Tweets of the night: Thursday Laff Riot

The story of opening night 2012, in tweet form: 

Gamecocks, we knew that eventually you’d have to play another game, in another city. We knew this day would come. It just hurts, is all.

— Capital One Bowl (@CapitalOneBowl) August 31, 2012

Nothing like watching two offenses work out the kinks in a driving rain.

— Andy Staples (@Andy_Staples) August 30, 2012

The first false start of the 2012 college football season comes from Guy Matched Up Against Jadeveon Clowney. Makes sense!

— SB Nation (@sbnation) August 30, 2012

…and then Clowney was all like, “Cthulhu!”

— Steven Godfrey (@38Godfrey) August 30, 2012

Q: So #7 for South Carolina is good? A: That’s a Clowney question, bro.

— Pat Forde (@YahooForde) August 30, 2012

Eleventy penalties and two turnovers in eight minutes. It’s okay, SC and Vandy. Somebody had to go first.

— Bill Connelly (@SBN_BillC) August 30, 2012

TOBC already has a SID painting Connor Shaw’s face on some Titleist V1′s to smack around at Augusta National tomorrow.

— vadimivich (@vadimivich) August 30, 2012

FIRE UP TYING THE GAME AGAINST A 1-AA TEAM

— Chris Driver (@Jerkwheatery) August 30, 2012

#MACtion RT @hustlebelt: This actually happened: Kent State punted, recovered the fumble and ran 50 yards THE WRONG WAY.

— Tom Fornelli (@TomFornelli) August 31, 2012

The best part: UCLA can’t just go for two every time, because that’s Lane Kiffin’s thing.

— Jason Kirk (@JasonKirkSBN) August 31, 2012

Jordan Rodgers looks like the 1st candidate for All SEC QB who would wear a fedora to a press conference.

— Rick Muscles (@RickMuscles) August 31, 2012

Connor Shaw always lands like he’s in a video game with a malfunctioning physics engine.

— edsbs (@edsbs) August 31, 2012

Connor Shaw’s got a big old set of Lesticles. Throws like my Memaw but homeboy’s tough as nails

— Will West (@WillWestWNML) August 31, 2012

Dr. Lane Kiffin informs me that, fortunately, that’s Connor Shaw’s non-gas pumping shoulder.

— sir broosk (@celebrityhottub) August 31, 2012

In fairness to the ref on that pass interference non-call, he is legally blind. Inspiring story.

— Matt Hinton (@MattRHinton) August 31, 2012

Old Spurrier woulda thrown towards the endzone instead of the victory formation

— CAPS LOCKA FLAME (@matt_T) August 31, 2012

@siholly @edsbs Bronco Mendenhall graduated from the Gene Chizik school of fashion with that dentist jacket #itsbecomingathing

— Josh (@JoshuaBBlack) August 31, 2012

“Hang on, I’ve got to get home to watch Washington State football,” said a lot of people for the first time ever tonight.

— Greg Tepper (@Tepper) August 31, 2012

Y’all sports commentators are the worst when it comes to lookin right on camera. Stop tryin to be cute with your pocket squares!

— Kaitlin (@kaitlinwithani) August 31, 2012

Great coach once told me close win in week 1 is best scenario. Go back and coach ‘em up and keep ‘em grounded

— Mark Schlabach (@Mark_Schlabach) August 31, 2012

This is why we love The Head Ball Coach: Spurrier on Vandy: “They don’t have any slow dudes like they used to.”"

— Tony Barnhart (@MrCFB) August 31, 2012

Jay Stricherz and Matt Millen are just trying to cancel out Leach and JoeTess but THEY WILL NOT.

— Bryan Fischer (@BryanDFischer) August 31, 2012

Umass: 0 points, three first downs, 59 total yards. So the FBS transition will take a while.

— Pat Forde (@YahooForde) August 31, 2012

DAMN YOU BYU STOP PICKING UP FIRST DOWNS. WE WANT PIRATE OFFENSE.

— WRNL (@WideRtNattyLt) August 31, 2012

Leach is actually discussing quantum physics with the ref. Just wanted to spice things up.

— Brian Floyd (@BrianMFloyd) August 31, 2012

I hope Leach isn’t too hard on his offense at halftime. A good carpenter never blames his Tuels.

— Doug (@CaptainAnnoying) August 31, 2012

YO, WAZZU DON’T WANT NO PARTS OF BYU & THEIR “HALF OF US ARE MARRIED & WE MIGHT GOT KIDS” OLD MAN STRUNGTH

— Michael Felder (@InTheBleachers) August 31, 2012

in the future on the west coast if you don’t go for it on fourth down you’ll be entered in a forest death match

— Martin Rickman (@MartinRickman) August 31, 2012

BYU has more personal fouls than missed tackles.

— Voodoo Five (@usfvoodoo5) August 31, 2012

#UnbeLeachable RT @joey_powell: @inthebleachers #Leachdown #LeachEmUp #LeachableMoment

— Michael Felder (@InTheBleachers) August 31, 2012

Love this pic!!! @mcneesesports twitter.com/McNeeseFootbal… — McNeese Football (@McNeeseFootball) August 31, 2012

Can we all just admit it would be cool if losing to McNeese St and E. Washington meant Middle Tennessee St and Idaho got relegated to FCS? — Dan Weiner (@DanWeiner) August 31, 2012

Mike Leach after 30-6 loss: “If you really wanted to see us play well, you should have been there for Monday’s practice.”

— Stewart Mandel (@slmandel) August 31, 2012

17 minutes into this game and MInnesota and UNLV have combined for 156 yards of offense, 2 turnovers, 6 penalties and are 1/9 on 3rd down.

— Tom Fornelli (@TomFornelli) August 31, 2012

UNLV’s pants and helmets are a very weird taupe color but they managedto get them the EXACT SAME weird taupe color, so good job guys. — stefanielaine (@stefanielaine) August 31, 2012

Midway through the second quarter, Minnesota pulls ahead of the University of Circus Circus. — sir broosk (@celebrityhottub) August 31, 2012

“Ok, you can have college football back but here’s UNLV-Minnesota going to OT bwhaha.” — Football gods.

— Bryan Fischer (@BryanDFischer) August 31, 2012

Thinking of ranking Minnesota next week based on the kicker doing laps around the field.

— Matt Hinton (@MattRHinton) August 31, 2012

How many overtimes are too many overtimes when one team is Minnesota and the other is UNLV and it’s 2:45 on the East Coast?

— Paul Myerberg (@PreSnapRead) August 31, 2012