receivers coach and recruiting coordinator Jeff Scott, without whom we would have missed out on Beverly Nkemdiche’s sly sense of social media humor, and whatever the hell this was:
• Biggest geographical flip. Keith Kirkwood, Rutgers to Hawaii.
• Biggest hi-lo prestige flip. Jason Hatcher, USC to Kentucky.
• Best Nick Saban costume. Reuben Foster, covering up his Auburn ink with crimson and white:
• Best Signing Day prank. Texas Tech fans reminding Tommy Tuberville just how much they’ll miss him.
• Stateliest Signing Day board. Why, Michigan State, of course.
• Thing we’ve never seen on Signing Day before, which deserves some kind of recognition just for that. Virginia Tech linebacker prospect Holland Fisher, signing from home while serving a 10-day suspension from school.
• Best cap. Stacy Coley, Miami:
• Best cheekbones. Texas native, safety and model Myles Crosby, who’s signed with SMU, which is just perfect, somehow.
• Most surprisingly quotable presser. Scott Shafer, outta nowhere!
"He's got a babyface." – Scott Shafer, who is filling in cracks in your recruit bios that you didn't realize you needed to know.—
Sean Keeley (@NunesMagician) February 06, 2013
"He's got a big body that's going to get get heavier and he's willing to put his face on people." WHAT?—
Sean Keeley (@NunesMagician) February 06, 2013
• Most punctual recruiting class. Ball State!
Nice job by all of our signees getting their NLI paperwork in before 11am. Go Cards!—
Pete Lembo (@Pete_Lembo) February 06, 2013
• Worst memento mori. If you can read this, you are terribly old:
UGA just signed Richard Seymour's SON. In other news, I've got my choices down to Old Age State and Confronting One's Mortality Tech.—
Doug (@CaptainAnnoying) February 06, 2013
• Best decorated fax machine. Washington State, bobbling through NSD:
• Inception-iest Signing Day activity. Louisiana Tech, with this photo of a video of a fax machine:
• Most photorealistic Signing Day graphic. West Virginia, with the cartoon dry erase marker action:
• Healthiest Signing Day attitude. Steve Spurrier. Did you wonder why, after an 11-2 season and an Outback Bowl victory, you didn’t hear much out of South Carolina yesterday morning? So did we, until the OBC’s press conference later in the afternoon:
Q. We’ve seen these pictures on TV and whatever, and all these staff sitting around the big conference table all day. I don’t envision you doing that?
COACH SPURRIER: No.
Q. How do you spend the day recruiting? What do you do on this day?
COACH SPURRIER: Well, I have my usual workout at about 10:30 to 11:30, quarter to 12:00, something like that. Then came back and checked on the faxes. I think all of them were in, except maybe one that we weren’t sure of. That was about it. Made a few calls here and there, called a few of the guys that came with us, so that’s about what I do.
Steve Spurrier played at least 27 holes of golf yesterday, and will outlive us all and be happier doing so.
• Most picturesque Signing Day signoff. Sonny Dykes is living right:
• Dearest unfulfilled wishes for next year’s signing class. In no particular order:
Just once, I'd love to see Colorado sign a class full of real, live Buffaloes.—
Ben Kercheval (@CFTBenKercheval) February 06, 2013
Would it kill one of these Ole Miss signees to pull out an Admiral Ackbar action figure?—
Bobby Big Wheel (@BobbyBigWheel) February 06, 2013
One of these years, we're just gonna have a nice non-bizarre season of like 9-3 and an Outback Bowl with a sturdy recruiting class—
Chris Driver (@Jerkwheatery) February 06, 2013
We'll know Ole Miss has really arrived if James Franklin refers to Rebels coach "Huey Satan"—
Brett McMurphy (@McMurphyESPN) February 06, 2013
10:50 am is the over/under for a recruit calling an LOI an LOL on Twitter.—
Luke Zimmermann (@lukezim) February 06, 2013
• Most crucial Signing Day lesson.
If signing day has taught us anything today, its that the people designing the majority of our nation's hats must be stopped.—
Bunkie Perkins (@BunkiePerkins) February 06, 2013