Twitter Roundup: Week 5 Laff Riot

Tracking the zeitgeist of college football’s fourth weekend through social media (for entertainment purposes only):

On Twitter, every high-scoring game is bad defense, every low-scoring game bad offense. No one is good at anything in college football.

— Stewart Mandel (@slmandel) September 29, 2012

My kingdom for an MSU fan to answer a marriage proposal with “Next question…” on GameDay

— Brian Floyd (@BrianMFloyd) September 29, 2012

I really want to ask John L. Smith for medical advice. I bet he uses the word “crystals” at least six times.

— sir broosk (@celebrityhottub) September 29, 2012

Clemson at BC is like giving Tigers tray full of hot soup and skates. They don’t HAVE to put the skates on, but they’re thinking about it

— Ralph D. Russo (@ralphDrussoAP) September 28, 2012

@inthebleachers Turn on the Weather Channel.Maybe they’re running scores on the bottom of their screen

— Scot (@hophead68) September 29, 2012

For two games he was. But then he played the next two games. RT @runthedive: “BJ Daniels has been a bright spot” Ummm. What?

— Bill Connelly (@SBN_BillC) September 29, 2012

“Don’t get infected with success.” — Brian Kelly. Ewwwww!

— SC_DougFarrar (@SC_DougFarrar) September 29, 2012

I’m 75% more of a man when I drive on Paul W. Bryant drive.

— Rick Muscles (@RickMuscles) September 30, 2012

Eventually a hot girl will approach me about the awesomeness of my koozie, and then BAM, wedding bells.lockerz.com/s/248823601

— Josh Massey (@joshmassey1) September 29, 2012

MTSU is not practing good sportmanship by running up the score on Georgia Tech

— Chris Semones (@Lowcountrydawg) September 29, 2012

Like, more than his usual amount? RT @thekeyplay: IF GEORGIA TECH LOSES, THE ACC SHOULD FORCE FEED PAUL JOHNSON GASOLINE.

— Jason Kirk (@JasonKirkSBN) September 29, 2012

Stephen Morris throws an interception. Miami no longer on pace to beat NC State 120-28.

— Ben Glicksman (@BenGlicksman) September 29, 2012

@slmandel @bfeldmancbs Johnny Manziel 557 total yards today. Ranked 4th among the noon games.

— Neil Davis (@neildavis211) September 29, 2012

This A&M offense with Johnny Manziell is wild. Street ball Airraid. They are going to drop 50 on some SEC team, and get blanked in another

— Smart Football (@smartfootball) September 29, 2012

@siholly the B1G is to college football what Michael Jordan is to….college football

— Sparty (@STLSparty) September 29, 2012

Braxton Miller is 3 quarters away from needing the Robocop procedure.

— Land-Grant Holy Land (@Landgrant33) September 29, 2012

Ughhhhh stop devaluing LaTech’s nonconference schedule, Illinois.

— Holly Anderson (@SIHolly) September 29, 2012

Tennessee is like a team that just is begging for people to block them and then they just want to hang out w/ blockers & chill w/ them.

— Michael Felder (@InTheBleachers) September 29, 2012

I have a theory that you can run on Tennessee

— Grimey (@loljocks_grimey) September 29, 2012

Munchie is eating out of Bud Foster’s lunch pail.

— Rick Muscles (@RickMuscles) September 29, 2012

Touchdown Tennessee. (Aside: Given the preferred SEC narrative, what do we call a 1st half with 50 points?) #defensivestruggle

— George Schroeder (@GeorgeSchroeder) September 29, 2012

“Just The ‘TENN’ Of Us…gah… VOL In The Family…” – Tim Brando, fishing through a box of VHS tapes with “IDEA BIN” scrawled on the side.

— Matt Repchak (@MattRepchak) September 29, 2012

I BET WHEN BRYAN STINESPRING PLAYS STARCRAFT HE MASSES 80 HYDRAS AND DOESN’T UNDERSTAND WHY HE LOSES.

— THE KEY PLAY (@thekeyplay) September 29, 2012

Brother, have we got some great news for you! RT @natekelley15: God I cant take another year of the Champs Sports Bowl

— RussellAthleticBowl (@RussellAthBowl) September 29, 2012

What would be cool is if FSU lost and everyone who liked them felt bad.

— Mobutu Sese Seko (@Mobute) September 30, 2012

Kentucky is up 17-7 late in the first half and the ball coach is probably about ready to bench Jesse Palmer or something.

— Ralph D. Russo (@ralphDrussoAP) September 30, 2012

Coach Spurrier lost his mind going for it on 4th down.

— Rich Brooks (@UKcoachbrooks) September 30, 2012

ONLY CAUSE BEARS OVERSIGN RT @38godfrey: “Head on” is usually an ill-fated tactic vs. bears, various African predators and Bama.

— sir broosk (@celebrityhottub) September 30, 2012

Um, about that hashtag. RT @coach_riley: How bout them Beavers!!!!!Huge guts, never ever give up! #BeaverJuice

— Andy Staples (@Andy_Staples) September 30, 2012

Bummer Texas and Texas A&M don’t play this year, Ash vs. Manziel sounds like it would be fun to see who out moxies each other.

— Bryan Fischer (@BryanDFischer) September 30, 2012

All Ole Miss needs now are two TDs, two defensive stops and the black rain of fire signaling the end of days.

— Steven Godfrey (@38Godfrey) September 30, 2012

4th down and Vancouver B.C here at CenturyLink

— Brian Floyd (@BrianMFloyd) September 30, 2012

Wonder if they would give me an employee discount on a football phone. twitter.com/Andy_Staples/s…

— Andy Staples (@Andy_Staples) September 30, 2012

Word that Bob Davie never made up in his TV career but that I feel like he should have: “Disrumptive.”

— Holly Anderson (@SIHolly) September 30, 2012

Almost cruel watching the Ducks bat around their prey for 30 minutes every week before digging in. Ducks don’t even have paws

— Jason Kirk (@JasonKirkSBN) September 30, 2012