Weekend Whimsy: Battle of the bands

Assorted light reading to power you through Friday.

After writing up Jamaal Bass’ indictment for an on-field assault on two Toledo band members, we fell into discussion on the merits of marching band instruments as weapons. We received many compelling arguments:

@SIHolly I’m biased b/c I played it … but baritone is my choice. Heavy, yet handheld (easy to swing). I accidentally chipped a tooth once.

— Patrick Southern (@patricksouthern) March 20, 2012

@SIHolly Also, the brass is far more dense than in a trombone or a trumpet or mellophone. And yes, I’m actually thinking critically here.

— Patrick Southern (@patricksouthern) March 20, 2012

@SIHolly TYPICAL HORN SNOBBERY. Clearly, marching bands are kept safe only by their auxiliaries, esp. rifles and sabres.

— Kristen Wyatt (@APkristenwyatt) March 20, 2012

@SIHolly Longhorn Band twirler has a FLAMING BATON.This cannot be topped.

— Michael Shopoff (@mshopoff) March 20, 2012

@SIHolly Also from experience, brass has the advantage of removing the mouthpiece for short range combat.

— Michael Shopoff (@mshopoff) March 20, 2012

@SIHolly Worth noting: With overzealous muting, a trombone could be used as a sort of blowgun.

— ACME Sales Rep. (@ACMESalesRep) March 20, 2012

@SIHolly Saxaphone. It’s got all that strong brass, a good handle and a big striking surface.

— Tracer Bullet (@_TracerBullet_) March 20, 2012

@SIHolly Bass Drum.Defense (drum) and Offense (sticks) in one package.

— Mark Doescher (@ouphotoguy) March 20, 2012

Which instrument would you repurpose as an implement of self-defense? Cast your vote below:

And now, this week in miscellany: More words than have ever been written at any one time about the South Alabama Jaguars. Steve Spurrier remains eminently quotable. Here is Art Briles rocking skinny jeans. Your weekly dose of catlab.  BREAKING: Charlie Weis is “kind of mean.” You, too, can follow along with the adventures of the Michigan cougar. And because the universe demanded it exist, here is Sweet Home Alabama being played on a musical Tesla coil. Happy weekend, campers.