Posted October 17, 2012

The Switzies: Johnny Football tops our second annual midseason awards

Arkansas Razorbacks, Big 12, Boise State Broncos, BYU Cougars, FAT GUY TOUCHDOWNS, Florida Gators, Foodstuffs, Friendship Touchdowns, Johnny Football, Lee Corso, Oregon Ducks, The Switzies, Utah Utes

Our 10 imaginary trophies celebrating on- and off-field favorites at the season’s midpoint. The Switzies are named for former Oklahoma coach Barry Switzer, patron saint of college football frolicking. For more midseason content, check out our Crystal Ball staff predictions, midseason All-America Team, podcast roundtable and Halfway Heisman.

• Best new toy. Johnny Manziel, QB, Texas A&M. He arrived on the national scene in a shirtless mugshot in the 2012 preseason, won the starting job for the Aggies as a redshirt freshman and then, wonder of wonders, turned out to be really good at football things. He stars in our Midseason Play of the Year, Defense (And Offense) (At The Same Damn Time), along with Christine Michael and Louisiana Tech’s Chip Hester and Mike Schrang:

• Midseason Play of the Year, Just Offense. This Bryan Bennett and Colt Lyerla touchdown raised a crucial question: Can scoring stats be split like sacks?

• Midseason Play of the Year, Special Teams. Matt Elam, we admire your enthusiasm almost as much as the fact that you cannot seem to control where that enthusiasm leads:

• Best Fat Guy Touchdown. Boise State nose tackle Mike “Bacon” Atkinson, returning a Riley Nelson pick (he even had to jump to get it!) for the only score the Broncos would manage — or need — against BYU:

• Best Pregame Memory.

• Best Ad. No individual school’s commercial came close to this marvel of a Big 12 heartstrings-tugger:

If you ever find out the coaches didn’t write their own dialogue for this performance, don’t tell us. We don’t want to know.

• Fan of the Year, Individual. Arkansas partisan LIZHONEY2U, we salute you:

She really does have a nice voice.

• Fan of the Year, Group. The Utah student section [which was overrun by the Utah student section making an early entrance]:

• Best New Social Media Follow, Talking Heads Category. We were deeply saddened to see the WWL break up our Friday night Joe Tessitore-Rod Gilmore magic, but we have to admit that Gilmore’s new partner Carter Blackburn has won us over:

• Best Worst New Foodstuff. Still marveling at this Ragin’ Cajuns-logoed burger constructed by Sonic from unknown methods of sorcery:

Still never, ever gonna order one.

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