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Del.i.cious
Mark Emmert: ‘Dreams feel real while we’re in them.’*
Here is Mark Emmert indicating how many Nevin Shapiro attorneys were on the NCAA payroll during the NCAA’s investigation of Miami. (AP)
Gonna just leave this here button up top. Open in a new window; press while reading as needed.
So, y’all remember on Monday when we were all “We’ll have more on this when we actually see the notice of allegations, unless we don’t see this notice of allegations, in which case we’ll be right back here next Monday writing a third variation on this same headline”? Turns out we could be waiting a while. We all could be waiting a while. Waiting on the NCAA to investigate its investigation of Miami. (Press that button. We’ll wait.)
Quoth the NCAA, Wednesday afternoon: “The NCAA national office has uncovered an issue of improper conduct within its enforcement program that occurred during the University of Miami investigation. Former NCAA enforcement staff members worked with the criminal defense attorney for Nevin Shapiro to improperly obtain information for the purposes of the NCAA investigation through a bankruptcy proceeding that did not involve the NCAA.
“As it does not have subpoena power, the NCAA does not have the authority to compel testimony through procedures outside of its enforcement program. Through bankruptcy proceedings, enforcement staff gained information for the investigation that would not have been accessible otherwise.”
There’s more, and we highly suggest you click on through and read the whole hysterical document, and when you come back, follow us after the jump for a little impromptu offseason Laff Rioting:
It gets worse. The NCAA actually had the Shapiro attorney on its payroll. "This is obviously a shocking affair, said Emmert.—
Stewart Mandel (@slmandel) January 23, 2013
Emmert says no one approved the hiring of Shapiro outside attorney; bill showed up several months later and raised questions.—
Stewart Mandel (@slmandel) January 23, 2013
Expensing my salad from Whole Foods cc: @ncaa—
Ryan Hudson (@ry_hudson) January 23, 2013
That explains all the smoke coming out about a Notice of Allegations coming, but the instance from involved parties that it wasn’t.—
John Infante (@John_Infante) January 23, 2013
The city of Miami as an ecosystem is so corrupt it corrupted the already corrupt NCAA. Take THAT in for a minute. #powers—
(@edsbs) January 23, 2013
Will NCAA self-impose penalties for improper conduct in Miami probe? Reduced on-campus visits by enforcement, no bowls for 2 years seem fair—
George Schroeder (@GeorgeSchroeder) January 23, 2013
Now the NCAA is just hoping nobody notices that "EMMERT #1" jersey for sale on eBay.—
sir broosk (@celebrityhottub) January 23, 2013
The NCAA self reporting itself will open up a wormhole. On the other end of that hole is just a big picture of Jackie Sherrill.—
Bunkie Perkins (@BunkiePerkins) January 23, 2013
The NCAA's gonna get you, Miami. They just gotta get themselves first. What an organization.—
Paul Myerberg (@PaulMyerberg) January 23, 2013
The NCAA isn't just policing amateurs.. apparently it's being run by them too.—
Bruce Feldman (@BFeldmanCBS) January 23, 2013
Mack Brown recruited Nevin Shapiro's lawyer as a defensive back—
Bobby Big Wheel (@BobbyBigWheel) January 23, 2013
How is the NCAA supposed to resist free jetski rides—
Grimey (@loljocks_grimey) January 23, 2013
Right? RT @runthedive: I can't believe this stopped the NCAA.—
Land-Grant Holy Land (@Landgrant33) January 23, 2013
If it turns out the NCAA did commit violations in its investigation of Miami, I say we fire Mark Emmert and replace him with @unclelukereal1—
Doug (@CaptainAnnoying) January 23, 2013
CRY ME A RIVER YOU OVERPAID SATRAP. RT @BryanDFischer: Mark Emmert: "I've had better days."—
@BarkingCarnival (@BarkingCarnival) January 23, 2013
One can only recommend the death penalty for the NCAA in this case.—
(@edsbs) January 23, 2013
Another while. MT @slmandel: NCAA says no NOA until "all the facts surrounding this issue are known." So it's gonna be awhile.—
Holly Anderson (@SIHolly) January 23, 2013
"I had every confidence in Investigator Horse With A Cell Phone," said Emmert. "But that confidence was misplaced."—
sir broosk (@celebrityhottub) January 23, 2013
The NCAA should go pro in something other than sports.—
Violence (@PegPelvisPete) January 23, 2013
I guess we'll never find out if Miami offered cream cheese with its bagels—
Bobby Big Wheel (@BobbyBigWheel) January 23, 2013
*Not actually said by Mark Emmert, today, at least not as far as we know, but …
It's getting hard to tell which quotes on Twitter are from the real NCAA press conference and which ones are jokes #cleverkids—
Christianne Harder (@CNHarder) January 23, 2013
"The NCAA Executive Committee expects the enforcement program to operate within approved procedures and with the highest integrity."
I think "within approved procedures" went out the window with Penn State.