Twitter roundup: New Year’s Day Laff Riot

The story of one afternoon in college football’s postseason, as told through social media:

Our remedy is SMASH MOUTH FOOTBALL. But also try some CARROT JUICE. RT @optoloper: I need your best hangover remedy. It’s for a friend.

— Capital One Bowl (@CapitalOneBowl) January 1, 2013

Recipe for attendance disaster at the Heart of Dallas Bowl. 11 a.m. New Year’s kick. Lopsided matchup. Big OSU hoops game on Mon. Then rain.

— David Ubben (@davidubben) January 1, 2013

Depends, what time does it start? RT @lakebuenavista: Will you be watching the @capitalonebowl today? bit.ly/TKn0TC

— Capital One Bowl (@CapitalOneBowl) January 1, 2013

First mistake of the day by Boilers RT @carminjc: #Purdue wins the toss and defers to 2nd half. Cowboys to receive.

— Ralph D. Russo (@ralphDrussoAP) January 1, 2013

The tax staggered into the street, bleeding from his chest, as the Taxslayer threw a bloody knife into the gutter and ran.

— Bobby Big Wheel (@BobbyBigWheel) January 1, 2013

@andy_staples I KNOW WE’RE DOOMED WHY EVEN PLAY THE GAME

— mgoblog (@mgoblog) January 1, 2013

We’re all Team Cheese Fries. RT @bama_man_judd: No kidding who is team Aussie Cheese Fries?

— Andy Staples (@Andy_Staples) January 1, 2013

I don’t remember voting this guy President of the Outback

— Chris Driver (@Jerkwheatery) January 1, 2013

@jasonkirksbn It’s through a wardrobe in an English country house

— Geoff (@TheBadOne) January 1, 2013

Mike Tirico advises viewers to “be patient” with Michigan’s Outback Bowl uniforms.

— Matt Hinton (@MattRHinton) January 1, 2013

NEWRELPH TO PURPLEBUMPHIS

— Jason Kirk (@JasonKirkSBN) January 1, 2013

SMART GUY INTERCEPTION

— Brian Floyd (@BrianMFloyd) January 1, 2013

The kid trying to recover in EZ for Georgia looked as if he was trying to grab a pile of mercury.

— Ralph D. Russo (@ralphDrussoAP) January 1, 2013

Say. Our. Name. RT @btntomdienhart: A #Huskers win in @outbackbowl easily would be biggest of day for #B1G.

— Capital One Bowl (@CapitalOneBowl) January 1, 2013

Jarvis Jones plus Taylor Martinez really is a collision of two of the very finest chaos agents

— Jason Kirk (@JasonKirkSBN) January 1, 2013

Remember when Mike Gundy went onside while leading by like 49-0? He just called a throwback pass up 35-0

— Jason Kirk (@JasonKirkSBN) January 1, 2013

Would it be practical to track a statistic like “holding penalties drawn” for guys like Clowney? As Gruden says, a flag is basically a sack.

— Matt Hinton (@MattRHinton) January 1, 2013

Hide ya wife, hide ya ACLs RT @pistolsguy: Gundy is taunting Purdue fans by playing all these QBs.

— Smart Football (@smartfootball) January 1, 2013

Northwestern has TaxSlayed the bowl drought, folks. Congrats to @coachfitz51 and the team. First 10-win season since 1995 Rose Bowl team.

— Stewart Mandel (@slmandel) January 1, 2013

I would play for Pat Fitzgerald. He would regret having me on his team, but I would play for him.

— Dayn Perry (@daynperry) January 1, 2013

Nebraska emerged from the locker room in gas form and have continued to move this fast through the early third quarter twitter.com/CapitalOneBowl…

— Capital One Bowl (@CapitalOneBowl) January 1, 2013

Q: Is there an infinite plane? A: Theoretically, yes. Q: Can Connor Shaw run sideways on this plane? A: Yes.

— edsbs (@edsbs) January 1, 2013

A Michigan Man only requires 9.8 yards for a first down.

— Matt Hinton (@MattRHinton) January 1, 2013

First down.twitpic.com/brm6x4

— Chris Mottram (@ChrisMottram) January 1, 2013

Jesus Clowney Christ!

— Bunkie Perkins (@FOTProgram) January 1, 2013

Jadeveon Clowney: “Fixed that for you.”

— Alex Nobert (@alexnobert) January 1, 2013

If you believe in football gods balancing the scales, they just issued the angriest possible corrective in the Outback Bowl.

— Mobutu Sese Seko (@Mobute) January 1, 2013

Best part of that Clowney play was how far the RB’s helmet went flying. At least 5 yards. Helmet didn’t just fall off. It went AIRBORNE.

— Jimmy Traina (@JimmyTraina) January 1, 2013

I like the way Clowney just plucked the football up off the ground like, hey, this might be that guy’s spleen.

— @BarkingCarnival (@BarkingCarnival) January 1, 2013

I want an ESPN 30 for 30 that is only about that one Clowney play.

— thejuiceisgood (@thejuiceisgood) January 1, 2013

I think Clowney could pick me up by my head with one hand.

— Kaitlin (@kaitlinwithani) January 1, 2013

Jadeveon Clowney killed a man, then PALMED THE BALL. Holy GIF sbn.to/Vr0xH6

— Brian Floyd (@BrianMFloyd) January 1, 2013

Connor Shaw on 4th and 3 could mean literally anything. He might turn into a flowerpot mid-play.

— edsbs (@edsbs) January 1, 2013

Important: Connor Shaw is considered the toughest guy in his family, over a guy named Jaybo who ran the triple option.

— Steven Godfrey (@38Godfrey) January 1, 2013

It’s mentally tiny to draw any meaningful conclusions from arbitrary one off exhibition games. Base it on arbitrary *championship* games.

— Luke Zimmermann (@lukezim) January 1, 2013

First thought after the win: in #TDKR Batman when Catwoman disappears as he’s talking, “So that’s what that feels like.”

— Bo Cisek (@DaDoze55) January 1, 2013

Happy New Year. Love, College Football

— SB Nation (@sbnation) January 1, 2013