A Thousand Points of Spite: Week 1 awards
Assorted bests and worsts from college football’s opening weekend:
• Best dressed (individual). Desmond Howard took full advantage of the last Saturday in August to rock a white suit before Labor Day. Knowing the weather patterns around Dallas this time of year, Howard’s compatriots were surely envying his cooler selection by 10 a.m. or so.
• Best dressed (couple). Lulu and Junior, you’ve been replaced. Thank you for your service and meet your successors:
— Kyle Bryant (@kyleRbryant) September 2, 2012
• Best air show. The NCAA single-game passing record was eclipsed Saturday by Division III quarterback Sam Durley of Eureka College, who completed 34-of-52 passes for 736 yards. Best of all, he wasn’t keeping track: “I thought maybe high 300s.”
• Best entrance. With all the special effects employed in major college football these days, we are honestly amazed this kind of thing doesn’t happen more often:
Quite possibly the most Miss St pre-game entrance ever! Just missing a ginger wearing jorts whilst ringing a cowbell.. twitter.com/_BlakeEddins/s…
— Blake Eddins (@_BlakeEddins) September 3, 2012
• Best lead-in programming. FX’s airing of Armageddon immediately prior to West Virginia-Marshall set the perfect tone for an action-packed thrill ride in Morgantown. If we may, a future matchup suggestion:
— Holly Anderson (@SIHolly) September 1, 2012
• Saddest snapped streak. Boise State, prevented by Michigan State from scoring an offensive touchdown in a game for the first time since 1997.
• Spiciest spite. Big East associate commissioner Nick Carparelli, we like you a whole lot:
#BigEast will be a better football conference on the field next year than it has ever been!
— Nick Carparelli (@NickCarparelli) September 2, 2012
• Best celebrity endorsement. We’ve been trying all weekend to get to a joke worked up for this, but are really just too jealous that the Bulldogs are one degree closer to Snakes on a Plane than we are to properly function. Grudging congratulations, Georgians, [something something Mark Richt has lost control of Mace Windu something].
• Best use of technology. FOX’s halftime show appears to orbit games on its network from some sort of magical airship, a technological innovation we thought only Larry Scott was capable of:
— CJ Fogler (@cjzero) September 1, 2012
• Best dancer. Derek Dooley, executing a breathtaking Hugh-Grant-in-Love-Actually shuffle down the sidelines in the fourth quarter of Tennessee-NC State.
• Earthiest display of football enthusiasm. As witnessed by Samantha Steele:
— Samantha Steele (@Samantha_Steele) September 1, 2012
• Best new ad. The Big 12 clearly allowed its coaches to write their own dialogue for this one: