How deep is your love? Your bile?
Stanford’s offensive coordinator position was recently endowed by an anonymous donor to honor Andrew Luck (gross autoplay video alert at that link). The donation got friend of the program The Gurgling Cod thinking about how to turn this into a rivalry game:
— The Gurgling Cod (@TheGurglingCod) May 23, 2012
Monied fans, you have your marching orders. Our previous bloggy home has just wrapped up an annual charity drive in which donations are given to match rivalry scores (say, $70.33 for enthusiastic fans of January’s Orange Bowl outcome), but an endowment? Oh, that’s a gift that lasts and lasts. We have 10 modest suggestions for our readers overburdened with spite and disposable income:
• FOR MICHIGAN FANS: Endow the offensive coordinator position at Notre Dame. Name it for Tommy Rees. (And if you’re going to do this, you’re going to have to win again this year, so look sharp.)
• FOR AUBURN FANS: Endow Florida’s special teams coordinator position. Name it for Wes Byrum.
• FOR PITT FANS: The Todd Graham Chair for Refugee Studies, university TBD.
• FOR OHIO STATE FANS: Won’t you consider contributing to the Urban Myer Recruiting Coordinator endowment at Wisconsin?
• FOR NORTH TEXAS FANS: Won’t you spare a few dollars to revamp Indiana’s scoreboard?
• FOR BOBBY PETRINO, BECAUSE IT’S NOT LIKE YOU’RE BUSY: Donate to Texas Tech. Make it splashy. Do it in your own name. Dare anyone to question your motives.
• FOR LANE KIFFIN: Create the “Lane Kiffin Endowment” at UCLA, in an area of your choosing, just so you can point across the sidelines and shriek, “HAHA ENDOWMENT” every November.
• FOR NEVADA FANS: The Boise State Mathematics Chair in Statistical Certainties Like 26-Yard Field Goals is a must, no?
• FOR UAB FANS: Give to your own school, because lord knows it could use it, and establish the Paul Bryant Jr. Head Football Coach position for four dollars and a gum wrapper.
• West Virginia just has the Dana Holgorsen sidecar, which has a “YOU MUST BE THIS DRUNK TO RIDE” sticker on it.