ACC-Big East-Big Ten realignment: A special edition Laff Riot Twitter wrap

While covering the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party last month, we spotted this baby turtle making its way to the ocean. It took forever. We named it Steve. We had no idea what omens we were witnessing.

Greetings. Realignment has reared its big stupid head in the middle of our precious football season. From College Park this afternoon:

“The Big Ten Council of Presidents/Chancellors (COP/C) announced unanimous approval today for the University of Maryland to join the Big Ten Conference effective July 1, 2014, with competition to begin in all sports for the 2014-15 academic year. The University of Maryland also looks forward to joining the Committee on Institutional Cooperation (CIC), a consortium of world-class research institutions dedicated to advancing their academic missions.”

Rutgers is expected to decamp for the Increasingly Inaccurately Named Big Ten this week as well. Pete Thamel, Andy Staples and Michael Rosenberg have more. We, the internet, have jokes. And now, the story of a quick conference square-dance, as told through the magic of social media:

Meyer on Maryland “No. Gene approached me yesterday and was the first time I ever heard of it. I said ‘what?’”

— Land-Grant Holy Land (@Landgrant33) November 19, 2012

You know a league is vulnerable when its wiki page has sections titled “Instability” and “Continuing Instability.” — bit.ly/ZZrtBQ

— Gary Parrish (@GaryParrishCBS) November 19, 2012

In trying to confirm Maryland, Rutgers talking to the Big Ten I have received some rather interesting answers, such as “I have no idea why.”

— Ralph D. Russo (@ralphDrussoAP) November 17, 2012

The ACC built a $50 million turtle fence that doesn’t work

— Will Brinson (@willbrinson) November 19, 2012

Said it Sunday, but worth saying again: If adding UMD means we can reset terrible division names, it may be worth it.

— Eleven Warriors (@11W) November 19, 2012

@slmandel That would be better than Legends and Leaders.

— jeffshelman (@jeffshelman) November 17, 2012

“In this #B1G Ten, you will find a new definition of pain and suffering as you are slowly digested over a thousand years.”

— Robinson Meyer (@yayitsrob) November 19, 2012

Desperate people scavenging the Rust Belt – the next Cormac McCarthy novel or the future of the ACC?

— The Gurgling Cod (@TheGurglingCod) November 18, 2012

By chasing two mediocre schools near major ports, we may now confirm that the B1G is a cover for methamphetamine empire.

— edsbs (@edsbs) November 17, 2012

THE LIVINGSOCIAL DEAL FOR MARYLAND ATHLETICS WAS TOO GOOD FOR JIM DELANY TO PASS UP.

— THE KEY PLAY (@thekeyplay) November 18, 2012

If the Big Ten gets all those NYC TV sets, we can probably give Kirk Ferentz the raise he deserves.

— Patrick Vint (@HS_BHGP) November 17, 2012

Jim Delany must be the worst to play Monopoly with. “Marvin Gardens is a railroad now.”

— sir broosk (@celebrityhottub) November 17, 2012

I can’t wait for the future Iowa-Mayland rivalry game for The AIRBHG/AMQBHG Trophy.

— Bryan Fischer (@BryanDFischer) November 19, 2012

As part of the agreement to accept Maryland, the entire Big Ten now has torn multiple knee ligaments.

— Patrick Southern (@patricksouthern) November 19, 2012

#B1G tossed aside MONTHS of tradition by moving Illinois from Leaders Division to Legends. It’s like those names don’t even mean anything.

— Doug (@CaptainAnnoying) November 19, 2012

Assuming the trophy Maryland & Purdue will be playing for annually will be called “The Terraboil.” Appropriate.

— Ramzy Nasrallah (@ramzy) November 19, 2012

The next person to explain the “New York TV market” to me has to watch Michigan State-Maryland

— Jason Kirk (@JasonKirkSBN) November 17, 2012

don’t trust jim delaney sometimes he asks for a water cup at panera and puts coke zero in there

— Martin Rickman (@martinrickman) November 19, 2012

Maryland is just such an ACC school. Mental route to “UMD=B1G” is going to take longer than with Nebraska, Mizzou or any other move.

— Matt Hinton (@MattRHinton) November 19, 2012

Who left & came back. RT @mcmurphyespn: Note from @mike_vorkunov Of Big East’s 8 football members in 2003, 7 are gone. Only Temple remains

— Bryan Fischer (@BryanDFischer) November 19, 2012

At today’s presser, Delany, etc., will say this is about academic and cultural fit, blah, blah, blah. He should just print a cable bill.

— Stewart Mandel (@slmandel) November 19, 2012

When Jim Delany starts adding Italian soccer teams, we’ll then say he went too far.

— BurritoBrosShits (@BurritoBrosShit) November 19, 2012

Has the ACC considered Oxford? Would expand the footprint AND bring a whole new meaning to “Atlantic Coast Conference.”

— David Ubben (@davidubben) November 19, 2012

AT LEAST MARYLAND PLAYERS CAN TRANSFER TO ACC SCHOOLS NOW.

— THE KEY PLAY (@thekeyplay) November 19, 2012

The B1G is playing Settlers of Catan. Never mind that it just built settlements on a 2 and a 12 because in doing so it got the Longest Road.

— Heiko Yang (@Heiko25) November 19, 2012

Big Ten should just have guest teams each year.

— edsbs (@edsbs) November 19, 2012

I’m across the country, everyone stay safe back east w/ the crazy Rutgers parades breaking out in NY. #ScarletTown

— The Solid Verbal (@SolidVerbal) November 19, 2012

Give this to Maryland prez Wallace Loh. He didn’t even give the usual lip service. Kicked presser off by saying it was about money.

— Andy Staples (@Andy_Staples) November 19, 2012

“Culturally, President Loh, do you see Maryland as more Atlantic or Leaderly?”

— Vico (@ourhonordefend) November 19, 2012

I had a turtle once, too, Big Ten. You’ll forget to feed it, just like I did.

— sir broosk (@celebrityhottub) November 19, 2012

I’ll give Jim Delany credit. He managed to steal headlines in the middle of BCS title race when his teams have been out of it for months

— Mark Schlabach (@Mark_Schlabach) November 19, 2012

Loh makes clear money driving force behind B1G move: “We’re still living paycheck to paycheck.”

— Jeremy Fowler (@JFowlerCBS) November 19, 2012

Loh: “The member ship of the Big Ten enables us to guarantee the financial sustainability of Md. athletics for a long, long, long time.”

— Patrick Stevens (@D1scourse) November 19, 2012

WaPo must stay in the ACC. RT @insidemdsports: Reporter: “When and where was the meeting and why wasn’t the media invited?” Really?

— Land-Grant Holy Land (@Landgrant33) November 19, 2012

Careful: they bite. RT @espn_bigtenJim Delany: “We embrace the turtle today.”

— Tom McGrath (@TCMcG) November 19, 2012

We laugh at the Big Ten on New year’s Day, and make jokes about bowl losses, and Delany shrugs and continues to build an empire.

— Ralph D. Russo (@ralphDrussoAP) November 19, 2012

Conference realignment is starting to remind me of when my mom bought Beanie Babies as collector’s items.

— Rick Muscles (@RickMuscles) November 19, 2012