A Thousand Points of Spite: Week 10 awards

Assorted bests and worsts from college football’s week that was:

• Best throwback (see what we did there?): Can’t go wrong with a classic, can we, Aaron Murray?

• Unofficial Heisman winner of our hearts: AJ McCarron, but not for the football-related reasons you might think. No, Alabama’s quarterback won our undying allegiance much earlier in the day, after dropping this little number on GameDay:

AJ McCarron to ESPN on handling wrath of Saban: “I always mess with him. I always say it kind of makes you feel as small as him.”

— Jon Solomon (@jonsol) November 3, 2012

• Saddest coaching development: Being reportedly already deprived of the can’t-miss combo of John Calipari and Bobby Petrino operating at the same school. Football’s trickster gods are capricious and cruel and NEVER WANT US TO HAVE ANY FUN.

• Closest call we didn’t even know was a close call at the time:

Upon further review, No. 2 Chris Brown and No. 2 Bennett Jackson were both on the field when Pitt kicker Harper missed the game-winner.

— Irish Illustrated (@NDatRivals) November 4, 2012

If the Irish had been flagged (they were called for this against Purdue for double No. 15′s), it would have been first down Pitt.

— Irish Illustrated (@NDatRivals) November 4, 2012

• Nick Florence Award: Putting up monstrous numbers in a loss this week (and last week, actually): Marqise Lee, with 251 kick return yards against Oregon.

• Most welcome and feared reversal of fortune: We have pretty much been waiting for this to tear our West Coast family and friends apart for like six weeks now, and it’s finally here, with UCLA outranking USC for the first time since 2001. (It’s only a fun rivalry if the other team gets to swing back, y’all.)

• Best imaginary bowl bids: Who wouldn’t love to see an Aggies-Longhorns Cotton Bowl or a postseason Backyard Brawl? Haters, probably.

• Grape Job, Big Bunch Edition: This week’s Grape Job! sticker is awarded to Hebert the Elder, for getting himself tossed out of the Death Valley press box, and Hebert the Younger, for going on about Les Miles’ 20-sided-die playcalling like it is a new and surprising development. (Friend of the program Run Home Jack, on Bobby: “AT LEAST HE’S NOT A BLOGGER.”) Taking the top spot for Week 11 on our LSU parent-child tandem leaderboard: The mother-daughter beer pong team spotted by Andy Staples before the game.

• Funnest fakeout: Had to make another best bamboozling category just so we didn’t have to leave out Cincinnati’s jump pass:

[HT: Chris Brown and the Russell Athletic Bowl, which is liking your moves, Bearcats.]

• Best new gameday drink. Let it not be said that the Tennessee-Troy game was good for nothing but gray hairs and broken records.

Derek Dooley’s angry cane smash is my new favorite picture in the history of ever: twitter.com/wesrucker247/s…

— Wes Rucker (@wesrucker247) November 4, 2012

Inspired by this photo and a favorite cocktail, the Dooley Smash: Jack Daniels, orange bitters, clementine slices, cane syrup and mint. How much Jack? How much have you got?