MIAMI GARDENS, Fla. – With the winners and losers and MVPs already decided, we’ll move on one last time to our regularly scheduled intangible awards. Presenting 10 imaginary trophies from Alabama’s BCS title game rout:
• Best Accessorizing, Irish Division: This sequined fanny pack sported by a female Fighting Irish fan:
• Best Accessorizing, Tide Division: We don’t know this ‘Bama lady whose hands are pictured here, but we never, ever, want to take a punch from her.
• Best Dressed: Tie between Desmond Howard’s vision in lavender and the guy we spotted bagpiping away outside of Sun Life Stadium 90 minutes before kickoff. It takes a particular breed of gentleman to pull off a kilt, especially a wool one in this heat and humidity.
• Best Pregame Jinx: It was already in the grass, PAAAOWL:
If you are into turf or conspiracy theories, the grass from tonight’s game was flown in from a sod farm in Alabama. twitter.com/OrangeBowl/sta…
— Orange Bowl (@OrangeBowl) January 8, 2013
• Worst Pregame Jinx: The folks parachuting into the Orange Bowl with great difficulty seemed to presage a train wreck of a game. Not so for the second BCS game staged in South Florida this year:
— Brian Hamilton (@ChiTribHamilton) January 8, 2013
• Best course correction: He only bore responsibility for one of the Tide’s four missed field goals in last season’s first LSU-Alabama game, the loss that nearly cost ‘Bama a trip to New Orleans and a crystal football, but Jeremy Shelley closes out this season as the only FBS kicker with zero misses on either field goals or extra points. Alabama’s senior kicker went 69-for-69 on extra points and 11-for-11 on field goals this year.
• Best celebrity pile-on: Two and a half hours into the game, SI Swimsuit’s own Kate Upton offered some cold comfort:
— SI Swimsuit (@SI_Swimsuit) January 8, 2013
• Second-best streak: The Crimson Tide’s run of not having points scored against them in a national championship game was snapped at 108 minutes, seven seconds by Everett Golson’s two-yard touchdown scramble.
• Best streak: With tonight’s clobbering, Alabama becomes the first team to win back-to-back BCS titles.
• The Most Nick Saban Alabama Football Thing In Recorded Human History Trophy: Or the “‘Bama Gonna ‘Bama” Award, for short: Remember how mad Nick Saban got at media types devaluing Western Kentucky in the leadup to the Hilltoppers’ game against Alabama? And how he seethes when his backup backups allow a score in garbage time? Draw a dotted line from that to Barrett Jones and AJ McCarron scuffling with a multi-score lead, Eddie Lacy calling this one of Alabama’s first complete games all year and Saban himself saying the Tide are “behind in recruiting” minutes after hoisting the national championship trophy. ‘Bama gonna ‘Bama, and you can’t really make fun, because look at all those crystal footballs.