Posted August 20, 2012

Designated Read: The poll dance is a sad samba

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USC tops the preseason AP poll, which means we get to use this photo of Lane Kiffin again. (AP)

• Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Hey, American Gladiators is on! Ow. The Associated Press preseason Top 25 has been released, for whatever that’s worth. And while we’re on the topic of whatever that’s worth, a gentle reminder: Preseason polls are worth a good time-killing argument, plus a bonus argument over the usefulness of the poll’s actual existence in the case of the Coaches’ Poll, and that is all. Would you like to hear our argument? It’s a good one! Here goes: We think there’s a better than even chance Ohio goes undefeated this year (that’s the Ohio Bobcats, because would you look at that schedule), and not a single poll voter gave the Bobcats a single poll vote. (We do not have a vote, and that is a good thing, because these rankings would take forever to do well and we would rather be making jokes. If you would like to peruse the votes of the folks who actually do this thing, here they are.)

• Starkville down a top Dawg. Mississippi State wide receivers coach Angelo Mirando announced his resignation Sunday night for non-specified personal issues, which the Clarion-Ledger’s Brandon Marcello reports are not issues of the legal type.

• Those Ds were his Ds. Julius Peppers speaks out on the unfortunate publicizing of his college transcript.

• Back to school. Chris Brown has written many words on the Sluggo Seam that you should read.

Injury report story hour. Utah quarterback Jordan Wynn is scheduled to return to practice today … Michigan defensive tackle Ondre Pipkins is up and about after a spinal injury scare … Iowa defensive lineman John Sawhill is giving up football due to injury concerns … Iowa presents another injured running back, right on schedule … and Tennessee’s tight ends are already lined up over a haunted burial ground of some sort, so just try not to jinx the rest of the Vols’ offense.

• We’ve got movement on the freight elevator. Will Muschamp is taking the Texas approach to his quarterback race … Danny O’Brien will start for Wisconsin … and the excellently named Gary Nova gets the starting QB nod at Rutgers.

• Roster blotter. Jovon Robinson is ineligible to play for Auburn this season … Oklahoma defensive tackle Stacy McGee has been suspended indefinitely, robbing us of many fine opportunities to chant “DEE TEE MCGEE” … South Carolina suspensions are hipster suspensions … it may shock you to learn Seantrel Henderson is not expected to play in Miami’s season opener … Ohio State defensive lineman Adam Bellamy is not currently part of the Buckeyes football team … Florida receiver Ja’Juan Story is transferring to TCU … Akron receiver Jared Fagnano is making the rare transfer move to Penn State … Texas receiver DeSean Hales is hanging up his cleats but staying with the team in an assistant capacity … Tennessee running back Davante Bourque is headed to Pearl River CC, according to his father … and Tulane linebacker Trent Mackey, C-USA’s preseason Defensive Player of the Year, has been suspended indefinitely and arrested in connection with an armed robbery.

• Misc. Minnesota claiming a 1904 national title definitely qualifies as miscellany … If we had the money we’d just buy Idaho football ourselves … Get your RichRod-approved Tommy Bahama shirt … Rick Neuheisel calls himself a “pig with spats” … on the specter of low-quality product from the SEC’s Project X … Texas is “SEC Country,” which will certainly surprise many bits of Texas … Ground control to USF’s locker rooms, come in, please … Oklahoma State’s soundtrack choice here lends raw intensity to scrambled eggs and juice at six in the morning … and now, Bud Foster turning a cartwheel.

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