A Thousand Points of Spite: Week 1 awards

Assorted bests and worsts from college football’s opening weekend:

Desmond Howard’s fashion sense was on full display this week on GameDay. (Image courtesy of Keri Potts, ESPN)

• Best dressed (individual). Desmond Howard took full advantage of the last Saturday in August to rock a white suit before Labor Day. Knowing the weather patterns around Dallas this time of year, Howard’s compatriots were surely envying his cooler selection by 10 a.m. or so.

• Best dressed (couple). Lulu and Junior, you’ve been replaced. Thank you for your service and meet your successors:

@jaysonswain from the game on Friday. This is a middle aged couple. twitter.com/kyleRbryant/st…

— Kyle Bryant (@kyleRbryant) September 2, 2012

• Best air show. The NCAA single-game passing record was eclipsed Saturday by Division III quarterback Sam Durley of Eureka College, who completed 34-of-52 passes for 736 yards. Best of all, he wasn’t keeping track: “I thought maybe high 300s.”

• Best entrance. With all the special effects employed in major college football these days, we are honestly amazed this kind of thing doesn’t happen more often:

Quite possibly the most Miss St pre-game entrance ever! Just missing a ginger wearing jorts whilst ringing a cowbell.. twitter.com/_BlakeEddins/s…

— Blake Eddins (@_BlakeEddins) September 3, 2012

• Best lead-in programming. FX’s airing of Armageddon immediately prior to West Virginia-Marshall set the perfect tone for an action-packed thrill ride in Morgantown. If we may, a future matchup suggestion:

YES. “@sketchwerk: A Kentucky-Miami matchup would be more appropriate. “@siholly: Marshall-WFV on FX, the network of Raylan Givens.”

— Holly Anderson (@SIHolly) September 1, 2012

• Saddest snapped streak. Boise State, prevented by Michigan State from scoring an offensive touchdown in a game for the first time since 1997.

• Spiciest spite. Big East associate commissioner Nick Carparelli, we like you a whole lot:

The #BigEast will be a better football conference on the field next year than it has ever been!

— Nick Carparelli (@NickCarparelli) September 2, 2012

• Best celebrity endorsement. We’ve been trying all weekend to get to a joke worked up for this, but are really just too jealous that the Bulldogs are one degree closer to Snakes on a Plane than we are to properly function. Grudging congratulations, Georgians, [something something Mark Richt has lost control of  Mace Windu something].

• Best use of technology. FOX’s halftime show appears to orbit games on its network from some sort of magical airship, a technological innovation we thought only Larry Scott was capable of:

FOX has a hell of a CFB halftime set, monitors make it look like they are actually on site (h/t @siholly) twitpic.com/aq2349

— CJ Fogler (@cjzero) September 1, 2012

• Best dancer. Derek Dooley, executing a breathtaking Hugh-Grant-in-Love-Actually shuffle down the sidelines in the fourth quarter of Tennessee-NC State.

• Earthiest display of football enthusiasm. As witnessed by Samantha Steele:

Lady next to me in public restroom tonight flushes toilet, says #RollTide … I don’t know if that’s gross or awesome @collegegameday

— Samantha Steele (@Samantha_Steele) September 1, 2012

• Best new ad. The Big 12 clearly allowed its coaches to write their own dialogue for this one: