Lovingly curated light reading from the past week to speed you through your Friday:
Serenade us, catlab.
• ESS EEE CEASE AND DESIST. America, meet Texas A&M. The Aggies are pretty much always like this, from what we understand. Any questions about their natural fit in the SEC should be dashed on the rocks of slippery reason at this point.
• After Pamplona, FOIAetteville doesn’t seem so daunting. We are going to like having John L. Smith around, we think.
• SEALverines! Michigan trains at Coronado.
• Rapiers and key-janglings at dawn! Bryan Fischer solves the Notre Dame realignment problem:
The five commissioners need to make it clear that ND has to join a conference then Swofford, Dodds and Delany can duel for them. Literally.
— Bryan Fischer (@BryanDFischer) May 31, 2012
• But but BuckDawgs. The Ohio State-Georgia home-and-home has been torpedoed, and we are all sadder for it, because big teams should play big teams bang pow smash foobaw.
• Penn State has a starting quarterback. For Penn State, this counts as news.
• They grow up so fast. Kids are learning earlier and earlier the value of a well-placed “that was taken out of context,” particularly when firearms are involved. College football recruiting, y’all!
• And yet nobody’s concerned about innocent kids being subjected to UCLA football. Hey, remember that time Peyton Manning and Andrew Luck and Cannon Smith got football scholarships, and nothing like this happened?
• Maryland, just stop it. Look at your life. Look at your choices.
• Maybe he should’ve seen if it could play tailback first. James Vandenberg slaying a giant forest creature, no big deal; we’re sure you really worked those glutes in spin class this morning.
• Tweet of the week. With T. Boone locking up tweet of the century in a stroll, weekly honors are bestowed anyway on Glen Mason, who we cannot wait to see in a unitard:
i an busy practicing singing “Single Lady” to provide entertaiment tomorrow night if needed.
— Glen Mason (@BTNGlenMason) May 31, 2012
That’ll do it for us. Happy weekend, campers.