Designated Read: Alan Menken presents the Buckeyes

Ohio State football coach Francis Schmidt leads practice in 1938: twitter.com/si_vault/statu…

— Andy Gray (@si_vault) August 21, 2012

Tell us these guys don’t look like they’re about three seconds away from all breaking into song.

• Everything about college football recruiting remains anywhere from vaguely to outright creepy. From the pros to the rest of us.

• What does Collin Klein look for in a date? “Someone just like my mom,” he said “–but younger.”

• Gross. Something about the NCAA’s PR machine invoking the Alabama tornadoes here to burnish its image as a benevolent oligarchy makes us extremely uncomfortable.

• Corwin Brown update. The former Notre Dame assistant has received a four-year suspended sentence following his arrest on domestic battery charges.

• Injury report story hour. We are absolutely through making jokes about Angry Iowa Running Back Hating God, because he/she is clearly real and clearly very, very upset with humanity.

Barkley Hill’s injury happened on a TD run that was going to be the last play of the scrimmage. AIRBHG is real

— Brian Floyd (@BrianMFloyd) August 21, 2012

COME ON.

• Roster blotter. Reports that Texas has named a starting quarterback are clearly part of an elaborate prank designed to entertain us through the waning offseason … Steele Jantz will start at QB for Iowa State, which we love because STEELE JANTZ … Josh Nunes is your Stanford starting QB, looking very Stanfordish … Texas Tech dismisses LB Daniel Cobb … Buffalo suspends LB Khalil Mack … Florida State DT Jacobbi McDaniel will likely take a medical redshirt year … and Alabama’s put long snapper Carson Tinker on scholarship, leading to a scene we would pay dearly to have seen:

Bama’s Carson Tinker on being awarded a scholarship: “I gave Coach Saban a hug- not sure he liked that.” @carsontink #carsontinker

— Rick Karle (@RickKarle) August 22, 2012

• Misc.   Chris Brown at Grantland is pretty much always an auto-rec from us … Tom O’Brien gets a little saucypants … Penn State disappears a certain few names from its Lift 4 Life board … an Oklahoma child suffers insults to his Michigan man-ness … Watts Dantzler remains a national treasure … Bret Bielema, doing Bret Bielema things … and accept the Nickelback College Football Highlight Challenge at your own peril.