Designated Read: The human Dr. Teeth
• In our dreams, this means they won’t be able to afford to fire Robb Akey, ever, and he and his magnificent moustache can coach in windswept Moscow forever. It probably won’t work out like that, but we had to look for some upside to Idaho going independent in football, didn’t we?
• Monteé Ball was still not in that fight. Bret Bielema is sorry to disappoint any Monteé Ball haters out there, but says that two other non-Monteé Ball players were involved in the scuffle that reportedly led to Ball being assaulted earlier this month, but that Monteé Ball himself was not. Monteé Ball. (We’re just doing some reps here to remember to type his name the new way.)
• From the “Things we never really expected to read” department: A Securities and Exchange Commission press release announcing fraud charges against Jim Donnan. Anybody else mistakenly think Barry Switzer would’ve been wilier than this?
• Florida State is back! No, for real this time! NO. FOR REAL. MAYBE?
• Sunrise, sunset. Another Rose Bowl. Yawn. Oregon ticket sales slumping is way sadder to us than Minnesota ticket sales flailing, for some reason. We have only been to Autzen twice, but feel very strongly that whatever happens there should be watched by as many people as possible for as long as it exists. (Also, DUCK ON A MOTORCYCLE.)
• Injury report story hour. EJ Manuel was held out of practice Thursday to rest what’s being reported as a “minor ankle sprain” … and early scary reports of an ambulance summoned to Michigan practice now identify the injured player as defensive tackle Ondre Pipkens, who’s done something to his neck but can move his limbs. Get better, big guy.
• Roster blotter. New Orleans’ FOX affiliate reports Tyrann Mathieu will skip football in 2012 in favor of drug rehab … Washington dismisses two players for the Ever-Popular-And-Mysterious Violation Of Team Rules … and Penn State loses a second player to Marshall. To the transfer tracker!
• Misc. Here is a video of Matt Barkley dancing (love you already, Pac-12 blog) … might NC State fans need their own message board devoted solely to UNC topics? … Jordan Webb’s awesome Colorado bio has already been doctored back into boringness … Michigan prospect Maurice Hurst has some solid opinions on Taylor Swift … and we really, really miss Colin Kaepernick.