• Bobby Petrino thinks he’s people. What you really want to take away from Herr Hawgpanky’s return to the public eye is that he wants to coach football in 2013. Even given time to prepare before sitting down with ESPN, he wasn’t all that good at feigning human feelings. Arkansas Expats slices and dices:
Petrino, spare us the whole southern belle complaining of a case of the vapors routine. “Why I declare, I just cannot believe I found myself in such an entanglement!” We all know exactly how this happened. Petrino was one of the most famous, powerful, wealthy, and popular people in the state of Arkansas. People are attracted to that regardless of what you look like. If Petrino is the head coach of another football-hungry school, he’ll be the Big Man On Campus there as well. Even if he’s able to resist the women that he’s sure to encounter on any college campus he’s coaching, he’ll still have to resist the other various temptations that come with power and fame. And if he’s not willing to recognize that’s the problem, well, that’s a problem.
Arkansas Sports 360 has a transcript of the Q&A that you may read and judge for yourself.
• And speaking of robots. Stat sheets credit Seantrel Henderson with appearing in games, but we are wondering at this point if anyone out there has ever actually seen him play football with his or her own eyes. Is Henderson real? Is he a construct of a grand recruiting services conspiracy? We may never know.
• Once again, this should resolve everything. The Penn State board of trustees is attempting to wrap up the NCAA sanctions against the university. We’re sure that will be the last we hear of the NCAA sanctions against the university and of parties trying to circumvent them.
• Um, did they not get the part where his beer pong honor is at stake? Oklahoma State defensive tackle Christian Littlehead punched a girl who said he was cheating at beer pong, according to a March police report. We expect Littlehead’s defense to go something like this: “But but BEER PONG, your honor.”