Hello from the college football abyss

College football fans shall be deprived of Duck pushups for months at a time, but we shall prevail. (AP)

Good morning, dear readers, and welcome: You Are Looking Live at between seven and eight months without proper football.

[a moment's pause to allow for the removal of handkerchiefs from pockets]

For those of you who weren’t with us last offseason, a few notes on what to expect:

• Not a whole lot in the way of recruiting coverage. There are several fine folks who track the movements of 17- and 18-year-olds as though they were endangered species of sharks. We don’t really get invested in these kids until they take the field in August. The SI.com mothership will be the best place to look between now and signing day for information of this kind.
  
• Not a whole lot in the way of NFL draft coverage. Same principle: College football players are ours while they are college football players, and no longer. (One of these days we’ll write a Schrödinger’s Quarterback story about this principle.) You’ll be able to find plenty of draft coverage out front.
• Lots and lots of coverage of any scooter-related arrests that might crop up this spring and summer. Oversized elite athletes riding scooters they are frankly too large for and attempting to evade police: If it’s funny once, it’s funny every time.
• An update to the coaching carousel tracker, sometime today. Several arrivals and departures were lost in the run-up to the title game, and we cannot let this moment pass without marveling that Syracuse may be the only college team to end up losing its head coach to the NFL.
• An endless string of diversions. From now until the final depth charts out of fall camp are released, we’ll have to make our own fun, and there are only so many prop bets one can make regarding whether or not Texas will have named a starting quarterback by the Longhorns’ season opener. (That’s still a thing, right?) If you have a mascot story, blurry Instagram photo, amateur rap video, epic poem featuring Nick Saban’s pompadour, or any other piece of content with a tenuous relationship to college football that you think might help pass the time on the endless march of the offseason, send it this way and we will do our best to share it. The easiest way to contact us is in a comment thread (below) or via Twitter (over there in the right-hand sidebar).

If this all sounds sort of hopeless, just look at the punny joys that originated from a Monday night liveblog typo from an anonymous commenter, with Bama up approximately nineteen touchdowns on Notre Dame and a roomful of bored readers:

Liveblog comment: “I think Custard had better results at Little Bighorn than Notre Dame has had against Alabama tonight.”

– Holly Anderson (@SIHolly) January 8, 2013

@nastinchka Should be Custard at Little Bigwhisk. Little eggs never stood a chance. They came in as conquerors, but the yolk was on them.

– VineyardDawg (@vineyarddawg) January 8, 2013

@siholly Custard is basically undefeated for the course of human history.

– Alex(@G_Portmanteau) January 8, 2013

@nastinchka Maybe he’d eat it and get fat and slow. #science

– Eric Weber (@edweber1) January 8, 2013

@nastinchka Notre Dame’s offense hasn’t been on the field and looks all out of sync. They haven’t been able to gelatin.

– Violence (@PegPelvisPete) January 8, 2013

@siholly Alabama has been creme brûléeing Notre Dame all night.

– randy (@rscassaly) January 8, 2013

@mattcox @siholly She really should puddin’ end to it

– PG (@PGibsonKY) January 8, 2013

@nastinchka tapiocal humor

– Scott (@bearcatsah) January 8, 2013

We’ll get through this. With fortitude and pudding jokes, we’ll get through this.