Posted September 03, 2012

A Thousand Points of Spite: Week 1 awards

Alabama Crimson Tide, Awards, Big 12, Big East, Boise State Broncos, Derek Dooley, ESPN, Flights of Ridiculous Whimsy, Georgia Bulldogs, Mark Richt Has Lost Control Of This Category Tag, Marshall Thundering Herd, Michigan State Spartans, Mississippi State Bulldogs, Monday Awards, Tennessee Volunteers, TV Networks, Twitter, West Virginia Mountaineers, YouTube

Assorted bests and worsts from college football’s opening weekend:

Desmond Howard’s fashion sense was on full display this week on GameDay. (Image courtesy of Keri Potts, ESPN)

Best dressed (individual). Desmond Howard took full advantage of the last Saturday in August to rock a white suit before Labor Day. Knowing the weather patterns around Dallas this time of year, Howard’s compatriots were surely envying his cooler selection by 10 a.m. or so.

Best dressed (couple). Lulu and Junior, you’ve been replaced. Thank you for your service and meet your successors:

Best air show. The NCAA single-game passing record was eclipsed Saturday by Division III quarterback Sam Durley of Eureka College, who completed 34-of-52 passes for 736 yards. Best of all, he wasn’t keeping track: “I thought maybe high 300s.”

Best entrance. With all the special effects employed in major college football these days, we are honestly amazed this kind of thing doesn’t happen more often:

Best lead-in programming. FX’s airing of Armageddon immediately prior to West Virginia-Marshall set the perfect tone for an action-packed thrill ride in Morgantown. If we may, a future matchup suggestion:

Saddest snapped streak. Boise State, prevented by Michigan State from scoring an offensive touchdown in a game for the first time since 1997.

Spiciest spite. Big East associate commissioner Nick Carparelli, we like you a whole lot:

Best celebrity endorsement. We’ve been trying all weekend to get to a joke worked up for this, but are really just too jealous that the Bulldogs are one degree closer to Snakes on a Plane than we are to properly function. Grudging congratulations, Georgians, [something something Mark Richt has lost control of  Mace Windu something].

Best use of technology. FOX’s halftime show appears to orbit games on its network from some sort of magical airship, a technological innovation we thought only Larry Scott was capable of:

Best dancer. Derek Dooley, executing a breathtaking Hugh-Grant-in-Love-Actually shuffle down the sidelines in the fourth quarter of Tennessee-NC State.

Earthiest display of football enthusiasm. As witnessed by Samantha Steele:

Best new ad. The Big 12 clearly allowed its coaches to write their own dialogue for this one:

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