Fox Sports South’s The NEW College Football Show (or the NEW TO YOU College Football Show if you’re like us and didn’t get the channel last year) begins its second season at the end of this month, and in order to keep the NEWness all NEW and stuff, has cut a fresh set of promos. Here’s the one we can’t stop watching, starring Tommy Bowden and a chalkboard that tags along behind him like a wooden paddle-duck toy:
Gentle readers, we are near to tears. There’s just so much untapped Where The Red Fern Grows pathos going on with this silent, noble chalkboard here that we can barely keep our womanly emotions at bay. And it’s a vein FSN should mine. Think the network’s ever considered expanding this show into a year-round operation? The worst thing about college football is the brevity of its season, but you could get around that by veering into fiction in the winter and remaking the 1956 French cinema standard Le Ballon Rouge. Just imagine:
The only real drawback, apart from the constraints of reality as we know it, would be security concerns. Can’t have your on-air talent whisked away to who knows where by a flock of rogue balloons (or would they, in this case, be chalkboards that have sprouted wings?), can we?
Then again, we know now that James Bates is an ace at turning around surprising situations (seriously, his recovery time in the Dayton-Xavier incident was phenomenal), so he’d probably glibly report Bowden’s altitude and trajectory, then throw to commercial without skipping a beat.