In a Campus Union feature first, the Allstate Police Blotter Item of the Week* is jam-packed with players you’ve actually heard of, all making bad life choices! (Half of them, anyway, but we’ll get to that.) Who’ll wrest the lead of most LOLsome police interaction of spring away from Boston College’s Jaryd Rudolph?
Cast your vote below for the Allstate Police Blotter Item of the Week:
Case 1: Sammy Watkins (WR/demigod) Clemson
The Incident: A traffic stop led to the discovery of weed and pills and drug charges for the freshman phenom.
The Case For: The possibility that the drugs were planted on Watkins by the Tigers’ perpetually intoxicated-looking plush mascot. (Seriously, have you seen that thing’s eyes? We would almost rather be dropped into a cage with an actual live tiger.)
The Case Against: Turning the mic over here to Georgia O-lineman Watts Danzler:
Sammy Watkins.. If he didn’t run Im disappointed, he could have led a highway high speed chase on foot and the cops would have never got him
— Watts Dantzler (@wattsdantzler) May 4, 2012
Case 2: Tommy Rees (QB) and Carlo Calabrese (LB), Notre Dame
The Incident: Four misdemeanor charges for Rees (battery, resisting arrest, public drunkenness and being underage while in that state) and one disorderly conduct charge for Calabrese, all picked up while cops attempted to break up an off-campus house party.
The Case For: Notre Dame jokes are always easy to come by because of the handy “_____ LIKE A CHAMPION TODAY” template (that and WHERE IS THE CHARACTER EDUCATION IN NOTRE DAME, HOTBED OF SIN??), plus, Rees actually connected with a target!
The Case Against: Only we really can’t make jokes about this one, because the target was a police officer, whom Rees reportedly kneed, and that is a really bad idea. Calabrese threatening police with taunts of “My people will get you” is almost too ludicrous to contemplate.
Case 3: Montee Ball (RB), Wisconsin
The Incident: Ball was ticketed by police during a block party for standing on an unauthorized porch. No, for real. That is everything that happened. What in the HELL.
The Case For: As a Heisman finalist, Ball is certainly the most famous player to appear here.
The Case Against: Somebody wrote Ball a ticket for trespassing for being on a porch during a block party. We just cannot get over how sad and dumb that is for all involved.
Case 4: Alex Okafor (DE), Kenny Vaccaro (S), Barrett Matthews (TE), Texas
The Incident: Arrested Sunday night for failure to obey law enforcement.
The Case For: By sheer volume, this is an impressive haul.
The Case Against: But the actual incident rivals Ball’s for flimsiness: “Alex Okafor, Kenny Vaccaro and Barrett Matthews were all arrested along with former player Eryon Barnett on a charge of failure to obey after allegedly refusing to leave a pizza parlor late Sunday night.”
*As ever, the Allstate Police Blotter Item of the Week is not at all sponsored by Allstate in any way. Please don’t come after us, President Palmer. We love the Sugar Bowl.