CONTENT WARNING: If you prefer not to acknowledge, however tangentially, that uteruses are a thing, this may not be the post for you. Come back later for more jokes.
We have met Bill Hancock a couple of times, in passing, at media functions, and he seems nice. That’s not a veiled Southern put-down. He seems like a nice person. But man alive, he is just flailing right now. And while it is his job, some of it has been sad and weird to watch. We are currently serenely agnostic when it comes to the question of where to host college football’s new future playoff games. We’d totally, happily watch one staged in the Georgia Dome or the JerryDome. We think December games on campus sites could be great fun, whether in Madison or Los Angeles or Baton Rouge. We’re cool either way. Really.
Hancock is really not cool either way, and now we almost want to root for campus play out of pure spite, because this is straight irrational from a man who should be way better at spin by now:
“Can Manhattan, Kan., take care of 1,200 media?” BCS executive director Bill Hancock asked reporters, wondering what would happen if Kansas State finished in the top four. “Where will people stay?”
Wait, now they are worried about the media? Finally I am 100-percent qualified to answer a question, and here’s the answer: The media will stay wherever the heck they can. Topeka, Lawrence, mostly Kansas City. Then they will get up early and drive to the stadium because, you know, it’s their job.
Bill, if you really want to talk about preparedness, would this be a good time for me to bring up the fact that the press box in the Superdome, where your organization hosts one or two pretty important bowl games every year, doesn’t have a women’s restroom? There’s a little “family” restroom on that level that some staffer taped a “LADIES ONLY” sign to (after much hand-wringing) during the national title game for our needs, but that’s all. “It doesn’t lock!” one sideline reporter type cautioned me as she breezed out its door. I was suffering through my Special Lady Time that week. So began a night of many horrifying close calls. This is my most indelible memory of LSU-Bama II. (Not to dwell on this point, because it is not, in fact, the point, but you know where there are ladies’ rooms? LEGION FIELD. Striving to ensure, through the quality of one’s work, that one is never compared unfavorably to Legion Field is not a bad life plan.)
I also happened to be a casualty of a hotel booking error in New Orleans that week. I rented a bedroom from a local family instead for a hundred bucks (friends of friends) and had to pay for parking at the media hotel so I could catch the shuttle to the game. All told, my four-night stay cost me less than one night in that hotel would have. I had a great time. The internet in the press box went down during the game at one point. So after all this, should we boot New Orleans off the BCS rotation? Perish the thought! I still did my job. So did everybody around me. It was fine.
We’ll find a way, Bill. We are grown men and women, even though you seem to think we’re sort of stupid. Try hewing to your January 2011 mission statement for just a little bit. “At its heart, the BCS is a group of schools collaboratively doing what is in the best interest of their students. And for the game.” We’ll find the weak spots in that enclosure fence. You do you.